Howard Family Updates

EPILOG

2008-12-26T11:22:00.000-08:00

December 26, 2008

WE HAVE AMAZING NEWS.

On December 21, 2008 at 2:30 AM, little Miss Opal Maliha Howard came to join us after a most tumultous year. She was born C-Section due to being breech. She weighed in at 8 pounds 10 ounces and is 21 inches long. She has lots of sandy blonde hair, blue eyes, and is very fair complected. She is the exact image of Jonathan's newborn pictures. She will be called Opal or "Little O" for short after Jack's Mother who is 96 years old and resides in Lexington, KY.

Jonathan stayed with Megan the entire 5 days she was in the hospital. The baby stayed in the room with them. They all arrived home safely on Christmas morning. Everyone is doing beautifully.

Courtenay and I left Boston on Friday, December 19, my Dad's 85th birthday barely missing a major winter snow storm as we headed to Los Angeles. We plan to be here until January 3, 2009 enjoying family and getting acquainted with "Little O".

We feel very blessed to have all of you share our ups and downs of this challenging and difficult year that is coming to a close with new life and hope in this beautiful little new Howard addition. We pray that the Lord will bless and keep you, make His eyes shine upon you and be gracious unto you and give you His peace that passess all understanding by His magnificence grace and love.

With love to each of you,
Carolyn and family

UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN - October 15, 2008

2008-10-15T19:09:00.000-07:00

FINAL CHAPTER – UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN
October 15, 2008

It is difficult to believe that Jack has been home with the Lord for three months as of last week. Tomorrow is Jack’s birthday. He would have been 71. I decided that this final chapter would be a very good birthday present in his memory and good time to close this book on our breathtaking experience that began August 22, 2007.

I will begin by thanking everyone who has faithfully followed us through this experience via emails, letters, cards, visits, or helping us with the thousands of details and the seemingly endless things of all parts of this journey. I want to especially thank our families, friends, colleagues, and neighbors for the amazing embrace of your love, care, and help throughout but especially for the memorial services in Boston and Kentucky. Words cannot adequately express our gratitude and blessings that all of you have been to us at every rough path, hard turn, and in the quiet of the moment. We praise our Lord for all of you as you poured out your hearts to us. What an amazing gift you have been.

Jack’s memorial service was in Boston on July 16, 2008 with a few hundred people in attendance. Many wonderful people came to honor him and we were honored by their presence. We had a beautiful summer day to celebrate a life well lived. Jack would have enjoyed the message that pointed to our need of our Lord. He would likely have been embarrassed by all of the amazing words of so many that loved him. We had another service in Kentucky on September 12, 2008 in the First Baptist Church where Jack and I first interacted on the weekend of his sister, Myra’s wedding. Many people that attended were related to Jack, had grown up with Jack, been college roommates with Jack or who had known the family for generations. Jack’s high school principal and his wife attended. People came from far and wide again with many people to celebrate Jack’s life. The Kentucky people gathered KY wild flowers and fruits for table decorations that were very beautiful. Many made all of their special recipes that only Southern folk know about. We were very touched by so much done for us by so many.

Jack’s resting place is at Skaggs Creek Cemetery about ¼ mile from the farm where he was born and grew up. There are sweeping views of rolling hills and fields of green – a very Kentucky landscape. On his tombstone below his name is written “A loving and loved man”. At the very bottom, we wrote, “The Lord is My Shepherd” from Psalm 23 which Jack quoted in its entirety when he prayed before dinner. Between our names is written a LL which Jack always wrote in a special way with the L’s interlocking. Jack called me LL meaning “little luv”. He called me this almost from the very beginning inspired from an E. E. Cumming’s poem “My Luv is Like a Red, Red Rose”. So many shared things over a life time which seems so short now.

Following the KY service, we had a wonderful Branstetter reunion at Branstetter Park the next day. Jack’s Mother is a Branstetter. There were nine children in that family – three are still living. Jack had 54 first cousins between the two parents with most of them being on his Mother’s side giving much reason to even have a Park named after this family. It is a wonderful gathering every other year with family represented from all nine children. There were probably about 100 people at the reunion - another amazing group of people that fed us well from the many Southern family recipes. These people had closely followed the blog. It was a time of renewal of many friends and family.

Jonathan and Megan left at the end of August to return to Los Angeles. They are currently getting settled into a new apartment and for Jonathan, a new job. We are grateful that we had several months with them to support us and help us during this experience. I never could have adequately explained this journey. Their lives are about to change dramatically as they expect Baby Howard to arrive December 19. You must stay in touch to know the details. We do not know whether it is boy or girl. Jack would have loved this little one.

Courtenay and I are back to work but life is not the same. Each day is surprise. I had truly never anticipated the amount of energy that the grieving process consumes. I have many days where I have no energy at all. I have other days where all I want to do is cry and I do. I have had some flickers of light that make me think there is a better day ahead. I never know from one day to the next what the day will bring. I am continuing, by the grace of God, to trust in His care for me and the children. My sister ,Suzanne, thought it might be helpful to create a blog about my journey with grief. So far, I have not been able to do that since what I feel is truly not describable in words. Sometimes, the pain is so deep that I feel that my heart cannot contain it and that I am surely not going to survive this new challenge. Quickly, the Lord comes to my aid and lifts me up out of my mire. The Lord is completely carrying me on this road as He does all roads. I have had many wonderful consoling things said to me by many people. One of them was, “Carolyn, you are going to spend eternity with Jack, so be sure to enjoy today.” That thought was a real blessing to me because spending eternity with Jack is eclipsed by spending eternity with the Almighty God and our King Christ and to ponder doing it together. Another comment that brought me joy was “I am so warmed by how much you miss Jack – that must mean that you have many wonderful memories of him”. I do have many wonderful memories of him. We were truly blessed to have each other for 39 years of marriage. My grandfather would have said that would make our marriage “an endangered species”.

My Grandmother gave me a wonderful lesson in 1989 after my Grandfather had died. I stayed with her and even slept with her the night after she had buried him. I remember being so taken by observing her. The next morning, she got up at her usual time. She went into the kitchen and began to make bread. I have thought about that event so many times. Little did I realize that she was giving me one more of her many lessons. The lesson is that I must get up and make bread. I have been doing that through my work, my connecting with friends, my giving a picnic for Jack’s company employees, and resting my body and soul one day at time. Many days it is difficult to put one foot in front of another.

I am not the same person as I was months ago. I pray that by God’s grace, that I am kinder, more patient, more compassionate, more caring and loving, but most of all that I can proclaim even more the mercy of our Lord and share His wonderful hope as He has shared Himself with us. I can proclaim with the Psalmist David from Psalm 121:1-2 the following:
“I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.”
I came across these verses on a card that Jack gave me a few years ago. At the top of the card was my name, “Carolyn”. Underneath my name was “Song of Joy” followed by those verses. I want my song to be one of joy – joy in the years we had and the joy in the Lord we shared.

I would not wish this trial of Jack’s illness and death on anyone. It was so hard but at the same time, I would not replace this experience with anything. It was a time of close communion with each other as well as our family and so many friends that I could not begin to name them all. It was a wonderful time of gracious and tender mercy and care from our Lord. Jack is in a better place, much more perfect than this one. I hold him close in my heart and mind – he is always with me. My hope is that I can use this experience to help others in whatever ways I can to bring honor and glory to our Lord. It brings to mind Micah 6:8 –
“He has shown you, O man, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly, and to love mercy
And to walk humbly with your God”.

We will continue to remember all of you. We will post a blog in the beginning of the year announcing Jonathan and Megan's little one that is due on December 19. All of you, please stay in touch with us as our life’s journey and “bread making” continue to be breathtaking, by His grace.

Blessings to each of you,
Carolyn and family

Letter from Tom Gettings (Monroe Co. native) September 15, 2008

2008-09-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. Howard,

I saw the obituary for your husband, Dr. Howard in the Tompkinsville News today, which I still subscribe to after being away from Tompkinsville for many years.

I never knew your husband, however, I remember my father, Royce Gettings, telling me about your husband being a professor at MIT when I was in high school. I was planning to study engineering at UK and found it astonishing that someone from Tompkinsville would be a professor of engineering at MIT. Even then, twenty years after your husband graduated from UK, when you said you were going to study engineering most people in the county looked at you and asked if you were going to teach school J, so it is really something to have achieved the level of engineering success he did.

I remember when I first read about buckyballs in Popular Science and it's fascinating to see what a connection someone from Tompkinsville ended up having to them.

It is touching to see he was buried in Monroe County.

Thank you for sharing the story in the local paper. And as a engineer I particularly appreciate the incorporation of a equation into it. Of course you know that would make your husband, a true engineer, happy.

Sincerely,

Tom Gettings
Taylorville, IL

KY Memorial Service Update

2008-08-06T18:41:00.000-07:00

August 6, 2008

Believe it or not, it has been one month tomorrow that Jack has passed from this world to be with his Lord. The finality of his parting has been difficult. The same Lord that sustained us through his illness is continuing to provide for us during this difficult adjustment. Coming home at the end of the day or waking up in the morning without his presence somewhere nearby is stark and quiet. We miss him terribly but we rejoice knowing that he is home. We are rejoicing with a very heavy heart.

This weekend we will be going to KY to plan the memorial service to be held in Tompkinsville.
So the time, date, and place have been determined for those of you that follow the details through the blog.

The service will be held on Friday, September 12, 2008 at 10:30 AM CST at the First Baptist Church in Tompkinsville, KY followed by a reception in the church hall. The First Baptist Church is a fitting place for the service. This church was the first place that Jack and I spent some time together as we helped Myra get ready for her wedding. Jack and I made multiple trips from the Howard house to the church carrying wedding gifts to display at the reception. I remember so well that we did all of this work using Hugh Howard's pickup truck. One of my fond memories was how Jack was so curious about my interest in Chemistry. I was taken with all of the questions he asked me as though he was genuinely interested in me as a person. As you know the rest is history. It is very fitting for me to say my final goodbyes to him at this same church where it all began 41 years ago this September. He used to say that there was only one reason that we could have married, it was a marriage made in heaven. I feel enormously blessed to have been part of his life for so long. I had hoped it could have been longer.

I have communicated with Charlie Strode, Robert Miller, and Rosalie Wright (Mamie's daughter) and have found out that many of the wonderful people that knew Jack in and around Monroe County are working very hard to make this memorial for Jack a memorable day. We are so grateful to all of you who are reaching out to us in this time of sorrow. Your kindness is so appreciated. We would be unable to do this service without all of you.

If any of you have any questions, do not hesitate to contact me at chowardcfp@comcast.net or call me at 781-454-8170.

We look forward to seeing all of you soon.
Blessings,
Carolyn and family

Condolence from Becky Rust, former assistant to Jack

2008-07-19T01:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn:

Perhaps you won’t remember me, but I was Jack’s secretary from 1981-84. It was by sheer coincidence that I learned today of his passing, and I’m truly devastated. We so often take for granted that those who have been significant in our lives will always be around and always available. I assumed that I might come to Boston “at any time” and drop in and see him in Building 66 (though I did only once, and that was 16 years ago) and that he would still have a sweet smile and a kindly word for me. What a horrible shock it was to learn that he has already left for a better place.

I want to share my favorite memory of Jack with you. One day I was criticized by one of my bosses, who seldom bothered to speak to me at all. Jack noticed my downcast expression and asked me what was wrong. He then said, “Becky, you’re so wrong! Professor [ ] really likes you very much! He has said many nice things about you to me.” Although his statement was probably more diplomatic than true, I cheered up immediately and took on a more helpful, appreciative attitude toward that professor. Jack’s tactful comment – which was so typical of him – defused a troubled situation and made the office atmosphere pleasant again. I have often borrowed that approach and used it with my children!!

It has now been 24 years since I left the Chemical Engineering Department. I married a submarine officer (who will retire next year from the Navy) and we have two children, John (17) and Lindsey (11). John will be a senior at a classical Christian school this year, and I homeschool Lindsey. We live in Leesburg, Virginia.

As I said, it was an amazing coincidence that I learned of Jack’s passing two days after his funeral. I was researching something on the Internet, and a link took me to the MIT online newspaper (something that didn’t even exist when I worked at MIT). I saw Jack’s name and immediately clicked on it, expecting to read of his latest publication or honor. I was stunned to read instead that he had so recently passed away. I then found your blog and began to read all the entries, all the while asking myself, “Why did this happen? Why did I happen to read about Professor Howard today of all times?” When I read your beautiful testimony, I knew. Jack wanted everyone he had known to know about his love for the Lord. We had never discussed religion in the office, and I never knew what his feelings about the Lord really were (though I should have seen the Lord’s presence in his sweet life). It comforts me to think that his wishes are being fulfilled; that the Internet is being used to make his Christian testimony available to everyone who has ever known him. Thank you, Carolyn, for posting the testimony on your blog.

With deepest condolences to you, Jonathan, and Courtenay,

Rebecca Sharp Rust
Leesburg, Virginia

Antonio D'Alessio, a colleague from Italy

2008-07-18T17:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn,
Jack was a great scientist and , for me , a sincere friend. During the years we met so many times in Boston or elsewhere so that our lives were somehow connected.

His loss is without consolation.
Ninni D'Alessio

Condolences from Jerry Cole, friend and colleague

2008-07-18T16:58:00.000-07:00

Carolyn,

It is difficult for me to express my sense of loss upon hearing of Jack's passing. Certainly on an intellectual level I've been expecting this for some months now. But the final announcement still left me with a sense of void, a strange emptiness. It is a symptom of my present age that many loved ones have departed in only the past few months, and that many others are soon to go. But I cannot let Jack's death go without at least a few special words for you and your family.

Meeting Jack for the first time back in 1979 turned out to be one of the most important and pivotal moments in my professional life. Our shared interests and goals made it easy for us to develop a friendship that lasted nearly three decades. Despite often not seeing or hearing from each other for years at a time, each time we got together, usually at a technical conference or some other forum, we never ran out of things to discuss, and always parted with a sense of anticipation for our next meeting.

Although it was easy for me to appreciate the importance of Jack's work from the moment I met him, it took me many years before I recognized something that in retrospect was much more special about him. In the world we shared Jack was the senior gentleman. He set standards for personal conduct and behavior toward others that are quite rare indeed. Jack was rarely coarse or short with people. He sought and found the best in what others had to say or present.

Jack didn't delude people, but he didn't dwell on their shortcomings - when needed he made them clear, while at the same time pointing out their strengths. Jack made an important impression on the world. Over the past couple decades I've had many situations where people have asked me to prepare them for a meeting with Jack. I'd always say that he was one of the nicest persons you'll ever meet. Consistently people made a point of getting back afterward to me to say how amazed they were that I was exactly right!

He will be missed.

-jerry

Jerald ColeChief Technology Officer
Hydrogen Ventures1219 N. Studebaker RoadLong Beach, CA 90815
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Letter from Rosie Peters, wife and dear friend of Bill Peters, brother in Christ and MIT colleague

2008-07-17T15:53:00.001-07:00

July 15, 2008

Dear Carolyn,

I want to express my deepest sympathy to you and your family as Jack has passed on and entered into the eternal presence of our Lord. Since we learned of Jack’s cancer diagnosis, our hearts have been heavy and we have prayed for peace and comfort for Jack, you and your family.

I am grateful to you for establishing the Howard Family Blog. Through the blog, you have shared with us Jack’s and your family’s journey during his illness - the joys and the sorrows - and the beautiful testimony to his life found in the letters sent by family, friends, colleagues, and former students. I faithfully followed it throughout these months. I’d often read the blog just before retiring for the night, but then I couldn’t go to sleep because I was either sad thinking about your suffering or overwhelmed at how God used Jack in so many people’s lives.

Jack lived a blessed life and his life was a blessing to all who knew him. Jack was indeed a very special man. Each time I was with him, I was touched by his gentle, warm smile and manner. Throughout the years, Bill spoke of Jack with love; grateful for the lessons Jack taught him and the kindness Jack showed him. The message that keeps coming through in the letters to Jack and your family is the positive impact that he had on people’s lives. Jack touched people from every decade of his life!

Carolyn, years ago you told me that you’d get sermon tapes from a former pastor and you loved listening to them because he always pointed to Christ. Throughout his life, Jack pointed to Christ, not just by word but by deed - by the way he lived and worked and treated others. Jack faithfully used the intellectual gifts that God gave him to bring glory to God. Through his hard work, he made many contributions that benefited others and this pleased the Lord. Jack had the gift of encouragement and throughout his life he chose to encourage others and hence honored God. Even during the final months on this earth, Jack shared his love for Christ and the hope he had in Him.

Jack “spoke” of his love for the Lord by who he was and how he lived. This love didn’t just “leak out somewhere” as your dear pastor said. Anyone who reads the blog letters will see that Jack’s life overflowed with his love for Christ. He led a life of faith in God and obedience to His Word. I tell my children that if they obey the Lord – if they do what they know is right – then God is glorified, they will be blessed and they will be a blessing to others. Jack is the perfect example of this. The fruits he bore as a result of his obedience glorified the Lord and blessed others. Again, from the blog letters, you can see that throughout Jack’s entire life, he bore all of the fruits of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Those fruits, given by the Spirit, were given not only for his benefit, but so that he could be a blessing to others. His family, friends, colleagues, and former students were the recipients of his love, his patience, his kindness, his goodness. Praise the Lord for His provision!

I have printed the contents of the blog. Bill and I have talked quite a bit about Jack this week. We want our children to read the blog, so that they can get a glimpse into the life of this wonderful, dear man. His character, his humility, his grace, his curiosity, his wisdom, his work ethic, his love for his family and the Lord beautifully appear in these pages. Jack was a gift to many! He lived a full, rich life, but to all who loved him, his life on earth ended too soon. Jonathan mentioned the number 7 on his July 7th blog. Bill reminded me that in scripture, the number 7 is used to show completeness. Because God’s will is perfect, Jack’s life on earth was complete on July 7, 2008. We don’t understand why God chose this moment for Jack to be with Him, but by faith we know that he is in the presence of our Lord.

Carolyn, again, I thank you for sharing these last months of Jack’s life with us. It was a beautiful testimony and God was glorified through it all. You and Jack were and always will be a great team. His legacy is a legacy of love. I’m quite sure that Jack “pressed” his goodness into his children. I encourage them to follow Jack’s example to seek to know, love, and obey the Lord Jesus. Their lives will be exciting and full of love, joy, peace, and blessings, and others will say, “he/she reminds me of Jack.”

My prayer for you and your children is from Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

I close with some scriptures that remind of Jack. I hope they will be an encouragement to you. What a blessing he was to all of us!

Sincerely,

Rosie

______________________________________________________________________

“Jesus replied, ‘If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.’” John 14:23

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.” Philippians 2:1 – 7

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3: 12 - 17

Condolence from Murray Height former PhD student

2008-07-17T15:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn,

I wanted to send you a note to let you know how sad I am to hear about Jack passing away. I was hoping to be able to come to Boston for the memorial yesterday but was unfortunately unable to make it over in time from Switzerland. In any event, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.

I have spent much time over the last week thinking about Jack and reflecting on memories of working with Jack at MIT. When I came to the US from Australia in 1999 I knew I wanted to work with Jack, and a big part of that was the friendly and straightforward manner in which he worked with people. I loved working towards my PhD and Jack had a way of challenging, supporting and nurturing that had a profoundly positive impact on the way that I think and look at the world. I appreciate every moment of my time at MIT and know that Jack was a big reason for that. I feel very fortunate to have known him and to be counted as a student of such an intelligent, gentle and wonderful man.

With love and deepest sympathy,
Murray

Murray HeightPhD. MIT Chief Technology Officer HeiQ Materials AGOffice
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Bad ZurzachSwitzerlandHeiQ Materials AG is a Swiss Manufacturing Company of High-performance additives, Coatings and masterbatches for the Textile and Medical device industry.

Condolence from Chris Pope, a friend and former PhD student

2008-07-17T15:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn, Courtenay, Jonathan, and Megan,
I send my sympathy and condolences about your loss. I trust that the Prince of Peace will grant your hearts and spirits “the peace that passeth all understanding”. Allow yourselves to be human at this time; remember that His strength is perfected in weakness. The battle is over. We all know Jack is with the Lord now -- because God loved him so much that he got tired of having a long-distance relationship.

I gladly would have given anything to visit Jack at the end, and to attend the memorial service. My absence was solely due to lack of funds. Rest assured that I am there in spirit with you all. When I make it out there next, I will visit, if you wish.

I am embarrassed to say that Jack’s death caught me by surprise. After your blog entry on May 27th, when he was doing quite well, it seemed to me that Jack was one of those who had attained long-term recovery. My next news came from Phil’s letter last week about Jack’s passing into the higher realms. It was a tough reminder that nothing, nothing at all, can be taken for granted in this world, that the answer to the question "Isn't this the very moment when connection and caring would be most appropriate?" [Chellis Glendinning] is YES. “For now we see through a glass, darkly, but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)

Jack Howard the professor delighted in gaining and sharing knowledge; now he not only has the joy of complete knowledge but also the knowledge of complete joy -- a knowledge for which we will have to wait a bit longer for until we reunite with him in the presence of the Lord.

“There was a message written in pencil on the tiles by the roller towel. This was it:WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF LIFE?
Trout plundered his pockets for a pen or pencil. He had an answer to the question. But he had nothing to write with, not even a burnt match. So he left the question unanswered, but here is what he would have written, if he had found anything to write with: To be the eyes and ears and conscience of the Creator of the Universe, you fool.” [Kurt Vonnegut, “Breakfast of Champions”]

Nobody can ever call Jack Howard a fool. He allowed the Lord to work through him in ever so many ways. He also knew that his real treasures were in heaven; his heart was there with Christ. [Matthew 6:19-21] Whether or not Jack verbally expressed his faith was nowhere near as important as the example he gave of how to live guided by the Spirit.

It would have been nice for him as my supervisor for my graduate and post-doctoral work to have been around long enough to see me attain success professionally. Let me take that back. He will be able to see, but I won’t be able to see and hear his pleasure in it. In one other important way, I already have “made it”. When he signed my email “your friend, Jack”, I knew that he saw me as an equal. No paycheck can match that.

The doctoral thesis I wrote for Jack was dedicated “to the One who loved to play so much that He/She/It created a universe with 7 A[ngstrom] soccerballs in it.” {7 Angstroms is the diameter of the fullerene C60, roughly 30 billionths of an inch.] In days long passed, some considered how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. Jack will no doubt let them know that the correct question is how many angels can play soccer there, and will help them arrive at the proper answer. As the chant goes: “May the long time Sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you, guide your way home.” Jack is home now. It is our loss... and the world’s loss. But he lives on in our minds and hearts.

with my concern, sympathy, and love,
Chris

Christopher J. Pope
1550 Springtown Blvd. #17
E Livermore, CA 94551(925) 895-3424

Boston Globe Obituary July 14, 2008

2008-07-15T10:21:00.000-07:00

Jack Howard; MIT Professor guided by both Science; Faith

As tilling the soil of a Kentucky tobacco farm as a child gave way to cultivating the fields of chemical engineering at MIT as an adult, Jack B.Howard kept sight of the source of his good fortune." He felt that everything that had happened to him his whole life was a gift, a gift from God," Carolyn Howard said of her husband, who never felt compelled to choose, as many do, between science and religion. "The spiritual side of him was something that was extremely important to him. He was a devout Christian and it was really, really important to him that we express to people our Christianity."

A man of science and a man of faith, Dr. Howard walked an improbable path from a farmhouse with a dirt floor to founding Nano-C, a biotech company for which he also chaired the board of directors. He died of brain cancer on July 7 in the MIT Infirmary, a short walk from the buildings where he had taught and conducted research. Dr. Howard was 70 and had lived in Winchester for 35 years. At the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where he arrived as a Ford Foundation fellow for postdoctoral research in 1965, Dr. Howard was the first to hold the Hoyt C. Hottel chair of chemical engineering. Retiring as professor emeritus in 2002, he founded Nano-C, a Westwood firm that develops nanostructured carbon products, including fullerenes, carbon molecules that have a shape similar to the geodesic domes popularized by Buckminster Fuller. From Fuller the molecules draw their name -Buckminsterfullerenes, or buckyballs for short.

Decades ago before discovering a way to more efficiently manufacture microscopic buckyballs, which are expected to have pharmaceutical andindustrial uses, Dr. Howard's first experiments were more basic."His father let each of the children have their own crop," his wife said,"and he grew watermelons."

Born in Kentucky, just north of the Tennessee border, Dr. Howard lived on a farm outside Tompkinsville, a city of about 2,600. While he was growing up, the farmhouse accumulated modern amenities, his wife said, but initially it was "a very simple abode - no running water, no electricity, no telephones, and a dirt floor. And they only went to school October to April because it was farm country. You had harvest in the fall and plant in the spring." Through eighth grade, Dr. Howard attended a one-room schoolhouse, and he didn't take his first science class until enrolling at the University of Kentucky. He majored in mining engineering and graduated in 1960, then finished a master's in the same subject a year later. Offered scholarships to Penn State and Stanford universities, he chose the former because it was closer to home, and graduated with a doctorate in 1965.

At MIT, he rose to full professor and was one of the specialists consulted for the Globe's "How and Why" feature, answering questions from readers on subjects ranging from the heat of flames to why many people lick the tip of a pencil before writing. "If the lead were truly graphite, then wetting it would probably not make a difference," he told the Globe in 1993, but in pencil lead "the graphite is actually a mix of graphite and some clays. My observation is that wetting the pencil allows you to get a darker line. There's a softening of the material, some absorption of moisture into pore spaces that makes a mix that will rub off more easily."Such musings were a small part of his scientific output, which included many patents and scores of publications. In 1992, he was awarded the Bernard Lewis Gold Medal from the Combustion Institute, an international, nonprofit scientific organization based in Pittsburgh for which he served as a director."This thing was on a shelf in a cabinet," his wife said of the medal. "All of his awards were."

Of more importance was family. He married Carolyn Butler in January 1969 and they had two children. Despite the demands of work, he set aside time to read to his children each evening. "Even though he rose to the pinnacle of academia, he always was home for supper, unless he was traveling," his wife said. "And we never were allowed to answer the phone during dinner. It was truly family time." Dr. Howard's family members kept a blog during his illness, charting the medical journey and the sustenance he and his wife took in their faith.

"Even until the very end, my dad appreciated all things symmetrical,orderly, and mathematic," his son, Jonathan, of Somerville, wrote on July 7."He died today at 70 years old, at 11:05 a.m. (1 + 1 + 5 = 7) on the seventh day of the seventh month of the year."Since boyhood on the farm, Dr. Howard had loved the sound of rain in the evening, which signaled a respite from certain chores the following day. "I like to think that at this moment he is on a farm somewhere beyond our consciousness, serenaded at night by a gentle rain on a tin roof," his son wrote the day Dr. Howard died, "and in the morning will be working heavenly soil with his brother and his dad, a family slowly reuniting in a place more perfect than this one."

In addition to his wife and son, Dr. Howard leaves a daughter, Courtenay, of Winchester; his mother, Opal, of Lexington, Ky.; two sisters, Myra Bushong and Bess Abney, both of Lexington, Ky.; and a brother, Keith, of Cookeville,Tenn. A memorial service will be held at 10:30 a.m. Wednesday in Park Street Church in Boston. A private burial will be held in Skaggs Creek Cemetery, not far from the farm where Dr. Howard grew up.

Condolences from Howard Franklin - a former Jack PhD student

2008-07-13T11:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn, Courtney, and Jonathan,

My deepest condolences on Prof. Howard’s passing. I was a doctoral student and post-doc of his between 1977 and 1981.

Prof. Howard was a wonderful teacher, supervisor, and human being. He did me personal kindnesses that made a major difference to my life and my career. He was warm, kind, funny, gentle, and a very great pleasure to work for and with. I actually did not select my PhD thesis topic, I first selected him as the supervisor I really wanted to work for and then selected whatever he was working on as my thesis topic. I have had many reasons over the years to be thankful for my choice.

May your family know of no more sorrows.

Howard Franklin

Letter from Combustion Institute - organization that Jack was very actively involved

2008-07-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

The Combustion Institute
5001 Baum Boulevard, Suite 635
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 15213-1851 USA
Telephone: (412)687-1366 Fax: (412)687-0340
Email: office@combustioninstitute.org
July 13th, 2008
Carolyn Howard
24 Central St
Winchester, MA 01890-2630
USA

Jack B. Howard – In Memoriam

With the passing of Jack Howard, the Combustion institute has lost one of its greats. Jack gave us so much by way of original research, teaching, and service to our community

Jack’s work in coal and other carbons, ranging from soot to fullerene, stands out for its breadth and depth. He provided insights into the processing of coal to produce gases and liquids that were at the forefront in the 1970’s and 1980’s and still today have special significance as the world grapples with the problem of energy supply, in which coal will continue to play a major role. Similarly, his work on active sites in carbon reactions set the scene for much of the work that has followed. His studies of fullerenes from combustion sources changed the way we thought about soot and provided the basis not only for much future work, but also for Jack’s ‘post-retirement’ business activities in nanocarbons.

Jack gave generously of his time and wise counsel to promoting the interests of the Institute and the community it represents, including being a Board Member from 1994-2006. He was accorded every scientific honour and responsibility that our Institute can bestow:

 Symposium Program Chair, 19th Symposium, Technion-Israel Institute of Technology, Haifa, Israel in 1982.
 Silver Medal, at the 20th Symposium, University of Michigan (1984), for the paper with Jim Bittner entitled "Mechanisms of hydrocarbon decay in fuel-rich secondary reaction zones."
 Bernard Lewis Gold Medal, at the 24th Symposium, University of Sydney "for the kinetics of soot formation and coal pyrolysis".
 Symposium plenary lecture: 23rd Symposium, University of Orléans, France (1992) "Carbon additions and oxidation reactions in heterogeneous combustion and soot formation".
At a personal level, I interacted with Jack when I was at MIT from 1979 to 1981. Our research fields overlapped in part and, while we I did not work directly together, I learned first-hand of his unfailingly gentlemanly nature and scholarly disposition. The hospitality you and Jack showed me and my wife at a time when we were starting our own family has never been forgotten.

The Combustion Institute salutes the life and work of Jack Howard. His contributions were immense and the legacy of his work will endure for many years.

Our thoughts and best wishes are with you and your family at this time.
Brian S. Haynes
President

Condelence from Jeff and Sue Tester, MIT colleague and friend

2008-07-13T11:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn,
Please excuse me for using email for this note. I just learned that Jack's memorial service is scheduled for Wed, July 16th. Unfortunately, neither Sue or I can attend -- I will be on the West coast and Sue is dealing with her aging 94 year old mother. Although we won't be there in person, we certainly will be in spirit as Jack. You both have been wonderful friends and an inspiration to us for the 40 years we have known you. I have never met a person as kind and modest as Jack -- he was as far from the prototypical MIT professor as is humanly possible.

Sue and I send our love and deepest condolences to you and your children during these difficult times.
Affectionately ,
Jeff

Ron and Lois Barndt - a dear couple from our church

2008-07-12T14:45:00.000-07:00

Dearest Carolyn,

Our hearts are turned toward the Lord on your behalf as we ask Him to receive Jack into His loving presence where he will at last be at peace and joy, basking in the love of Jesus.

We, of course, pray for you, Courtenay, Jonathan and his wife, and all others who have been so devoted to Jack in caring for him and preparing him for his homegoing. You have seen God work in all of your lives, and are grateful for that, but the ache is still there until you are reunited with your beloved.

May you be borne up on angels' wings during this time, and may the strong arm of God also uphold you and guide you for the days to come.

We love you,
Ron and Lois

Domenica Condolences - our Bible Study partners who recently moved to England

2008-07-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

Carolyn,
I am sure that the people whose lives Jack has impacted are surrounding you with their love for you and him. Please accept ours...from a distance. All I can say is, "When is our next Bible Study....when we are all together?" I am sitting here in tears so looking forward to that day when the seven of us are sitting together studying I Cor. 15:51-58!

For all the saints, who from their labors rest,
Who Thee by faith before the world confessed,
Thy Name, O Jesus, be forever blessed.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

Thou wast their Rock, their Fortress and their Might;
Thou, Lord, their Captain in the well fought fight;
Thou, in the darkness drear, their one true Light.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

O blest communion, fellowship divine!
We feebly struggle, they in glory shine;
All are one in Thee, for all are Thine.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

And when the strife is fierce, the warfare long,
Steals on the ear the distant triumph song,
And hearts are brave, again, and arms are strong.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

The golden evening brightens in the west;
Soon, soon to faithful warriors comes their rest;
Sweet is the calm of paradise the blessed.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

But lo! there breaks a yet more glorious day;
The saints triumphant rise in bright array;
The King of glory passes on His way.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

From earth’s wide bounds, from ocean’s farthest coast,
Through gates of pearl streams in the countless host,
And singing to Father, Son and Holy Ghost:
Alleluia, Alleluia!

Bob and Jane Cohen - MIT Chemical Engineering Dept Professor and wife

2008-07-12T14:37:00.001-07:00

Dear Carolyn-
We are so sad and so sorry to hear that Jack has passed on.
You were in a dream I had last night.
We are thinking of you and Jack.
As your niece so beautifully put it, he won the race and he has the prize.
With deepest sympathy and much love-
Jane and Bob

Condolence from Howard Palmer, Professor at Penn State University

2008-07-12T14:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn and family,

Phil Westmoreland sent the news to many of Jack's friends and colleagues,
and I just want to say to you that you and Jack have been an inspiration. I have
learned a lot from you, as I deal daily with the very slow process of deterioration
in my dear wife (combination of Alzheimer's and little strokes). I have been
touched to read your updates from time to time and see the remarkable spirit
that you and Jack have displayed. Thank you and Jack for that gift to us.

Jack was indeed a special person. That was evident from the moment he
first enrolled here as a graduate student. Everything that he has done in
research has been characterized by creativity, integrity, depth of investigation,
modesty, and an obvious delight in discovery. It has all been first class.
I have followed---and been in touch---with his career over the years with much
pleasure and some pride, and I am very sorry that he is gone.

God be with you now and in the days to come.
Howard Palmer

Howard Palmer was one of Jack's professors when he attended Penn State.

Anthony Dean - Colleague from Colorado College of Mines and Engineering

2008-07-12T14:32:00.000-07:00

Carolyn,

Linda and I were so sorry to hear about Jack's passing. Our prayers are with you and your family. We have fond memories of your visit to Golden several years ago and of course I many good memories of associating with Jack over the years. He was indeed a gentleman and a scholar. We will all miss him greatly.

Best Regards,
Tony

Condolence from Sergio Trindade

2008-07-12T14:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn,

We are saddened to learn of Jack's passing and wanted to offer your and your Family our prayers and solidarity in this difficult moment.We are at your disposal for whatever is necessary. He will be sorely missed and remembered in our prayers..

Warms feelings,Helena and Sergio C. Trindade
1A Dickel Road
Scarsdale, NY 10583 USA

Condolences from Salim Senkin

2008-07-12T14:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn:

It was with great sadness that I learned of Jack's passing. I cannot imagine how it feels to lose a life-long husband and friend. But I can imagine it must be painful. Nevertheless, his suffering is over. I send to you and to your family my condolances on the loss of this wonderful man, whom I had the priviledge of knowing.

God bless you all.

Regards

Selim Senkan

PS: I am presently in Istanbul, Turkey attending my 87 year old mother who is not feeling well. Consequently, I will not be able to make the memorial services. However, my thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Condolences from Benno and Ursula Wersborg, our German friends

2008-07-12T14:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn , dear Courtenay, dear Jonathan, and dear Megan,
We have never felt the language barrier more profoundly than in this moment, when we want to express our thoughts and feelings.
We are so very sorry and in great pain to read about Jack`s death. Though expected it is the certainty which leaves us with deep sorrow.
We will miss him deeply. For the rest of our life he will have a very special place in our hearts.
Through the blog we know that Jack was surrounded by his beloved family, who supported him in the best possible way, and that he had a peaceful transition. We are sure he is in the arms of his beloved Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ, now.
We pray for Jack and you all. Our thoughts are with you.
Love
Üsche-Ursula and Benno

Email from Anish Goel - a former student of Jack's who lives in the Washington DC area now

2008-07-12T14:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Mrs. Howard, Courtenay, and Jonathan,

You may not remember me but I was one of Professor Howard's last students at MIT - having graduated in the spring of 2002 with a PhD that he so deftly steered me towards. I am extremely saddened to hear about Professor Howard's passing on Monday. Please allow me to offer my deepest sympathy and condolences (and those of my family - who also thought the world of him) to all of you.

Ican't imagine how difficult this time must be but I hope that happy memories of Professor Howard are seeing you through. Although I had not seen Professor Howard in a few years now, I thought about him often. To this day, I still thank Professor Howard for the incredible experience he gave me at MIT. The principles of dedication, deceny, and integrity that he embodied are ones that I try to emulate every day - though I fall far short of his legendary example. I didn't fully realize it when I graduated, but he really did teach me how to be successful in almost any pursuit - and what it really means to be successful. Perhaps no one outside my own family has had more of an influence on me than Professor Howard. Throughout my four years under his tutelage, not once did I ever see him angry or upset, and not once did he ever fail to support me in anyway -even when I made monumental mistakes (such as breaking a piece of lab equipment that cost over $15,000....it was an accident, I swear). He was nothing but kind and helpful, while encouraging and firm at the same time. I once described him as a wise Jedi master - an analogy, which, if a bit crude, I think is wonderfully appropriate. His calm and cool demeanor defined the walking authority that allowed him stay above the normal fray of the profession he spent so much time in. I am hoping very much to attend the memorial service on Wednesday but forces beyond my control may conspire against me. If I am unable to attend, please accept my deepest apologies and regrets. Even if I am not there in person, I will be thinking of him fondly.
Warm regards,
Anish Goel

UPDATES on Services, July 12, 2008

2008-07-12T05:47:00.001-07:00

UDATES
July 12, 2008

We have been extremely busy with the final details of Jack’s Memorial Service for July 16, 2008 at 10:30 AM at Park St. Church in downtown Boston across the street from the Boston Common and the Park St. Station “T” stop (Redline for those from out of town).
Following the service, we will walk to 60 State Street (before the Quincy Market area) for a reception and light lunch in The State Room (Boston University Alumni Club). It is on the 33rd Floor in Harborside 4 section of the Club. The reception is slated for 12:00-2:00 PM. Afterwards, if anyone would like to come back to our home, they are most welcomed. Our address is 24 Central St.; Winchester, MA 01890.

For our Kentucky family and friends, the Memorial service In KY for Jack will be held on Friday, September 12, 2008 at 1:00 PM at Rock Bridge Baptist Church where Jack’s family attended for many years. There will be a reception following this service but the details are not complete at this time. The date of the service will coincide with the “Branstetter” Family Reunion weekend at the Branstetter Park that Jack and I attended 2 years ago. I know many of you come from far to attend this fun day and that you have shared so closely with us this difficult journey. We wanted you to have the opportunity to be with us as we celebrate Jack’s life and the many gifts that our gracious Lord bestowed upon him and us.

Words do not express the love and gratitude we feel that each of you have expressed toward our Jack and us. He said it best: “Not many people have the opportunity to see this much beauty and majesty in their lives. I am very content. My cup runneth over”.

In lieu of flowers, we are requesting contributions can be made to the following:

Jack B. Howard Memorial Fund
MIT In-Patient Services % Kathleen Dwyer
MIT Medical Department E23
77 Massachusetts Ave.; Cambridge, MA 02139

Jack B. Howard Memorial Fund
Department of Chemical Engineering Blg. 66
% Professor Klavs Jensen
77 Massachusetts Ave.; Cambridge, MA 02139

University of Kentucky
College of Engineering %Dean Lester
251 Ralph G. Anderson Building
Lexington, KY 40506

Park Street Church
The Missionary Program
1 Park Street; Boston, MA 02108

Gratefully,
Carolyn and family

Boston Globe Submitted Obituary for Jack written by Jonathan

2008-07-10T05:03:00.000-07:00

On Monday, July 7, 2008, Jack B. Howard, Founder and Chairman of the Board of Nano-C, Inc. in Westwood, MA, died peacefully at MIT Medical Infirmary in Cambridge, MA after a 10-month struggle with brain cancer. He was 70 years old.

Professor Howard spent 37 years teaching in the Chemical Engineering Department at MIT, where he was also the Director of the Center for Airborne Organics. He was one of nine US scientists on a NASA board tasked to evaluate and select experiments to take place on the space shuttle. Notable awards were two honorary doctorates: Doctoris Honoris Causa, Universite'de Haute-Alsace, Mulhouse, France in 1997; and Doctor of Engineering, Colorado School of Mines, 2002. He has over 250 scientific publications and multiple patents.

Several years ago, the Boston Globe featured his work with fullerenes in a Science & Technology article entitled "Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Carbon." Also, throughout his career, the Globe contacted Prof. Howard for their "Ask The Globe" feature with inquiries ranging from the shape of candle flames to the reason Calvin, from the Calvin & Hobbes comic strip, was often depicted licking the end of a pencil before writing.

Despite these accomplishments, Prof. Howard was a profoundly patient and humble man, traits honed in his youth on his family's farm in Tompkinsville, KY. He was born in 1937 in a small farm house with a dirt floor. His favorite days were those following rainstorms, as those were the days he wouldn't have to work in the fields. For this reason, until he lost the ability to speak, he would tell his caretakers how much he loved the sound of rain.

Prof. Howard didn't take his first science class until 1956, as a freshman at the University of Kentucky. In spite of this, he excelled in chemistry and physics and was offered scholarships for graduate studies in physics at Stanford, and in fuel technology at Penn State University. Preferring to be close to home, he chose the latter. He graduated with a doctoral degree in Fuel Technology in 1965.

Prof. Howard then joined the MIT Department of Chemical Engineering as a Ford Foundation Postdoctoral Fellow, teaching first-year students chemical engineering. Being unfamiliar with the material, he had to study the textbooks even harder than his students.
After marrying Carolyn Butler in 1969, the Howard family grew to include two children, Courtenay and Jonathan. Prof. Howard was careful to never let the long hours demanded by his work interfere with the time he spent with his family. Phone calls were not allowed at the dinner table and weekends were often spent walking in the Winchester Fells, where he cultivated in his children the same love for nature and discovery that he enjoyed during his childhood in Kentucky.

For 37 years, Prof. Howard's career flourished at MIT. Buoyed by the support of his brilliant students and colleagues, he received tenure and an endowed Chair. In 1995, Jack was named the first holder of the Hoyt C. Hottel Chair of Chemical Engineering. He was a world-renowned expert in many aspects of combustion engineering.

Imbued with a farmer's sense of dedication, diligence and stamina, Jack began a new endeavor following his retirement from MIT in 2002. He founded Nano-C, Inc., in Westwood, MA, a leading developer of nanostructured carbon materials, including fullerenes, single-walled carbon nanotubes (SWCNT) and their chemical derivatives.

As devoted as he was to his work and family, he was equally so to Biblical study. He attended Park Street Church in Boston every Sunday until his illness left him unable to participate in services. His ability to marry the often opposed fields of science and Christianity were a marvel to all who knew him.

He is survived by his adoring wife, two children and his daughter-in-law, Megan Coleman. He was the beloved son of Opal and the late Hugh Howard; and caring brother of four siblings, Keith Howard, Myra Bushong, Bess Abney and the late Kenny Howard.

His memorial celebration will be held at 10:30 AM on Wednesday, July 16th at Park Street Church, One Park Street, Boston, MA. Relatives and friends are invited to attend. A private burial will take place in Tompkinsville, KY.

For those who wish to make donations in lieu of flowers, they may be made to:

1. The Jack B. Howard Memorial Fund at MIT In-Patient Services, c/o Kathleen Dwyer, MIT Medical Department, 77 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA 02139. Monies will go towards providing end-of-life care of the quality Jack was blessed to receive.

2. The University of Kentucky, College of Engineering, 251 Ralph G. Anderson Bldg, Lexington, KY 40506. Monies will be donated to a discretionary fund to help students of need in the Department of Engineering.

3. The Missionary Program at Park Street Church, 1 Park Street, Boston, MA 02108. Monies will be used to support Park Street's missionaries.

Today and always, Jack's friends and family take great comfort that he has passed from this suffering world into Christ's loving embrace.

"Bittersweet" - Jonathan's blog entry July 7, 2008

2008-07-08T18:53:00.000-07:00

"Bittersweet"
Even until the very end, my dad appreciated all things symmetrical, orderly and mathematic. He died today at 70 years old, at 11:05 AM (1+1+5=7), on the seventh day of the seventh month of the year. Interestingly, his older brother Kenny had died at the age of 17 on July 17th, 1953. I don’t know many equations that will produce the number 7 out of 1953, but if there is one, my dad would have known it and used it in this case.

Before I got the news this morning, I was compelled by the events of the last few days to look up the letter Thomas Jefferson wrote to John Adams on the death of Adams’s wife, Abigail. Here it is:

“MONTICELLO, November 13, 1818.
The public papers, my dear friend, announce the fatal event of which your letter of October the 20th had given me ominous foreboding. Tried myself in the school of affliction, by the loss of every form of connection which can rive the human heart, I know well, and feel what you have lost, what you have suffered, are suffering, and have yet to endure. The same trials have taught me that for ills so immeasurable, time and silence are the only medicine. I will not, therefore, by useless condolences, open afresh the sluices of your grief, nor, although mingling sincerely my tears with yours, will I say a word more where words are vain, but that it is of some comfort to us both, that the term is not very distant, at which we are to deposit in the same cerement, our sorrows and suffering bodies, and to ascend in essence to an ecstatic meeting with the friends we have loved and lost, and whom we shall still love and never lose again. God bless you and support you under your heavy affliction.”

Less than two hours after I read that he was gone. That last, beautiful, gorgeous, endless run-on sentence was in my head all day, and it was much appreciated company.

Somewhere around June 25th, my dad had to be admitted to the infirmary at MIT with greatly increased weakness, anxiety and a list of physical demands that we were no longer able to meet at home. It brought him immediate relief to be in the MIT Medical Building, a few short steps from the Chemical Engineering building where he spent nearly four decades of his life - his best years - teaching, researching, experimenting and spending hours every day in the disciplined pursuit of knowledge for the benefit of others. He would be the first to tell you that he had no special gifts for math or some Newtonian genius of insight. He simply worked hard. The constant stream of visits and well-wishes from his former students and peers from all corners of the world has been an incredibly moving testament to the affect his dedication had on those around him.

He had been in a steady state of decline since some early signs of increased weakness in his ability to walk and speak in mid/late April. An MRI in June confirmed that his cancer had not only returned, but spread to the other side of his brain. The certainty of what he was facing was a relief to him, I think. Absolved of any responsibility to beat his disease for anyone else’s benefit, there was a certain clarity of purpose that colored his last couple months. He directed the same attention he had for years focused on particles of carbon towards God. He and my mom wrote a beautiful testimony that she read at Park Street Church in Boston two Sundays ago.

The last two weeks saw him steadily decline on a daily basis. Whereas the last three months were like trying to track the changes of the color of grass from summer to Autumn, the last twelve days were like watching a wildfire sweep through dry brush.

His ability to walk left him shortly after his arrival at MIT. His speech grew more labored. Many of his words became hoarse whispers that no one could understand. The last clear words he spoke to me were “I love you Jonathan, now more than ever.” He spent more and more time sleeping. We had to communicate with him by asking yes or no questions to which he could blink a response.

This last week his brother and two sisters, his niece and her son, my mom’s sister, her brother and sister-in-law and their two kids came to say their goodbyes. The warm embrace of familiar arms was welcomed by everyone. By the time everyone had left at the end of the holiday weekend, his body was simply a reflex machine, seemingly no longer driven by the conscious intent of the spirit woven into its cells. His eyes would rarely open. He would breathe a specific number of times - usually between 4 and 9 long inhales - then not breathe for a specific amount of time - usually 20 to 40 seconds, and repeat this cycle with rolex-worthy precision over and over for hours before the intervals would adjust. If he could have been witness to the rhythms of his dwindling body, the mathematician in him would have been impressed.

Meanwhile, we were all impressed by the strength of his beating heart. His pulse was so strong yesterday that the pumping of blood through this jugular vein would actually cause his head to roll slightly in rhythm. His dad lived to be 93. At 96, his mom is currently an escape hazard at her nursing home. Every organ in my dad’s body, except for one, wanted to keep going. His engine had another 25 years left on it.

His last breath was a peaceful one. There was no great spasm, gasp or any sign of struggle. Despite suffering these long months with the loss of the control of his body, his personality twisted by the side effects of his medicine, at the very end the ship that came to take him away sailed on smooth seas.

Everyone had an opportunity to tell him everything they ever wanted to, namely how much we loved him, how much he had meant in our lives, how much he had taught us, how sorry we were that he had to go through this, and most of all that it was okay for him to leave us.

For most of the past 8 years I’ve been 3000 miles from the greatest teacher and best friend I’ll ever have. We’ve had our differences which have at times distracted from the love at the essence of our relationship. The miles between Boston and Los Angeles made short work of those differences. I’d argue that distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, it simply removes the varnish of petty distractions that coat the fondness that exists endlessly between us. With this in mind, my heart can barely contain the love I feel for my dad, now that the distance between us has grown so enormous that no amount of earthly travel can bring us closer.
It helps greatly to have all of you in our lives, as you’ve shown us nothing but support and love through this whole process. I look forward to sharing some stories about my dad with you soon, and to hearing the ones you might have to share with me. There are a lot of them out there.

I like to think that at this moment he is on a farm somewhere beyond our consciousness, serenaded at night by gentle rain on a tin roof, and in the morning will be working heavenly soil with his brother and his dad, a family slowly reuniting in a place more perfect than this one.

Winchester Newspaper Obituary posting July 10, 2008

2008-07-08T18:49:00.000-07:00

Jack B. Howard, age 70, of Winchester, MA, formerly of Tompkinsville, KY, died peacefully after a long, courageous struggle with brain cancer, on Monday, July 7, 2008. He was the husband of Carolyn Howard. They have resided in Winchester for 35 years. He was born and raised in Tompkinsville, KY. His early education was in a one-room school house which offered no science class. In spite of this, he moved on to the University of Kentucky and furthered his studies at Pennsylvania State University, graduating with a doctoral degree in the field of Fuel Technology in 1965. Jack then joined the MIT Department of Chemical Engineering as a Ford Foundation Postdoctoral Fellow. He was hired as the youngest Assistant Professor, teaching first year students Chemical Engineering, just as he studied the subject himself. As his career blossomed over the next thirty seven years he achieved tenure at MIT and an endowed Chair. He was such humble man, three weeks went by before telling his family about this great honor. In 1995, he was named the first holder of the Hoyt C. Hottel Chair of Chemical Engineering. Jack was a world-renowned expert on high temperature chemistry, especially mechanisms and kinetics of reactions in combustion, fuel processing, materials synthesis, and waste destruction. He made seminal contributions to many challenging research areas, including formation and oxidation polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, fullerenes and soot in flames as well as pyrolysis, gasification, and combustion of coal, biomass and solid waste. He was also the inventor of the combustion synthesis technology for fullerene production. Jack's expertise with these important issues, at the forefront of energy challenges facing the world, will be deeply missed by many colleagues around the world. Jack was not one to pause for long. After his retirement from MIT in 2002, he founded his own nanotechnology company, Nano-C, Inc., in Westwood, MA, a leading developer of nanostructured carbon materials, including fullerenes, single-walled carbon nanotubes (SWCNT) and their chemical derivatives. He participated actively in this company which holds many patents in the field of nano-carbon technology that will continue to benefit scientific developments in years to come Jack was an avid hiker, reader, traveler, and had an enormous love for discovery – values he shared with his wife and children. He had a tremendous love for the Lord and before his passing he rejoiced in the testimony that he and his wife had written. On their behalf, Carolyn presented it before the congregation at Park Street Church in Boston, on June 29, 2008. He is survived by his daughter Courtenay Howard of Winchester, MA, his son Jonathan Howard and his spouse, Megan Coleman of Somerville, MA, and he was also grandfather-to-be. He was the son of Opal and the late Hugh Howard; brother of Keith Howard and his spouse, Paula; Myra Bushong; Bess Abney and her spouse, Roy; and the late Kenny Howard. Also, he was uncle and great-uncle to their many children. He was brother-in-law to Michael Butler and his spouse, Gwen; David Butler and his spouse, Vicki; Suzanne Butler and her spouse, Rob Conrad; and Jan Fisher Butler; as well as, uncle and great-uncle to their many children. His funeral will be held at 10:30am on Wednesday, July 16th at Park Street Church, One Park Street, Boston, MA. Relatives and friends are invited to attend. A private burial for the family has been planned in Tompkinsville, KY. For those who wish to make donations, in lieu of flowers, they may be made to either of the following, in memory of Jack: 1. The Jack B. Howard Memorial Fund at MIT In-Patient Hospice Program, in care of Kathleen Dwyer, MIT Medical Department,
77 Massachusetts Avenue,
Cambridge, MA 02139;

2. The University of Kentucky,
College of Engineering, 251 Ralph G. Anderson Bldg, Lexington, KY 40506; or
3. The Missionary Program at Park Street Church, 1 Park Street, Boston, MA 02108. Today and always, his family celebrates Jack's life since he is eternally with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

UPDATES July 8, 2008

2008-07-08T06:57:00.000-07:00

Jack's memorial service will be held on July 16, 2008 at 10:30 AM at Park St. Church in downtown Boston directly across the street from the Park St. Redline subway stop. The church is on the corner of Tremont St. and Park St. The best means of getting there is public transportation. The best parking is the Boston Common garage. We plan to have a reception afterwards at a place near the church that we are still working on. More details will follow.

Blessings,
Carolyn

UPDATES July 7, 2008 11:00 PM EST

2008-07-07T20:12:00.000-07:00

July 7, 2007
11:00 PM EST

Jack went home to be with his Lord this morning at 11:05 AM. He died in his sleep shortly after I had come home after sleeping over night near him last evening. The nurses had gone in to turn him and bath him. He stopped breathing as they were settling him.

There is a wonderful hymn called “O That Will Be Glory”
It is based on Romans 8:18 – “The sufferings of this present day are nothing compared to the glory to come.”

The Hymn words are as follows:

“When all my labors and trials are o’er, And I am safe on that beautiful shore, Just to be near the dear Lord I adore will through the ages be glory for me.

When by the gift of His infinite grace, I am accorded in heaven a place, Just to be there and look on His face will through the ages be glory for me.

Friends will be there I have loved long ago; Joy like a river around me will flow; Yet just a smile from my Savior, I know, Will through the ages be glory for me.

O that will be glory for me, glory for me, glory for me,
When by His grace I shall look on His face,
That will be glory, be glory for me.”

As my 8 year old niece, Sydney, called to tell me today, “ Uncle Jack has finished the race, and has won the prize” - the prize of seeing his Lord face to face.

We are thankful for all of you that have traveled this journey with us. You made our burden so much lighter. Just know that we are rejoicing with a heavy heart as we are sure you are as well.

Arrangements for the services are pending and should be finalized in the next day or so. We plan to have a memorial service for Jack most likely next week in Boston with another service in September in KY. Burial will be private in KY.

Love and blessings to each of you,
Carolyn and family

From: Klavs F. Jensen [mailto:kfjensen@MIT.EDU] Sent: Monday, July 07, 2008 1:29 PMTo: cheme-fac-sl-em@mit.edu; cheme-support@mit.edu; cheme-computerSubject: Jack Howard 1937-2008

It is with great sadness that I report that Jack Howard passed away peacefully in his sleep this morning after a long courageous struggle with brain cancer. Jack joined the department a Ford Foundation Postdoctoral Fellow after receiving his doctoral degree from Pennsylvania State University in 1965, and remained a very active and highly regarded member of the Department as assistant, associate and full professor until his retirement in 2002. In 1995 he was named the first holder of the Hoyt C. Hottel Chair of Chemical Engineering. Jack was a world-renowned expert on high temperature chemistry, especially mechanisms and kinetics of reactions in combustion, fuel processing, materials synthesis, and waste destruction. He made seminal contributions to many challenging research areas, including formation and oxidation polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, fullerenes and soot in flames as well as pyrolysis, gasification, and combustion of coal, biomass and solid waste. Jack’s expertise with these important issues at the forefront of energy challenges facing the world will be deeply missed.

He was also the inventor of the combustion synthesis technology for fullerene production and in 2001 founded the company Nano-C, a leading developer of nanostructured carbon materials, including fullerenes, single-walled carbon nanotubes (SWCNT) and their chemical derivatives. He participated actively in this company after his retirement.

We will all miss Jack for his deep technical knowledge and his gentle, firm advice to students and faculty alike.

Jack and his family began this struggle with his brain tumor last summer. It has been a courageous battle with ups, downs, and at times some humor. Many of you have followed his struggle through the Howard Family Blog. Jack has had incredible support from his family. He was very blessed to have had them close by supporting him and one another. Our thoughts and prayers go to his wife, Carolyn Howard, children, Courtenay and Jonathan, and his extended family. A memorial service is planned – more information will follow.

Klavs
Chair of Chemical Engineering Department

UPDATES July 7, 2008

2008-07-07T06:45:00.000-07:00

UPDATES
July 7, 2008

Jack is still with us. He appears to be in a deeper sleep than he has been. His breathing was more sporadic yesterday and last evening so I decided to spend the night at the infirmary. These gracious people provided me a room next to his. I was very grateful.
William came from midnight to 3:00 AM. I missed him since I apparently slept. Jack coughed several times in the night to clear his throat. The nurses said his cough was very strong.

This morning when I got up, his breathing rate had increased from 3-4 breaths every 37-40 seconds to 5 breaths every 30 seconds. His color is rosy; his hands and feet are warm. He is very peaceful as are we.

I came home this morning to eat breakfast and get ready to go back for the day. Jack’s heart and lungs are strong and were ready per Jonathan for another 25 years. Our Lord planned differently. We continue to wait on our Lord as he carries us through this amazing experience. We continue to praise our Lord for His tender mercy and grace. His timing is perfect.

We thank all of you for your care and prayers.

Love,
Carolyn and family

UPDATES July 6, 2008

2008-07-06T07:01:00.001-07:00

UPDATES
July 6, 2008

I spoke with the nurse this morning and Jack remains the same as yesterday. He was breathing about 8 breaths/minute with 32 second pauses before his breathing resumed. We thought yesterday was Jack’s resurrection day but the Lord tarries. He is comfortable and is medicated to ease the labored breathing.

One of his former students visited him yesterday. He is Mohommad Hajaligol. We had posted on the blog last fall a letter he had written to Jack that described how Jack had impacted him personally and professionally. Also, our dear friends, the Howells, from our Bible study, faithfully visit him each day. We thank all of you for your undying support and comfort.

I spoke with William Karaba last evening. William was Jack’s night caregiver. He asked if we minded if he came and sat with him last evening. William helped one of the night nurses turn and bath him. William, as well as Annette, who keeps calling to check on him, were wonderful caregivers who truly became part of our family.

I am posting an email from my sister-in-law Vicki that expresses it all:

Caroloyn:

As I was reading your blog this morning - it reminded me that this was one of the verses that we used in Vacation Bible School. This really addresses where Jack is in his race to the ultimate prize, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It also reminded me of a verse in II Timothy 4:5-8 - when Paul was speaking to his son Timothy as Paul was dying - “But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.” This is Jack - he has fought the fight, finished the course and kept the faith - he will surely be in the presence of the Lord - how glorious is that!

I wish I had had the opportunity to be around him a lot more than I was. But the few years that I was around him have made an enormous impact on me. At times, very slow and others very fast and the last few months, his undying faith in the Lord Jesus Christ has impacted my own spiritual growth... Praise be to God! The message you guys presented, I believe, will make a huge impact on lots of people

I love you and am keeping you all in my prayers - that is for the Lord to keep you and comfort you through these days.
Love,
Vicki

p.s. David, Matthew Ryan, Caleb and Sydney send their love!

We will continue to keep you posted. Jack’s sister, Bess and her husband, Roy left yesterday. His sister, Myra and her family leave today. We are grateful for the time they have had with Jack. They all said that they got to say all the things they wanted to say. Truly, the blessing of cancer is the opportunity to say everything you want to say.

Carolyn and family

UPDATES July 5, 2008

2008-07-05T04:32:00.000-07:00

UPDATES
July 5, 2008

Jack continues to weaken. I spoke with the nurse this morning and her words were, “I think we are closer”. Jack was less responsive last evening. His breathing is slower and he is showing signs of edema on his back that is another sign. She also said that he was looking a little blue around his mouth meaning that his oxygen intake is lower.

Jack’s sister, Bess and her husband Roy arrived last evening and were able to spend some time with him. His niece and great nephew, Michele and Jared, arrived yesterday morning and were also able to spend some time with him.

We continue to be upheld by the power of our Savior, thankfully. It makes me think of Phil. 3:14 – “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus”. Jack will soon be in the arms of his beloved, Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ.

Blessings,
Carolyn and family

UPDATES July 4, 2008

2008-07-04T07:48:00.000-07:00

UPDATES
July 4, 2008

Happy July 4th.

Jack had a comfortable night last night per the nurses. They go in and turn him regularly. He communicated with them each time but went back to sleep. He became cool this morning and took a towel under his head and put around his shoulders. The nurse went in and asked him if he was cool and he indicated he was by blinking with his eyes after being asked if he was cool. Since speaking is so difficult for him, we have told him if the answer is yes to blink with his eyes which he does very easily. He is still so present. It makes for an easier time for him and us.

Jack had been on steroids since last fall to reduce brain swelling. Steroids cause a lot of fluid retention, a “moon” shaped face and abdomen swelling. These characteristics had somewhat altered his appearance making him look like he had put on a lot of weight which he really had not. After a picture that was made at Easter of himself that he saw, he asked who it was when he saw it. The medical team took him off of the steroids on Tuesday, so he is now releasing all of the fluid from this retention. You may remember back in the fall on the blog I told about a conversation with Jack about the amount he was urinating. He commented that it was a mass transfer issue and that the sum of the flows was zero. Well, the sum of the flows is negative now since there is no intake, just output. One of the striking things about Jack’s appearance yesterday is that he had lost a considerable amount of the “moon” look in is face. Based on the output last evening, I expect that he will have lost even more of that look now. Since steroids also cause agitation and irritability, coming off of them has helped with his peacefulness for which we are very thankful.

He sleeps more now. Yesterday when a now retired MIT and Nano-C colleague, Tony Modestino, came in to visit him, he not only acknowledged him but told him “that it was very good, as always, to see him. He also thanked him for coming”. Amazing is all I can say.

Jack’s niece, Michele, and her son Jared arrive this morning. Jack’s sister, Bess and her husband Roy arrive this evening. Boston is insane today with major roads closed and about one million people coming into the city for the famous July 4th celebration on the Charles River Esplanade. Many of you may be able to see it on TV this evening. The infirmary is across the street from the Cambridge side of the river. We will likely not stay around for the fireworks since we would then spend 2 hours driving about 8 miles in going home.

We continue to “wait for the Lord, my (our) soul doth wait, and in His word do I (we) hope.
Psalm 130:5
Blessings,
Carolyn and family

Email from a Howard family friend

2008-07-03T06:38:00.001-07:00

Danny Carter grew up with Jack and was in our wedding. He sent this message this week.

CAROLYN AND KEITH AND HOWARD FAMILY.

YOURS HAS BEEN AND IS A TRULY REMARKABLE JOURNEY. I TALKED TO MY SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS SUNDAY MORN JUNE 29 ABOUT JACKS THOUGHTS ABOUT NOT WITNESSING FOR THE LORD AS MUCH AS HE THOUGHT HE SHOULD HAVE. THE CONSENSUS FROM THIS GROUP OF ELDERLY BAPTISTS WAS THAT HE WAS CONTINUING TO WITNESS EVEN AS HE LAYS DYING .HAVE APEACEFUL JOURNEY JACK MY HEARTFELT THANKS FOR GROWING UP WITH YOU AND KNOWING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY DANNY CARTER

Bob Cohen visit, Chemical Engineering Colleague

2008-07-03T06:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn-
Bob went to see Jack yesterday and Jack was as gracious as possible. He is truly amazing.
You and your family are in our hearts, thoughts, and prayers.
I wish I had something worth reading to say.
I just wanted to let you know how much we are thinking of you all at this time.
With much love-
Jane

Linda Griffith email after her visit

2008-07-03T06:33:00.001-07:00

Linda is a colleague of Jack's and was with Jack in an office suite at MIT for several years. She grew up in Georgia and is growing Magnolia Grandiflora in Cambridge, MA, a miracle in and of itself.

Her email yesterday after visiting Jack.

Dear Carolyn,
I have been following the blog - its beautiful - and visited Jack this morning briefly and he seemed to recognize me and said hello. The nurses were awesome in helping us interact in the best way possible.

My southern magnolia miraculously started blooming this week, so I cut the bloom this morning and took it in for you as a little piece of the South up here in New England. This flower was the 3rd of the summer and each one is a little miracle (to me) as it reminds me of God's beauty. It will probably have more blooms over the rest of the week/weekend and I can bring one in to Jack every day it blooms, if that would be at all meaningful to you (there are about 6-8 more buds on the little tree I have in my yard).
With love, Linda

Linda G. GriffithS.E.T.I. Professor of Biological and Mechanical EngineeringDirector, Biotech/Pharma Engineering CenterMIT 16-42977 Massachusetts Ave.Cambridge, MA 02139617-253-0013fax 617-253-2400http://web.mit.edu/lgglab/index.html

Message from Jack's colleague Tom Bowman

2008-07-03T06:29:00.000-07:00

Please listen the Psalm 23 on the link that Tom provided.
Carolyn

> From: "Tom Bowman" <ctbowman@stanford.edu>> To: "Carolyn Howard" <chowardcfp@comcast.net>> Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2008 1:03 PM> Subject: Jack>>>>

Carolyn,

I was saddened to see the latest news about Jack on your web site. My mind immediately went to my favorite Psalm, the 23rd, which is a clear reminder that the Lord is always with us. The web site below has a beautiful rendition of this psalm from the KJV bible. I look at it often; I hope you find it comforting as well.
Tom

http://www.interviewwithgod.com/psalm23.htm

Email from Phil Westmoreland July 3, 2008

2008-07-03T06:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn,
I saw this morning's blog entry. We're thinking of you all and praying for your strength and comfort.This weekend, I went by the infirmary first on Saturday about 11 am. Jack was sleeping, but Viktor and Jack's brother Keith and I talked awhile. I went back by Saturday night and last night, each time having about a 30-min visit with him. Saturday night, he was floating in and out but could talk haltingly a little, so I insisted on doing most of the talking. Not hard for a professor!He was not very intelligible Sunday night at all, but he was able to communicate that he needed some water and I gave it to him. When I left, I told him how good it was to see him and he said quite clearly, "It's always good to see you, Phil."

Before I left Cambridge Monday morning, I went by again. Among other things, I told him I'd just been in contact with Adel Sarofim about a soot paper in progress, and he smiled in appreciation. I showed him some of our family pictures on the laptop, and he asked where "the children" are now and how Kathleen was, asking me to give her his best.Despite his physical decline, he is still hanging on to his awareness and endearing thoughtfulness.
Phil--

Prof. Phillip R. WestmorelandDept of Chemical Engineering, Univ of Massachusetts Amherst157A Goessmann; 686 N Pleasant; Amherst MA 01003-9303413-545-1750 (Sect'y at -2507), eFAX 775-254-2509http://www.ecs.umass.edu/che/faculty/westmoreland.html[On leave, serving as:Program Director; Combustion, Fire, and Plasma SystemsNational Science Foundation4201 Wilson Blvd, Arlington VA 22230703-292-8371; FAX 703-292-9054 ]

UPDATES July 3, 2008

2008-07-03T05:55:00.001-07:00

UPDATES
July 3, 2008

Jack remains about the same. He is still conscious but is sleeping more. He lets us know if he is uncomfortable and needs something. Jack continues to have many people come and see him and speak to him. He acknowledges them by name and seems happy that they have come by.

Last evening he ate a small amount of applesauce and drank some buttermilk which we had to go out and get since he was out of the quart I had brought in. His heart rate is still strong. Last evening after eating and drinking, he told me that he was having difficulty breathing. The nurses had kept him upright in his bed until they were comfortable that his food had gone down which they said was likely causing some pressure on his lungs. After a few minutes we lowered him and he seemed more comfortable.

Last week his doctor told us that he would likely last about a week after he stops eating. I think that for all purposes, he has essentially stopped eating now. We are truly on our Lord’s time table and we rest with that.

My sister, Suzanne, arrived yesterday and will be with us as long as necessary but at least for 3 weeks. Myra’s daughter, Michele and her son Jared, along with Jack’s younger sister, Bess and her husband Roy, arrive tomorrow to see Jack.

Each day seems too short for us yet closer and closer to Jack’s presence with our beloved Lord.

Have a day that brings honor to our Lord, proclaim in all ways for His glory.

Carolyn and family

UPDATE July 2, 2008

2008-07-02T05:29:00.000-07:00

UPDATE
July 2, 2008

I spoke with the nurses when I got up this morning. Jack had a restful night and had wanted a glass of buttermilk, one of his favorite Southern drinks. He drank about ¾ of a cup. He stopped eating yesterday so per the doctor will likely not last long now.

His Dr. said he had never seen anything quite like this before. Last evening when Dr. Kettyle checked on him, Jack told him that he woke him up (Jack’s voice is barely audible now) but thanked him for checking on him. Jack told him he had no pain and that he was comfortable.

Yesterday, Myra, Jack’s sister, and I were talking to him as we stood by his bed. He looked up and feebly said, “Double Trouble” and then laughed.

He is comfortable. He has had many people visiting and bidding him goodbye. He is content – his and our cups runneth over thanks be to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Love,
Carolyn and family

UPDATES July 1, 2008

2008-07-01T06:10:00.000-07:00

UPDATES
July 1, 2008

Jack is continuing to decline. He took a significant downturn yesterday with a change in breathing and eating. He was not responsive at all yesterday morning but woke up briefly yesterday afternoon coupled with wanting something to eat last evening.

I fed him chicken noodle soup, some watermelon mashed up, and jello. He ate all of it but was very exhausted by the process. He can barely speak at this point. He is no longer on any of his medications. The breathing change is a result of the brain stem swelling per the Doctor.

Jack’s sister, Myra, arrived yesterday. My sister, Suzanne, arrives tomorrow. We continue to covet your prayers that the Lord will sustain us and grant Jack a peaceful death and into the arms of his beloved Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ. Our confidence is not in this flesh but in Christ, who alone is worthy to be praised.

For those of you who may be wondering, after Jack’s passing away, we will plan to have a memorial service in Boston about two weeks from his time of death to allow anyone that may want to attend to get here. We plan to have another service in KY the second weekend in September which coincides with Jack’s Mother’s family reunion. With many family members and friends in KY, we feel that it is important to share and celebrate what Jack has given all of us over the years. Jack will be buried in Skaggs Creek Cementery which is very near the farm he grew up on. Burial will be private.

Thank you and blessings to all of you who have traveled this journey with us. We are thankful for all of you.
Blessings,
Carolyn

UPDATES June 28, 2008

2008-06-28T09:08:00.000-07:00

UPDATES
June 28, 2008

Jack was moved on Wednesday to the MIT medical infirmary to a hospice setting. He has declined tremendously over the last week gradually losing his ability to walk or transfer. It became a dangerous situation for Jack, as well as the caregivers and myself. With his doctors, we decided that he needed much more care.

He sleeps a lot now but still recognizes each person that he sees and acknowledges them by name. He is very agitated and restless. They are giving him medication to make him more comfortable. His primary care physician told us yesterday that he likely has only about 2 weeks left. My hope and prayer is that the Lord will take him quickly since Jack is so uncomfortable now.

Jack was scheduled to give his testimony at church tomorrow. Since he is unable to do it, I will be doing it for him. I have included it as part of the blog.

We continue to desire your prayers and care.

Blessings,
Carolyn and family

TESTIMONY
June 29, 2008

Over the years, we have been concerned that we were not effective in speaking of our love for the Lord as much as we should. At one point, I wrote a dear pastor who is a family friend with this concern. His reply has always been an encouragement to me. It was “Carolyn, if you are one of His, it will leak out somewhere.”

Last August 22, 2007, the Lord gave us a very special opportunity. Jack and I have been enormously touched by the Lord with the abundance of Himself as He drew us near to Him over our lives individually and together. All of the events of our lives have been divine gifts, even this one that I am about to describe to you.

As I stand before you this morning, Jack is in a much more weakened condition in the MIT medical infirmary. He had been so hopeful, with much planning, that he could be here to give our testimony. He truly wanted to share how the Lord has worked in his life even in his illness as well as our lives. To quote him from a recent comment, “the best part of getting weaker and weaker is that I am getting closer and closer to the Lord.” As he is listening on the radio with his brother, Keith by his side, I bring our feeble words of hope to all of you, especially to our children, Courtenay, Jonathan, and Megan.

Jack and I have been working for many years, enjoying our lives together and our children, Courtenay, Jonathan, and Megan (our daughter-in-law). Last summer after 2 major falls and some minor difficulty using his left hand, Jack consulted his doctor at MIT. He was sent immediately to MGH for tests. The results came back that they had found a mass the size of a racket ball in the right frontal lobe of his brain. They needed to do more scans and tests to determine what it was. The results came back that he had grade 4 Glioblastoma brain cancer, the most aggressive type of brain cancer. They determined it was inoperable due to the location – surgery would likely create left side paralysis (the treatment did instead). On that first day, when the doctors first told us about the mass in Jack’s brain, I personally felt physically ill and numb. I felt a strong need to throw up. The sensation in my body was riveting. Over the weeks and months of this disease, I have experienced much emotional and physical pain. My heart felt like someone took it out, sliced it up and then jumped on it. I have developed a chronic problem with my hands that no one can figure out. My inability to sleep at times has been debilitating. Initially, I had tremendous difficulty even being in our home. I saw Jack everywhere in my mind. However, in spite of my physical response which has continued over the last 10 months to create several health issues for me as Jack’s wife, the Lord was and is so clearly with us as I am about to describe.

From the first day of the news, the Lord gave us a very special peace and strength. I Tim 1:12 came to mind – “We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.”
At the first mention of the brain mass, we immediately responded by talking about no bad outcomes here – if Jack survives, we can continue our earthly walk with our Lord and each other. If Jack does not survive he will be with the Lord in glory worshipping Him forever, perfectly. Psalm 112:7 came to mind for us – “He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look with triumph on his foes.”

As we discussed the events and the days ahead, we were blessed with the realization that the Lord had placed His special hand on us once again – first in drawing us to Himself and now an opportunity to proclaim Him. This experience truly was a ministry opportunity for us that as I said to my mother, we cannot blow. To quote Jack, "many people do not have the opportunity to see this much beauty and majesty in their lives. I feel very content, my cup runs over.”

This moment in time was our ministry moment. Our primary goals in this trial were and are as follows:

1. Exalt and bring honor to our Lord in each step of the journey.
2. Acknowledge Him to all people that we encounter along the way.
3. Trust the Lord for His care and provision for us.
4. Pray for submission to His will in our lives.

We thought of Paul in Romans 8:18
“For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”

We can speak of our Lord in our lives but the world is truly watching during a trial such as this one. They begin to measure ones words with the action that they see. So as we have journeyed this course from the treatments, surgeries, recoveries, side effects of the treatments, and the disease itself, the Lord has carried us into the arms of caregivers who have prayed with us and for us, into the legions of prayers that have gone up all over the world from family to Jack’s former MIT students, colleagues, and friends that we have or have made in our life’s journey. We have received letters, cards, emails, and comments on our website from people that we have never heard of from all over this country. They are all marching with us during this last phase of Jack’s life. The Lord has made the experience breathtaking as we experience His hand on our lives. The Lord has truly supplied all of our needs; from caregivers from Haiti, Uganda, Kenya, and Zimbabwe to the meals that have been given to us when I thought, “Oh me, what is going to be for dinner?” We have been touched by others who are also afflicted. We have experienced joy, sadness, laughter, tears, love, prayer, hugs, support and genuine outpourings from so many such as yourselves. From 1 Thessalonians 4:13, “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him…..And so we will be the Lord forever.”

Jack’s impact on his students and colleagues at MIT over the years has been amazing. Jack’s regret recently has been that he was not more vocal about His love for the Lord and the Lord’s love for him. I have tried to encourage Jack by telling him that some people walk with the Lord as evidenced by their lives. Others do the talking or the Lord gives a new opportunity to talk which He has done for us. There have many letters, cards, and emails that have encouraged Jack in this regard. A recent card from a MIT colleague commented that “one of the reasons she had stayed at MIT over the years brought to mind Jack – as the prototypical ‘force of all things good’ that lifts up everyone around them. To quote her – “Even though my research area did not overlap with Jack’s, he had a powerful influence on me during our years together in the Chemical Engineering Department. Yes, he set a high standard for brilliance and hard work, but most importantly, for collegiality and general wisdom about how to live life well, and how to treat others around you. I got to know Jack at a time when I was a bit lost in many aspects of life and his incredible devotion to family and God helped me find my way back to church and to Christ. In your blog, you bring faith in the Lord to life in the most amazing, inspirational manner, it is such a beautiful testament.” What an encouragement this card was to us at a time when it felt that we had been forgotten. We praise our Lord for each and every moment we can proclaim Him whether through our website (www.howardupdates.blogspot.com), through the friends, family, and colleagues who share this time with us.

Jack’s cancer is progressing now – the likely final phase in his journey is quickly approaching. In John 15:16, our Lord says: “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear much fruit –fruit that will last.” Our prayer is that in this difficult journey that so many of you are sharing with us that the Lord produces the fruit that will last. “Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.” We have asked for opportunity to exalt and praise our King and Lord and talk about His care for us throughout this time in our lives and particularly at this time. Our prayers have been and are continuing to be answered.
There are several verses that I want to close with that have provided sustenance and encouragement to us. They are as follows:
Rom 8:28-32 – “And we know that all things God works for the good of those who love love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified. What shall we say in response to this? If God be for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all – how will he not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?”
What then can we say?
Psalm 91:2 – “I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’”
Psalm 70:4-5 – But may all who seek you, rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, “Let God be exalted.” Yet I am poor and needy, come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer, O Lord, do not delay.”

And now to all of you who have been prayer warriors with us and for us I say as Paul spoke to the Phillipians in 4:4-9
“Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
I want to close with Jack’s words to Courtenay on Thursday evening as she put her hand on him to tell him how much she loves him – he took her hand and looked at her, barely able to speak and quoted from Proverbs 3:5
“Honey, trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.”
I want to add vs. 6
“In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
And lastly:
Eph 1:6
“To the praise of the glory of his grace wherein He has made us accepted in the beloved.”

AMEN!

UPDATES June 11, 2008

2008-06-11T13:38:00.000-07:00

UPDATES
June 9, 2008

Spring is in full bloom and if I didn’t realize where we are, I would think we were firmly planted back in the South based on the weather. We have been having Southern summer-like weather for a few days now. Most New Englanders think I am crazy but I love it. It brings me back to my roots.

We have been having some issues with Jack recently. About 2 weeks ago, after a particularly busy day, he became immobilized. He could not stand up or walk. After help from Jonathan, we were able to get him to the bathroom and to bed. The next day, Jack slept most of the day and was very confused. As I have mentioned in the past, breakfast is Jack’s most important meal, especially mentally. On that particular day, he called me at 5:00 PM to ask me why he was being given snack food instead of his usual breakfast. Why had I not told him there was a big change in the schedule. I told him that he was confused but that he could eat breakfast anytime he wanted. He got breakfast for the second time that day.

As a result of this event, I contacted his Dr. who ordered a MRI for last week instead of the end of June. The news came back that Jack’s cancer has spread to the other side of his brain. It has moved to the part of his brain that controls his ability to walk. He will likely lose his ability to walk over the next weeks. Jack and I were prepared for this information since we have observed him walking slower and having less energy. He told Jonathan yesterday that he is just so tired.

As Jack and I discussed the inevitable of this disease, he said he was so glad it was him instead of me because he feels that I can better handle the family better than him. I assured him that my abilities are only part of a team that we have been for 39 years. The Lord gives, the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord. Jack said last week that the best part of getting weaker and weaker is that he is getting closer and closer to the Lord. There is great comfort in this knowledge. We covet your prayers as the Lord closes out Jack’s earthly life and as he prepares for his eternal rest.

The caregivers have changed again. The law student did not work out. We began with another woman, Donna, who could not do the job. She lasted 2 days. Annette wanted to come back but only on days. She is willing to stay over if I need to be out of town. We are very happy to have her back. She is very competent. We work well together. After 5 children, nothing disturbs her.
She is willing and ready to provide us with excellent care and most importantly, trustworthy care. We are thankful for her return. She leaves at 7:00 PM. We can have a family dinner together. After dinner, I either read to Jack or we watch some television. I then help him get to bed. We have adjusted. Someone recently invited me to participate in a fitness center for a boot camp experience. I wrote back that I was already enrolled in boot camp. I am most grateful that I am able to do some of Jack’s care. We laugh, we cry, we enjoy each moment together.

We continue to enjoy the beautiful weather. I have had Jack either sitting on our screened porch or in his wheelchair outside while I dig in the dirt and work in our garden. There is nothing more healing for me than to dig in the dirt for hours on end. The work gives almost instant gratification. Anytime, you want to walk through the garden, please stop by and enjoy. It is really beautiful this time of year. It wraps around the house and is always a work in process. Let me know if you like to dig in the dirt, there is always a job to do.

As we prepare for the last phase of this illness, we continue to covet your prayers for us. It is difficult to imagine the next book in my life since Jack has been the main character in my life for two thirds of it. We are both submitted to the Lord in this challenge and will continue to trust Him for his care, love, and provision.

Jack and I have a favorite hymn that we grew up singing. The title is “It is Well with my Soul”.

“When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll:
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
‘It is well, It is well with my soul.’

Though Satan should buffet, tho’ trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

And, Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend,
Even so – it is well with my soul.

It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.”

Blessings,
Carolyn

UPDATE May 24-27, 2008

2008-05-27T03:43:00.000-07:00

UPDATE
May 24, 2008

The good news is that Jack continues to remain stable as does Carolyn and family. We are always thankful for what now has become our routine. The Lord continues to supply our every need for which we can only give praise to Him, our King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

After my week off for “oxygen” in April, my trip to CA for business, and then to New Orleans for business and pleasure, I am most grateful to be safely home and back into the comforts of home.
New Orleans was a remarkable experience. Jack’s sister, Myra, and I survived the week together or should I better say that New Orleans survived the week with us together. Myra and I were roommates in college and certainly picked up where we left off some 42 or 43 years ago –sometime last century to be sure. Myra was very encouraged to see downtown New Orleans, including the French Quarters and the American district known as the Garden District looking like she remembered it when attending Tulane graduate school. Only about 30% of the population has returned to New Orleans. Slowly, businesses are recovering. The outlying regions are still tragically abandoned and desolate in many places. Beautiful neighborhoods have 2 out 3 houses abandoned. It will take years for full recovery, if ever. One of the most fascinating things we learned was that the American Indians told the French never to build within 4 miles of Lake Ponchatrain (2nd largest lake in the US). The flood waters stopped exactly at the 4 mile mark in the Katrina hurricane that the Indians had designated to the French centuries ago. Somehow, we just don’t listen well. The city is alive and recovering and is a wonderful vacation destination with delicious food and a remarkable history. One important fact we learned was that black women were the primary land owners (80%) in New Orleans. Also, the reason that the music evolved in New Orleans, the black people were only servants by day but were free to go home and live their lives at night – ie – play and sing their music. Women were voting there as early as the early 1800’s. That area went in reverse for many years after we purchased it from Spain who had bought it from the French.

Back to Jack – thanks to Jack’s brother, Keith, spending about 5 days with Jack while I was in New Orleans, Jack managed to surprise me with putting Spring in our garden with bringing out the bird baths, cleaning out the bubbling tiny pond, and keeping Jack busy with many activities. Jack took Keith to Peoplefit and to Nano-C. All of this activity made the time pass more quickly as well as more comfortable for Jack while I was away. Thank you Keith for all of your help and companionship. We have been so blessed with many family members, neighbors, and friends extending so much to us in the prayers, thoughts, and visits.

Jack continues to gain more stamina physically and mentally. He will likely begin going to Nano-C two days/week for a few hours each day. He stayed 3 hours recently and came home with a big smile on his face.

We have had some caregiver changes. Annette decided she wanted day hours instead of live-in hours. We made a change last week but we are back to the drawing board. This week we have had another Ugandan woman who is attending law school here. It is not a good fit for us as a live-in situation. I am interviewing another woman today. These issues are part of our normal life now. We were blessed to have Annette with us as long as possible. We wish her the best. William is still with us and to our knowledge will continue to be part of the caregiver team. Since I wrote this over the weekend, we have now hired Donna, a local Italian woman who has been caregiving for 12 years with much live-in experience. Hopefully, she will work out. One of the most difficult challenges of our situation is dealing with the all of these people in our home. They all have big hearts but they each bring their own personalities and challenges.

Jack was evaluated for this fancy new “blue tooth” electronic equipment that could act as his brain when it comes to walking. He will be fitted with the Bioness leg equipment in a week. He will wear a leg band that has a computer chip in it. When he walks, a little sensor that will be under his heel and attached to the side of his shoe will trigger his nerves and muscles to work in his leg. When Jack went for his evaluation, we saw a woman who had a paralyzed arm and leg similar to Jack who was walking almost normally with a little assistance from a regular cane. It was very impressive and encouraging. If you would like to more about it, you can log into www.bioness.com. The leg equipment is very light weight and can be worn all of his waking hours. The arm equipment can only be used about 3 hours/day for more specialized situations. One of the things we are doing now is stretching Jack’s calf muscles and achilles tendon. These areas have become somewhat rigid as a result of wearing the rigid foot drop brace. When we walk, our toes come up automatically when we put pressure on our heels. Jack’s toes drop causing him to trip and stumble which necessitates the brace or Bioness equipment to help him. We are very excited about it. Jack is in a special splint a few hours/day to help stretch and relax his left leg. Pray that Jack’s mobility may be enhanced with this modern technology.

Our hearts go out to the Kennedy family as they are beginning their journey into this challenging world of brain tumors. This disease is devastating in so many ways. It is very painful to watch our loved ones have so much physical struggle. The best part of the struggles we have is to know that these experiences are opportunities to be reminded of our dependence on our Lord. It is also His opportunity to remind us of His love and grace toward us. It brings to mind a special passage in Isaiah 41:9-10 – “I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, You are my servant, I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.
Vs. 13-14 – For I am the Lord, your God. Who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you. Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.”

Thanks be to God for His tender mercies in all matters of our lives. Continue to pray that the Lord will be honored regardless of what is ahead and that we will continue to rejoice and be glad in each day because it is a day that the Lord has made.

Blessings,
Carolyn and family

UPDATE May 2, 2008

2008-05-02T04:01:00.000-07:00

UPDATE
May 2, 2008

The Lord continues to provide Jack with improving strength and healing. We have continued with a routine of activity for him and with him. His typical week is getting outside as much as possible in this glorious Spring we are having. He goes to People Fit two to three times/week as well as a weekly visit to Nano-C, the company that he founded a few years ago. What has been encouraging to all of us is that his stamina is slowly increasing. This week he was at Nano-C for a couple of hours instead of ½ hour.

Life continues to present challenges and struggles as well for Jack. As he has gained more strength from his physical training at People Fit, he has also gained more confidence in his ability to walk and go where he wants to be in the house more independently. As you might guess, he has taken some tumbles. What has been amazing is his ability to get himself upright with much less assistance. If he goes down, he usually ends up flat on the floor. He can now sit up without assistance. Once he sits up, he then needs an anchor to hold to as he pulls himself upright. Needless to say, I am not that physical anchor but my sister, Suzanne, who was here for about a month could do that as well as Annette, Jack’s caregiver. As we keep reminding him, the goal is to really be as careful as possible but sometimes that is not good enough. It is difficult to imagine but if any of you run out of things to do and want to understand better what Jack’s experience is, get flat on the floor and try to get up using only one side of your body. I cannot do it. Thankfully, all of those years on the farm growing up coupled with lots of walking, hiking, etc, Jack is very strong. I believe it adds to his mental determination as well. Keep praying that the Lord will continue to equip him and us with all that we need and ask for in Christ. When we are the Lord’s, he graciously teaches us submission even if He places us on the floor. He slowly brings us up to see Him. It reminds me of the verse in Psalm 37:23-25 that states: “If the Lord delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand. I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging for bread.” Jack may physically stumble and fall but the Lord continues to uphold Jack and bring him back to his feet. We are most grateful for the smallest provisions. We never feel forsaken.

My trip away was very restful. My sister-in-law, Jan Butler, and I had a delightful time. My trip to California was very refreshing as well. I had a meeting to attend. I see old friends and new people. It was a great encouragement to me. I met a new person, Jim Potts.. When a friend and I were having dinner on Sunday evening, Jim came along. My friend, Karen Easterling, said she wanted to know all about how things were going and what my day was like at home. I explained to Jim our situation. He immediately said, do not believe anything the doctors tell you about his prognosis. He said 21 years ago, I was diagnosed with a lymph gland cancer. I was given 2 months to live. Here I am to tell about it after more than 2 decades. Others came to me and told me that they would be praying for us. I also had lunch with Megan’s parents. It is always such a pleasure to see them and catch up and share our children’s stories. Megan’s Dad is coming this weekend to visit with Jonathan and Megan.

I leave tomorrow for the last travel event that has been planned. I am attending a conference in New Orleans next week. This trip has been planned for a year. It is one that Jack and I had looked forward to attend. Since he is unable to go, Jack’s sister is going with me. I have found that it is best if I am with others that are part of our extended family. Myra, Jack’s sister, went to graduate school at Tulane so it should be fun for her as well. It will be most interesting to see New Orleans post Katrina. I will give you a full report upon my return. Jack says New Orleans will never be the same when Myra and I have been there!

I want to give a very special thank you to my sister, Suzanne, who was with us almost a month to help Jack while I was more out than in. It gave both of us much peace of mind knowing family was around. Suzanne really helped Jack get files organized. Jack’s organization was a huge asset of his until he became ill. It is one of his most difficult tasks now. Suzanne and Jack organize mentally in very similar ways, so Jack is very excited about this order of his papers. I also want to thank Jack’s brother, Keith, who is coming this weekend for several days while I am in New Orleans. Also, a big thank you to Paula, Keith’s wife, who is willing to share him right now. Keith and Paula are completing the building of a new home. I am sure that as the end approaches, life is very hectic for them.

Thank you to all of you who continue to hold us up in your prayers and thoughts. I thought I better update the blog since I am getting calls and emails from several people wondering what is going on. Please remember our parents. Jack’s Mom has been moved to a nursing home now near Jack’s two sisters in Lexington, KY. My Dad is experiencing more difficulty with his Parkinson’s coupled with congestive heart problems. Getting old is not for sissies!!!

Happy Mother’s Day to all of us who have been blessed to be called Mom.

May the Lord bless and keep you in the shadow of His wings for His glory and our good.

Carolyn and family

UPDATE April 6, 2008

2008-04-06T07:13:00.000-07:00

UPDATE
April 6, 2008

We have been brought safely through another week. Since we have garnered the troops to start moving, Jack has enjoyed the new schedule. As we mentioned last week, we planned to go the movies for the first time since Jack became ill. We sat on the back row, just like high school days. Now that we have a handicapped person, we appreciate all of the efforts that people have created in buildings, towns, and cities to improve the ability to navigate for all of us who need those adaptations – another provision of the Lord. As Jack so wonderfully stated several weeks ago, without this experience we would have never had the opportunity to see this side of life.

Back to the movie “21”, it was most entertaining. However, mid-movie, Jack needed to go to the bathroom (a fear I had only pondered). I pushed him out to the common area, sought out a customer service person, and asked him where the handicap bathroom was for Jack. Of course, it was a space in the men’s room. I explained that I had to go in with him. This young man said let me check to see if anyone is in there; he did and reported that it was empty. I said what if someone comes in while we are in there. He said, I will spot the door. The coast was clear and in we went. All was executed very easily. Jack then said, in 39 years of marriage, this is a first. So we decided that he who goes to handicap bathrooms together, stays together!!! I feel a little like the Dr. Seuss book that describes “the places we go”! Jack and our family thoroughly enjoyed the movie and we decided that the adventure was very much worth the effort. Everyone thanked me for pulling this one off. Even our children were not sure about this one

Jack continues with the health club twice per week and is really enjoying the activity and the people. He also went to Nano-C briefly this week. I am most grateful for Annette who is willing and very able to take him to these places.

For those of you that are engineers out there, you will appreciate the following story. For those of you who are not, you will get a glimpse of what it is like to live with an engineer. If this story is a little too personal for some of you, I apologize but I think it worth telling.
You may remember early on with Jack’s first hospitalization, I made mention of the fact that he was urinating very frequently at which point he said that it was a mass transfer problem – the sum of the flows is zero. This story is in the same vain. One of the minor difficulties that we have experienced is Jack pants getting damp when he uses the urinal. This morning as I was helping him with the urinal, I had an idea to help prevent this problem. At this point, Jack begins explaining the damp pants problem - here goes –
“The problem with the pants getting damp is the urine climbs up the urinal wall via a hydraulic jump forming when the kinetic energy of the stream suddenly decreases while potential energy or the thickness of stream on the wall increases causing the urine to climb up the wall onto the pants.” All I could say was oh my – could you repeat that because I have to write it down for the blog!!!! The Lord supplies all of our needs including the laughter. When Jack had his last MRI, I observed many crevices all through the gray matter of his brain. I am certain there are many more than I could ever dream of having and I am certain that a few of them think about damp pants problems as well as mass transfer problems!!!!! I am telling you, urinating will never be the same. It only gets more complicated.

My sister, Suzanne, safely arrived on Friday to stay for a month. She had offered to come and stay with us while I take my needed rest and relaxation as well as some business trips. Suzanne has experienced some disabling health issues and has an appreciation of Jack’s situation probably better than I do. We are most grateful for her generosity as well as her husband, Rob. Courtenay, Megan, and Jonathan are very excited to have her around. Many years ago, Suzanne worked with children with muscular dystrophy. Her experiences will certainly enrich us. Suzanne is 15 years younger than me and our children think of her as a contemporary.

The Lord willing, I leave tomorrow morning for 7 days with another family member, my sister-in-law, Jan to rest, relax, and charge my batteries. I thought it would be best if I had another close family member with me to enjoy the time together. My prayer and hope is that the Lord will provide refreshment to my body and soul.

I also want to thank Roberta (don’t know anymore) who provided a comment in the last blog entry. Roberta, I would appreciate your email address for further correspondence. My email address is chowardcfp@comcast.net. Jack is a retired PhD MIT Chemical Engineering professor. I found it interesting that your husband is a PhD Chem E person.
Our prayer for you is that the Lord will sustain you in the difficult days ahead. A verse that has been most helpful is “In Christ that strengthens me, I can do all things” – Phil 4:13. Another important verse for us has been Phil 4:4-7 – “Rejoice in the Lord always; I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace that passes all understanding will your guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

We also want to thank the James family for their delicious dinner that was dropped by last week. Words do not adequately express our heartfelt thanks to them and others who so graciously supply all of our needs.

Also, Happy Belated Birthday to Madeline Montel, a former Ky schoolmate of Jack’s. Thank you for your card and pictures of the celebration.

A verse that has provided us with great comfort is from Psalm 57:1-2 –
“Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.” Thinking about the shadow of our Lord’s wings and a finding a refuge there is such a great comfort at all times. But at all times, it is the only shelter to seek.

May the Lord bless all of you in the next days as I seek shelter under His wings.

Blessings,
Carolyn and family

Maria Degitz - OT student when Jack was at NE Rehab Hospital

2008-04-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

Maria was a student when Jack was at NE Rehab Hospital. I thought her comments about his impact on her was worth publishing. It is a wonderful example how the Lord can use us even in the most dire circumstances.
During her work with Jack, Maria and Jack were able to share their common bond of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. See below for her comments. Jack is clearly a wonderful teacher even in his weakness, by the grace of God.

Hello Carolyn,
I was glad to hear things were going well...it has now been a couple of months since I last emailed you. I continue to hope that Jack makes progress with his walking and transferring. I was wondering if you could give me another update. You and Jack and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I have some exciting things coming up...two more weeks of my last clinical, my graduation, and then off to Europe for a few weeks.
Through everything, I want you to tell Jack that I have not forgotten him and never well. He made a lasting impression that will last my whole life as I had a great learning experience with Jack as a student.I would love to give you my address:6725 Camino del PradoCarlsbad, CA. 92011
Peace & blessings,Maria
Maria J. DegitzMasters of Science
Occupational TherapyCalifornia State University, Dominguez Hills

Maria

2008-04-05T07:15:00.000-07:00

Email from a MIT colleague of Jack's - Linda Griffith

2008-04-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn,
I last wrote on Sept 3, when I was still very sedated and recovering from surgery I had on Aug 31. I had gone in that morning with a tentative diagnosis of ovarian cancer, and come home with the boring but welcome/annoying news it was recurrence of endometriosis (but extensive enough that I had to stay home much of the fall term, it is hard to bounce back when you get past 45...).This weekend was the first time I read the Howard family blog and learned the entire timeline, and that Aug 31 was such a fateful day for you and Jack.I cried through the whole blog. Doug and I have been thinking of you often and praying for you and Jack, and I wrote you a card this weekend, finally. What I am writing to say now is how vivid your voice comes through on the blog - an amazing indomitable force for faith in God. I had a tough fall/winter, absorbed in digging out of my own despairs. Finding your beautiful writings of hope and faith jolted me to another level of my connection to God. You are an amazing writer (and person).I am very happy to hear Jack is out at NanoC a bit, and hope to visit soon for just bit to bring some spring flowers or something out your way, even if it is when you are away recharging your batteries.
Affectionately yours,Linda-- Linda G. Griffith
S.E.T.I. Professor of Biological and Mechanical EngineeringDirector, Biotech/Pharma Engineering CenterMIT 16-42977 Massachusetts Ave.Cambridge, MA 02139617-253-0013fax 617-253-2400http://web.mit.edu/lgglab/index.html

I want to thank Linda and Doug for their faithful prayers for us. We also received a beautiful and encouraging card from Linda this week that expresses beautifully Jack's impact professionally and spiritually on her life.
As I have said to Jack, some people live as the Lord has enabled them to proclaim Him in their life's example and others proclaim it through words. By God's grace, our prayer is that as a team we have been gifted with both - as Jack has said, "I am the subject and you (Carolyn) are the voice". I can only thank our Lord and pray that He alone is exalted in our feeble ways. Our mighty God works in many and mysterious ways.

Carolyn

UPDATES March 28, 2008

2008-03-28T09:41:00.001-07:00

UPDATE
March 28, 2008

Jack has had a very good last 2 weeks. After all of the anxiety and depression issues that he was experiencing, one of the important factors that the doctors told us was that Jack had to begin integrating back into the living. They also started him on a very low dose antidepressant (10 mg) of celexa. He has been on that for 2 weeks and it has seemed to brighten his spirits.

As most of you know by now, by the grace of God, we are determined types. So when the doctors said Jack needed to get marching – remember, we are “in the army now”! We got marching. Jack has a completely new schedule. He has begun going to “Peoplefit”, the health club that we mentioned last time. He was assessed by the physical therapist, Pat, who specializes in neurophysiology. He feels strongly that he can get Jack to a four pronged cane versus his hemi-walker that he has now. The cane would be much less cumbersome. Jack has been 2 times this week. He really enjoys it. He is using equipment that attaches his weak leg and arm so that he can exercise that part of his body as well. One of the most important parts of this experience is that Jack is with other people, many of whom are not infirmed, but some who are in worse condition than he is. Perspective is so important for all of us.

The other exciting event for Jack these last 2 weeks is that he has gone to Nano-C for a few hours one day each of these 2 weeks. Jack needs to demonstrate to himself that he has more of a brain left than he realizes. As we have mentioned previously, he has indicated that he is not sure that he has much of his brain left. The doctors told him that he has all of his brain left and that he has the ability to use more of his brain than most of us ever try to use. Now he can demonstrate that fact.

As you know from the last update, he insisted on moving up the MRI scan and doctor’s visit. He was very convinced that he was declining. Yesterday, Jack had his MRI scan and today we had the doctor’s visit. We have good news thankfully. The Lord has answered our pleas. Jack’s scan looks improved over January. By improved, the jagged margins where the tumor was treated and removed are still the same, except smaller. The margins are also more defined meaning not so broadly lighted. The best way to describe what it looked like is to use a marker versus a pencil in outlining the edges. In January, the margins looked outlined with a broad marker. Today, it was a pencil line. Dr. Cosgrove said that he believes that he has necrosis (tissue death) still occurring. He said he would not say there is no tumor inside the space that we view but it is not known from the scans. Scans at best are not perfect images. However, if the tumor were actively growing, the size would not be decreasing. We are most thankful for the news. It brightened our day as we contemplated the mercy that the Lord continues to extend to us.

As all of you know by now that our hope and prayer is that our Lord will be magnified in this, that His will is accomplished, and that regardless of the journey that we are on that we are submitted happily to Him, who alone is worthy.

We have had other wonderful events happening as well. Last Saturday evening, we resumed our Bible study with our dear friends, Harry and Carolee Howell, with a phone call from our now England residing other couple, Mike and Jo Domenica. We have gone to our favorite Italian coffee shop, Café Dolce in Winchester. Tonight we are planning on going to see “21”, a movie based on a true story of MIT students who beat Las Vagas for a long time by traveling on weekends with lots of money from rich Boston folks.

The Lord willing, I am dropping out of work and family for week, for a battery recharge beginning April 7. My sister, Suzanne, is coming from NC to help keep Jack marching along with Annette and William and of course, Courtenay, Jonathan, and Megan.

We continue to covet your prayers. Pray especially that we can be as the Psalmist David when he wrote Psalm 46:10 – 11
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted on the earth. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”

Blessings,
Carolyn and family

UPDATES March 17, 2008

2008-03-17T04:56:00.000-07:00

UPDATE
March 17, 2008

Life has created a certain routine now that is somewhat predictable. Jack continues to be challenged with his lack of ability to move as he has been so used to for all of his life. One of our good engineering feats is to find ways to navigate that provides the greatest opportunity for Jack with the most safety.

One of the more acute recent changes has been that Jack has begun having a lot of apprehension as he calls it. I prefer to call it panic like attacks that can be very debilitating even for those with no other issues. Jack says that when I am around that they either do not exist or they are lessened. One of the charming and funny things he did this week was with his calendar. I got him a day by day calendar so that he can know each day and date. It also has a Bible verse on it to help him focus his mind. I encourage him to memorize these verses as a way to keep his mind active. Jack has always had a great ability for memorization. Last Tuesday, he decided he would remove all of the pages to Saturday/Sunday. He knows that I am around most of those two days and he decided to fast forward the week. We all chuckled at his creativity and strong ingenuity. Unfortunately, it didn’t work.

We visited three of his medical team this last week per Jack’s request. We saw his primary care Dr. Diamond as well as his neuro-oncologist, Dr. Alderson, and neuro-surgeon, Dr.Cosgrove. Everyone has agreed on several things. The most important one is that Jack needs to get out of the house more doing things of interest, even going to his company an afternoon a week for now and increasing it as he feels like it. We also are about to be discharged from physical therapy coming to the house, so creating an outpatient program will be important. There is a company near us called “PeopleFit” that is owned by 2 brothers who are physical therapists. They specialize in working with individuals who have incapacity in some regard. Thankfully, in Boston, we have wonderful transportation options for handicapped individuals. One is sponsored by public transportation called “The Ride”. Jack was approved for this service last fall. We schedule a pickup at both destinations, and they come with a chair car and deliver him where he wants to go. It allows for independence which is most important psychologically. Annette would go with him for any assistance he might need. The other things his oncology team decided to do was to give him an anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication to help his overall spirits. Some of the medications that he takes such as the steroids and anti-seizure medication can cause some of the anxiety. I also suspect that Jack is very sensitive to all of these drugs since he has never been one to take anything, not even an aspirin unless he was told to do it.

Jack’s next MRI scan is in mid-April. We are trying to reschedule this for an earlier time to satisfy Jack’s anxiety and questions that he has. As you can see, we are challenged at all levels. By the grace of our Lord, we are given the necessary grace each day as needed.

It would be very easy, given how difficult each task has become, to sit around and do nothing. This mode of operation is not part of what Jack and I have ever done so it is not what we are planning to do now, by God’s grace. On Saturday evening, Jack, Courtenay, and I went to our little local Italian coffee house. It was already evening, so with a porch light, Jack was able with assistance to get to the sidewalk. From there, we got him into his wheelchair and wheeled him to the car which he can get into with help. He later admitted that he would not have done this activity but that it was a very good one and was glad that we had the determination to make it happen. Needless to say, he slept very well.

The Lord certainly knows how to keep me distracted. Last Friday, a week ago, Bloomberg Finance, was in my office filming a special with a client of ours and myself on “Managing a Financial Windfall”. I was the feature Financial Planner. It will be aired sometime this Spring on cable channels, in 750,000 hotels around the country, and assorted other places as an “On Demand” program. So the “reality TV” thing keeps happening. My company was recently named as one of Boston’s Top 10 investment advisors among women owned companies here as well. We are always thankful for the press since our hope is that it may bring hope and value to someone that may need it. Also, Jonathan edited a History Channel program called “Journey to 10,000 BC” that was aired on March 9, 2008. Megan was one of the actors in it. Jonathan is now working on a program series for the History Channel about battles of the Old Testament. I will keep you posted when that will be aired. Given the scope of the project, I will guess it will be aired late this year or early next year. It is an eight part series.

Our wonderful friends and neighbors continue to bring us wonderful food and comfort. Our neighbors, Mary and J.P. Barger and our dear friends, Judy and Josh Morris brought us food in the last two weeks. Another dear MIT friend, Jane Cohen, brought us a delicious dinner last Friday. Just when I think I cannot think anymore about what to cook, the Lord provides us with these delicious meals. Our dear German friend, Benno Wersborg, came through Boston on Saturday and had lunch with us. It is always such a pleasure to see him. You may recall, he was Jack’s first PhD student. We also want to thank Prof. Bob Dibble, from ME UC Berkeley and Prof. Greg Macrae, from MIT for their recent emails and blog comments.

I have included in this blog, a story from one of Jack’s cousins about Jack’s growing up years. Here it is:
I visited with mom yesterday and she wants to send her a card. Evans was also there. Tell Jack that Evans had just been to Joe Billy Bowman's to get his hair cut. They were both recalling - and laughing about how our families did not allow us to have comic books but Hugh and Opal did....so everyone loved coming to their house and "slipping upstairs" to read their comics.....those comics were probably the inspiration of Jack's great intelligence - and the creativity that Jonathan now has! (Just think of the value of those books if anyone still had them!!)Rosalie (Jack’s 1st cousin on his Dad’s side)
“Her” refers to Jack’s Mom, Opal, who will be 96 on March 18. She is in remarkably good physical condition but not strong mentally anymore for memory issues. She does not know about Jack. If we told her, she has no capacity to remember it so we have decided she will not know about him.
Evans, is Rosalie’s brother and Joe Billy Bowman is another cousin. You can tell they had a good time remembering childhood.

As the journey continues, we cling to the verse in Isaiah 58:11 which says:
“The Lord will guide you continually….and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail.” Regardless of our weaknesses and failings, we are trusting with great confidence in Him, that our Lord never fails. We rest in the shadow of His wings.
Blessings,
Carolyn

UPDATE March 2, 2008

2008-03-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
March 2, 2008

Our life is becoming more normalized with a routine. Jack has stabilized and has continued to gain endurance and strength. He has has a long way to go in the healing process but each day brings a little more hope. It has been sooooo good to have him home. We see each other and interact more often since he is in the mainstream of our daily lives.

Our week begins on Sunday when the children and I take over as caregivers since Annette actually takes a day off which she is entitled to take. It is very pleasant to have the house to ourselves and enjoy a quiet day somewhat like it used to be – even though life will never be like before. William who comes on at 11:30 PM when Annette and I are well into sleep, has not taken a night off since he started, thank goodness. It occurred to us the other night that we have been blessed with these other cultures in our lives in the most remarkable way. To give you an insight into how our amazing Lord provides for us, I will let you know how Annette and William have become part of our Christian armor.
Last Sunday I went to church prior to Annette leaving us for her day off. She chose to stay longer that morning so I could go to church. She pointed out to me how important it was for me to sit under the Word of God. She is certainly preaching to the choir here but it was such an encouragement that she was sacrificing for my benefit.

The other days of the week are comprised of me working each day, coming home preparing dinner (some nights) with Annette making a deal with me that if I cook, then she will clean the kitchen. I will make that deal every day. Thankfully, our daughter, Courtenay, does one meal/week; our daughter-in-law, Megan, does a meal/week, a neighbor, Judy Morris, provides dinner each Thursday evening, and occasionally someone else calls with soup or a meal. It is a great comfort to know that Jack is cared for, that we are provided for, and that we can have a routine. We are most thankful for these abundant blessings.

Recently, Jack was thanking William for helping him have such a good night’s sleep. William quickly pointed out that Jack needed to thank the good Lord for that because it was only the Lord that provides that to us. Jack began to weep. “The Lord knows our frame and earnestly remembers that we are dust.” Ps 103:14. These lovely people make me also think of Proverbs 25:25 – “As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country”. As believers, it is an awesome thing to see what work the Lord has done in bringing Annette and William from a far country to care for us during our time of need.
We are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses even in our care providers.

Jack’s physical therapist has used our outside entrance to help Jack gain confidence in using steps. Our main entrance steps are not very high and they are also very deep coupled with rails on each side for him to hold as he descends and ascends. His physical therapist told him in going to down to use his weak leg followed by his strong leg and the reverse in going up. Going up is so much easier for him. Going down the stairs is much more challenging and dangerous. He and I tackled 3 steps inside the house today. Coming down the 3 steps was so difficult in navigating that I had him sit down and come down one step on his bottom before he could stand up using his walker. It is much safer. One of Jack’s goals is to do these stairs in the same way that he was prior to all of the setbacks he has had.

When we did the stairs outside, he then walked down the sidewalk to the street walk and walked to our driveway. I had the wheelchair behind him in the event he became tired. He is always thinking about conserving energy (now you know why he has been such an energy guru). After we got to the driveway, he decided he better ride back to the steps so he would have enough energy to get up the stairs. This gives you some idea as to how far he has to go before he regains his strength.

Some of the other encouraging signs of improvement have been his desire to read and write again. He has certainly been more alert since he began the radiation antedote. We are so thankful that all of our strength is not measured in our human strength. Jack and I both would be on our faces during this great challenge. One of the empowering things that we need constant reminders of is from Psalm 18:30-36.
“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless.
He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him.
For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.
You broaden the path beneath me, so that ankles do not turn.”

We are so cognizant of so many aspects of our Lord’s provision. The experience to witness the Lord’s hand so close to us in all aspects of this illness has been one of the truly amazing joys in the midst of the human sorrow in watching one of us so disabled physically.

We so appreciate the calls. When I do not update the blog, people start calling wondering what is going on. We received one of those calls yesterday from one of Jack’s former colleagues at MIT and Nano-C, Tony Modestino who is wintering in Florida with his lovely wife, Sherry. Tony, thank you for that call. It warmed our hearts as it always does with the cards, letters, and emails that we also continue to receive from so many of you.

We hope with March bringing longer days and Spring, at least on the calendar, that we will be renewed in our care for each other.

Love,
Carolyn and family

Email from a dear brother in Christ who is part of our Bible Study

2008-02-18T18:56:00.000-08:00

From Mike Domenica who is part of our small group Bible Study
I so appreciated his words of encouragement that I decided to post it on the blog.
Mike and his dear wife are in the process of moving to London for 3 years for his work. He called yesterday to check on Jack and me. This email was a response to our call.
Safe travels and haven in London Mike and Jo.
love,
Jack and Carolyn

Carolyn, After we talked yesterday, I was sorry to have to leave. I know the burden on you is heavy. It gets heavier as the months wear on after the initial shock and the initial flight to the Lord provides the support we need. But he knows the purposes and end. I thought about Jack and you most of the night. I kept thinking about Matthew 11:28, "Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me for I am meek and lowly and will give rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Your burden is heavy, but he will take all you cannot carry and it will become light. I know you and it is hard to let go of burdens. You're like me....a doer...nothing is too heavy. But he shows us the weight of the world for our good so that we will turn to him with abandon, leave it to him.
You know one of my/our favorite hymns:
"How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord, is laid for your faith in his excellent word.What more can he say than to you he hath said; to you who to Jesus for refuge have fled.
Fear not I am with thee, O be not dismayed, for I am thy God and will still give thee aid; I'll strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand, upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand;
When through the deep waters I call thee to go, the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;For I will be near thee thy troubles to bless, and sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose, I will not, I will not desert to his foes;That soul, that all hell shall endeavor to shake, I'll never, no never, no never forsake."
I'll be praying for you all day today.
In Him,
Mike

UPDATE February 17, 2008

2008-02-17T15:48:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
Februrary 17, 2008

“We are in the army now;
We are in the army now;
Not behind the plow;
You never get rich,
Digging a ditch;
We are in the army now”.

Jack is home now with an army of people caring for him and us. He arrived safely home on Wednesday, February 6. We converted our downstairs family room into a bedroom since we have a bathroom attached to this room. Jonathan and Megan were in charge of the hospital bed delivery and moving the furniture out of that room. Jack’s room now consist of the hospital bed; a recliner that tilts up as needed to boost him to his walker as well as help elevate his legs when he is not walking, and a bedside table.

The first night home brought flash backs of bringing newborn babies home from the hospital. Since Jack has grown accustomed to nurses, aides, and anyone else available at his beck and call, he thought Annette and I should also be as accessible. Annette has settled in very nicely living with us and caring for Jack during the normal day hours. She is allowed to get up and help him briefly during the night but after a few nights of the two of us taking turns, I decided we had to get a night nurse for Jack so we could sleep. Jack would likely be the last one around with the two of us collapsing from exhaustion!

You may remember that Jack was very fond of William at the last rehab facility. William works at another rehab full time from 3:00-11:00 PM five days a week. He arrives around 11:30 PM. He gives Jack a massage and bed bath, tucks him in and cares for Jack as needed during the night. William’s comment to us when I told him how much we appreciated his care for Jack, he immediately replied – “Mr. Jack is my friend, I am very happy to be helping him.” So are we. We feel enormously blessed to have Annette and William caring for Jack. Each night, I go to my bedroom, close the door and go to sleep with no worries as does Annette. The Lord has so graciously provided so abundantly for our needs. Jack is beginning to feel relaxed and comfortable trusting that his needs are provided for.

The other part of the army is made up of visiting nurses, physical therapists, occupational therapists, and others as needed. Thankfully, all of these people are here to help. For the most part, I am at work when the soldiers are marching through Jack’s days.

It has taken Jack over a week to adjust to a very different life than he had in rehab and the hospital. It is a big one for all of us but we feel confident that he is so much better off with us since it creates a more normal environment than going to all of these different facilities. We also have more contact with him and we know he is getting better food.

On Friday February 8th, we looked like Reality TV on steroids. I do not work in my office on Fridays, so I had gone to the health club to workout. I arrived home around noon to meet the visiting nurse and discuss Jack’s care plan. Shortly after her arrival, the physical therapist arrived along with the occupational therapist. While the door was revolving with these people, the plumber arrived to install a new high-line toilet in the bathroom used by Jack as well as the woman who provides Jack’s care givers. While all of this activity was occurring, I received a call from my office manager saying that I had been contacted by one of the major local television stations wanting to interview me for the evening news. The interview was in regard to how to spend the money that some of us are getting from the Bush stimulus package. I agreed to do the interview, immediately changed clothes. I arrived in my office where my office manager was having a heart attack because she had dressed in sweats for the day. She asked her daughter to quickly bring a change of clothes for her; her daughter had a minor car accident on the way to the office. I told you it was reality TV on steroids – I am not finished yet! I completed the interview, left the office, and picked up a friend at the train station who was arriving from Vermont. I brought her to the house to visit with us and then took her to her hotel. While I was taking her to her hotel, Jack thought he could walk to the kitchen without telling anyone and he fell. Thankfully, he was not hurt but he did scrape his elbow and knee slightly. We are hoping he has learned that he cannot do these things anymore. We all slept very well after this crazy day.

The weekend was uneventful. At this point, we had not brought William on for the night shift. Jack awoke on Sunday evening announcing at 1:00 AM that he wanted his breakfast. I think his greatest fear is missing breakfast. It must go back to the days on the farm when a “day’s” work was completed before breakfast was eaten. He still talks about how he would feel faint by the time he got to eat. Annette cooked his breakfast while I tried to convince him it was the middle of the night. It was after this event, that I decided I was going to end up in a worse condition that Jack.

Jack has seemed and even has expressed his apprehension for the days ahead. Courtenay very beautifully told him “Dad, we cannot think about the days ahead, we need to enjoy and find joy in today.” He told her that he knew it but that it was hard when he is in the house all the time with very little to do.

There is so much that goes on each week but one of the things I continue to do is look at what some of our options might be. I met last week with a Dr. Belanger from Lexington, MA who is a Naturapathic Doctor. These people work with MDs but take a more natural approach. Dr. Belanger has specialized in working with cancer patients and brain cancer patients in particular. If any of you is interested in learning more about his work, his website is http://www.lexingtonnaturalhealth.com/. Dr. Belanger has had much success with brain cancer patients. We consulted our Vermont Dr. friend about his work. Our Dr. friend from Vermont, Lynne, has been involved in creating some of Jack’s supplements that we believe helped throughout his traditional treatment. If you are interested in her work which is a nutritional approach, her website is http://www.healthequations.com/. All of these options provide similar things that the Lahey Clinic team is suggesting except the supplements are natural with no side effects compared with the more standard pharmaceutical ones that can have devastating side effects. Stay tuned as this great group of people create a plan of medical care for Jack. I told him we may not beat this disease, but by God’s grace, we will go down fighting. We believe that we have a dream team of professionals interested in Jack’s care as well as the family’s wellbeing.

One of the observations that Lynne made when she saw Jack last week was that she felt that he had been over-radiated in the fall. She described him as looking like he had come out of a war zone. Jack had an appointment on Friday, February 15, 2008 with his neuro-oncologist, Dr. Alderson. We raised all of the questions that we had. We were very satisfied with the answers. The team at Lahey Clinic does not believe that Jack has cancer growing currently. They also admitted that 5% of patients are highly sensitive to the initial treatment and that Jack was in that group (MA General Hospital was responsible for the radiation and chemotherapy). Dr. Alderson did say that patients that have Jack’s level of sensitivity usually have better outcomes from the treatment. We discussed the alternative treatment plans that we have been exploring. Dr. Alderson was familiar with some of this work. He supports whatever we choose to do as does Jack’s primary care physician, Dr. Diamond at MIT. Jack began to cry at the appointment. He said he was so happy that everyone was on the same page. Everyone agrees that Jack is in a healing phase and should do whatever he feels like doing. Dr. Alderson does not want to see him again for an appointment until mid April. Jack said that it was the best appointment that we have had to date. Jack has a day by day calendar with Bible verses. The Friday, February 15 quote from I Chronicles 17:20 best expresses our joy –
“O Lord, there is none like thee, neither is there any God beside thee, according to all that we have heard with our ears.”

Our lovely neighbors, the Morris’s brought us a Valentine Day’s dinner. We continue to receive wonderful contacts in all forms from our friends, family, and colleagues. We need all of you to stand on either side of us and continue to hold us up through this breath-taking journey. We pray that the Lord will bless you in the coming days as we wait patiently on our Lord’s direction and Jack’s healing.

Today is my sister's birthday, Happy Birthday Suzanne.

Also, in case you are wondering what I suggested for the extra checks some of us will receive, I said:
1. If you don't need the money, give it to your favorite qualified charity and receive a tax deduction.
2. If you don't need it but are short on retirement savings, save it in a retirement account and save on taxes.
3. Create a "rainy day" fund if you do not have one.
4. Pay down credit card or other debt.
5. Purchase a necessity that you could not afford.

Be thankful for all of our gifts.

Love,
Carolyn and family

UPDATE February 6, 2008

2008-02-06T05:04:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
February 6, 2008

We are most joyful today. The Lord works in wonderful and mysterious ways. All of you know that our hope and prayer has been that Jack might become strong enough to come home. He hasn’t been home since November 14, 2007 due to all of the issues that have been previously described. We had been contemplating his homecoming. He has made an amazing rebound in his walking with assistance as well as his endurance since he was discharged last week from Lahey Clinic.

As you know, we face many challenges. We never know from where they will come. The challenge this week was in Lexington Healthcare Center, the rehabilitation facility where Jack has been off and on since December. The Center had a sewage pipe break in Jack’s wing. All residents had to be transferred to another part of the Center. There are public health rules that have to be followed in an environment like this one. Jack had been in a private room. When he was transferred, he was put in a room with another lovely man, Sal. There is one problem with Sal, he is being treated for pneumonia. We have been assured that he is not contagious. Also, Jack has had the pneumonia vaccine. None the less, there is much coughing.

We were advised yesterday that if the pipe break was not resolved by today that the residents who had been in Jack’s wing would be transferred to another facility. The children and I went into high gear. I cancelled appointments at work. Jonathan has this week off from work – another amazing, gracious, and providential work of our Lord. Unless there is a glitch in hospital bed delivery as well as the other equipment that will be delivered today, Jack may sleep at home tonight. We are most thankful that he is able to come home as well as the providence of the Lord in that sewage pipe speeding up the process.

Last evening, we visited many of our friends that we have made in the Center. Remember Ann. When we told her Jack was leaving, she immediately wanted to know if we were having a party. I told her that we would celebrate at home with her there in spirit. It is very touching to see Jack’s emotional side as he tearfully squeezed Ann’s hand in a goodbye. We promised to stay in touch with her by phone and cards. Jack then wanted to walk to the nurse’s station and hug the nurses who have so faithfully cared for him in all ways. He has told everyone that the hard part of leaving was saying goodbye to those who have so graciously cared for him. We are thankful for the many caregivers who have such hard work at very low pay with little gratitude. We encourage all of you as well as us to remember to pray for these faithful hands wherever they may be.

Jack’s personal nurse’s assistant, Rita, decided to go back to school to study mechanical engineering at Northeastern (we wish her much success – Jack told her he would be happy to tutor her if she needed any help). The agency that provides our services has found another wonderful lady, Annette, another providential care of our Lord. Annette is able to live with us which will provide excellent continuity for us. We will have to give her time off each week but we hope to use another excellent care provider that we met at the Center. I connected William and the agency and he passed all of the reviews. Another important thing that I have learned in this journey is that if anyone ever needs care, it is important to work through an approved agency. If there are issues with the provider, the agency handles them. If you need replacements, they do the work. They have thoroughly examined backgrounds and credentials for these individuals.

As we celebrate our prayers as well as the legions of prayers going up around the world for us and Jack being answered, it brings to mind the hymn, “A Mighty Fortress is our God”. This hymn was penned using Psalm 46 as the inspiration. I will quote from several of the verses.
Vs. 1 – “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.
Vs. 2 - Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
Vs. 3 - though the waters roar and foam (literally this week) and the mountains quake with their surging,
Vs. 4 – There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the most High dwells.
Vs. 7 – The Lord Almighy is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Vs.10 – Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.
Vs.11 – The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
By God’s wonderful and marvelous grace, we can proclaim this Psalm.

Stay tuned as our Jack returns home. We are encouraged and excited for him and us.
Please continue to pray for us as the Lord leads.

Blessings,
Carolyn and family

UPDATE February 3, 2008

2008-02-03T11:57:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
February 3, 2008

Today is the first Sunday in February. We have much to rejoice over this week. First and foremost, Jack was finally calibrated to therapeutic levels of anticoagulates, namely cumadin. As Jonathan refers to the medical language, anitcoagulates is 6 figure speak for blood thinners. Jack was in Lahey Clinic for 12 days. Each day we were hopeful for the discharge date but his blood thinner levels known as INR would drop. Therapeutic levels are between 2.0 and 3.0. His INR would rise only to fall again. So we struggled patiently with the rise and fall of the blood levels. He was discharged on Tuesday, January 29th from Lahey Clinic to Lexington Healthcare Center where he had been before.

While he had been at Lahey Clinic, Jack was struggling with the fallout of the stomach flu coupled with the blood clot issue. He was not allowed out of bed the first week. By this time, he was so weak again that it took extraordinary measures to transition him to a chair beside his bed. It was certainly discouraging for all of us, especially Jack.

When Jack arrived back at Lexington Healthcare Center (they had held his room for 12 days), we were greeted with warm hugs and many warm welcomes from the staff and patients. We have been so supported in this facility that it felt like going home. Jack’s first day there was as expected. He was having difficulty transferring from his bed to anywhere. On Thursday, I went to visit him as I do everyday, he was easily transferring from bed to walker to chair to wheelchair with very little assistance. He always needs someone near him due to his lack of balance. We were so excited by this amazing progress. Yesterday (Saturday), I arrived after Jack was already in the dining room at dinner. He had walked with his walker with someone by his side from his room to his dining room and back at the end of the meal. His progress is faster than before. I must add this event is more evidence of answered prayer. He also is working on doing stairs which is very important since we have stairs everywhere in our home. We celebrate each accomplishment. One of the many blessings throughout this journey is Jack’s bright and capable cognitive function is intact. Talking is labored due to having only half of his facial muscles working for word production. He is learning to compensate for this incapacity. I have teased him and told him that he has never liked to talk much and now he actually has a legitimate excuse.

I again have had another round of severe problems with my right hand. Last Sunday evening I did not sleep. The pain level in my right hand and wrist was 15 on a scale of 1 to 10. I finally went to the Dr. on Monday morning who sent me to an orthopedist Monday afternoon. I have carpal tunnel tendonitis. I was given a shot of novocain and cortisone to reduce pain and inflammation. I was also given an arm brace and exercises to do 3 times per day. Thankfully, it has all helped. I am allergic to all non steroid anti-inflammatory medications so they have to resort to the steroid drugs. Jack wears a brace at night for support on his left paralyzed arm. When I came in with my right hand in a brace, he immediately accused me of being competitive with him. I told him, at least, that it was my right side and not my left and that the last time I checked two halves make a whole. We must keep laughing!

For those of you that have asked about Jack getting to read any of the comments and postings, I print them for him to read. I usually read them aloud to him and we laugh and cry at the many memories, many wonderful comments, and letters from our dear, dear friends from near and far, old and new. We are truly blessed by the internet and how the Lord has advanced technology in such ways that it keeps us all connected in so many ways. I think the way we are most connected as our dear friend Judy Ericson so beautifully stated, is through our prayers.

Jack was being very assertive last evening. Keep in mind that Jack’s left side is extremely weak and at the arm, hand, and shoulder level, he is completely paralyzed. His left leg and foot have strength but not a lot of flexibility. When he is walking with a left leg brace and his hemi-walker (a half walker with 4 feet), he can get pretty far as I have mentioned. I was leaving last night when the nurse started yelling for me. She wanted to know why I had left him in the bathroom unattended. I told her that I had left him in his chair. He is never to go anywhere unassisted due to the high risk of falling. I went back to his room and told him he got caught. I knew this was coming eventually because one of his goals is to get from A to B without anyone around. He wants his walker near him at night in the event the building catches on fire. Jack, the “master of the flame” in his research has never stopped thinking about fire even in his condition for any of you that were worried! So for those of you who remember Jack in his growing up years and fondly remember all of the mischief he got in, you should not be surprised at this adverse activity. Hopefully, Jack will not try this again given the potential consequences. You can take the boy off the farm but you cannot take the farm out of the boy. Farm boys are too self sufficient, especially this one.

We received a card this week from clients of mine that beautifully expresses our journey
“Just as a quilt comes together by many loving hands, there are times when we are held together by many loving hearts.” As all of you hold as close at heart, we too hold you close at heart. It reminds me of Psalm 91 which we have been reminded of by our pastor as well as dear friends, David and Linda Howard (no relation, a former college roommate of Jack's) in South Carolina:
Psalm 91:1, 2, 11
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all His ways.

Thank you for your continued love, hope, concern, and support throughout this journey with your many letters, cards, calls, and emails. We are most grateful that all of you are part of our lives.

Blessings,
Carolyn and family

UPDATE January 27, 2008

2008-01-27T19:14:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
January 27, 2008

We are patiently waiting on the Lord these days. Jack remains at Lahey Clinic where they are trying to regulate his blood levels with the blood thinner. According to the Dr., it takes several days to get therapeutic levels of the blood thinner in his system. They are hopeful that he will be discharged by Tuesday. We too are hopeful. We are hoping that after 2-3 weeks back at rehab for endurance and strength training that we will be able to bring him home. As you know, it is our ongoing hope.

Some good things that have happened, the swelling in his leg and foot have completely abated. His leg brace now looks like it was made for someone else. The good news on the brace is that it is easily adjusted by the orthodic and brace specialist. On a side note, we have met and learned to appreciate some of the neatest people in this journey. These are people who love people and love helping people. We love them for helping others and us. Jack also has recovered from the stomach flu that we all have had, and is regaining some of the strength he has lost, as are we.

We now have a new nurse assistant for Jack. Her name is Rita. She is from Uganda and has been here for 5 years. She is very lovely and to quote Jack, “she is very easy to be around”. Elizabeth could no longer work with us.

It is very difficult to watch someone you love so much suffer as Jack is suffering. He is in no pain other than the struggle to move and function with basic body skills. He needs help with everything. We are thankful that his mind is still very strong. We are thankful that he has no pain. We are thankful that we still have each other and our families. The Lord is truly merciful and gracious in more ways that we can express. We are most thankful that the Lord has blessed us with the knowledge of Himself. As Isaiah stated in 41:10 – “Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.” We are truly God’s servants being upheld by His victorious right hand. This experience is not for the faint of heart such as we are, so we can only give our Lord all of the credit for all that he is doing in our lives.

For those of you have been following Frank and Ann from the rehab center. Frank wrote us a letter letting us know that he is adjusting to being home and is enjoying it. I saw Ann at the rehab last week when I stopped by to pick up some things for Jack. She gave me a big hug and wanted to know how Jack was doing. I am so impressed with Lexington Healthcare Center. They have held Jack’s room. They have called to see how we are doing. They were so excited to see me when I stopped in last week. What a joy to make a small difference in someone’s life. I pray that each of us will continue to embrace each other and those around us as our lives teach us so many lessons.
Blessings,
Carolyn

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008 AND UPDATES

2008-01-21T08:42:00.000-08:00

January 21, 2008

Jack is back in the hospital with another blood clot after he was attacked by a stomach flu. We have all had a version of this latest beast. It grounded me which is not surprising since I was running on overdrive and way past a reserve of any kind. This clot seems to be worse since they are not letting him out of bed for anything. I have been so sick that I have not gotten out to even see him. He is learning now that he can advocate for himself.

Yesterday, he declared to the nurse that he was becoming hearing impaired due to the decibel level of the IV alarm going off. She challenged him about decibels - wrong thing to do!!! He then informed her that he had been the safety officer in Chemical Engineering at MIT. She will likely not forget about decibels. Don't lose hope, Jack has not lost his cognition, thankfully.

I have attached our NEW YEAR 2008 letter that we have mailed to some who do not know of our circumstances but for those of you that have followed our events, we wish you the same blessings. The picture is not attached however to the blog because I haven't figured out how to do that yet!

Happy New Year Letter
Hello to all of our Friends:

This letter is way overdue but our lives have been very chaotic as you can read below. I want to begin by quoting from Psalm 90:12 – “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.” The Lord has made this verse very evident to us this year.

We have had a breathtaking year that eclipses all other events in our lives. On August 22, Jack was diagnosed with grade 4 multiforme glioblastoma (the most aggressive form of brain cancer). The prognosis is bleak. Jack is currently in and out of hospitals and rehabilitation environments. He is essentially paralyzed on his left side. He has gone through radiation and chemotherapy. Initially, we were told the tumor was inoperable due to its location. It was on the right frontal lobe. It was the size of a racket ball (golf ball size). It affects motor function on the left side of his body. Jack has no function of his left arm and hand. He has difficulty talking due to the weakness in the left side of his face. Word production is difficult with only one side of your face muscles working. He can walk with assistance with a leg brace, a walker, and with someone by his side for balance. As you can begin to imagine, our lives our forever changed.

We have hit a number of “potholes”. Jack had a seizure and was hospitalized on November 14. After hospitalization, he was transferred to an acute rehabilitation hospital. After 10 days there, he developed 2 blood clots behind his left knee and in right groin. He had vascular surgery to place a filter in his groin to prevent clot migration. He is now on daily blood-thinner. Two days after that surgery, the doctors decided that they must remove the tumor and necrotic tissue in order to relieve pressure and reduce the amount of steroids he was taking. The tumor appeared to have progressed coupled with a large amount of dead tissue. When they removed his tumor, it was dead. This tumor type has tentacles so the doctors have told us it will return but so far there is no evidence of this happening. Three weeks out from surgery, he developed pneumonia and a sudden, acute drop in his sodium level. From what we were told, sodium levels are problematic with brain cancer patients. He spent Christmas in the hospital. He was returned to rehab where he had been making great endurance strides. Last week after he developed the stomach flu, his left leg began to swell again. He went back to the hospital where they discovered he has another blood clot. This one is worse. He is on an anti-coagulate via IV and he is not allowed out of bed even for the bathroom. We have been informed that brain cancer patients are also prone to blood clots as well. He will likely go back to rehab but we are hoping that he can soon return home with 24/7 care. He has not been home since November 14.

By the grace of God, his spirits are amazing. His ability for cognition is also amazing. Where the cancer is/was located does not affect reasoning, problem solving, and personality. We are most thankful for these blessings. The journey has been challenging and we are certain it will continue to be. We are most thankful that the Lord sustains moment by moment. Jack’s comment was “many people do not have the opportunity to have this much majesty and beauty in their lives. I feel very content; my cup runs over.” Our friends, family, colleagues, and neighbors have been caring, encouraging, comforting, and there for us. We have truly been embraced during this time of sorrow and joy.

Courtenay, Jonathan, and Megan are nearby now. Jonathan and Megan left friends, family, and jobs to return to Boston to support us through this experience. They bought a condo in Somerville and are six miles from us. They have all been amazing and an enormous blessing and encouragement to us. I continue to work with the help of fabulous office staff. Jack consults with his CEO of his company when he is needed. In the face of these events, life continues.

We trust that each of you will have a blessed 2008. We have no idea what tomorrow holds, we are confident that our Lord holds tomorrow. If you want to follow the Howard events, we have kept a website since the very beginning if you desire the details of our lives. It is http://howardupdates.blogspot.com. The picture enclosed was taken at Thanksgiving outside one of the rehabilitation hospital where Jack has been since his surgeries.

“May the Lord bless and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26.

Love and Happy New Year,
Carolyn, Jack, and family

UPDATE January 15, 2008

2008-01-15T18:54:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
JANUARY 14, 2008

We had about 8 inches of new snow today. Early January had spoiled us with warmer temperatures and much melting of the December snows. So far this winter, we have had 35 inches of the white stuff. Our daughter-in-law hasn’t had enough yet, thankfully.

Jack has continued to improve. His walking endurance has been improving slowly. Today he actually had some work on stairs. He has not done any stairs since November 14. Since our house has stairs everywhere, it is very desirable to work on stairs. He has a very long journey before he gets back to where he was on November 14. He is so determined that with much hard work, he will give it his best try.

Jack had his MRI scan on Friday. He commented that it was the worst one yet to the point that he thinks that when he has the next one that he may need some medication.
If you have never had one, it is a daunting experience. Jack has a dye injected into his vein so that any tumor, inflammation, or swelling will light up in his brain. He is then placed on and strapped down on a board. He is then pushed into a tube like tunnel. It is very important not to move in the process. It takes about 45 minutes. Once the machine is turned on, it sounds like a jack hammer that breaks up road pavement. If a person has claustrophobia, they are in serious trouble. If you don’t have claustrophobia, you probably will after these test especially if it is part of a routine.

The test results looked worse than the one after surgery. It showed more swelling and more tissue death. We had been warned early on by the radiologist that his MRI scans would look worse for several months. She said that it takes about a year for the brain to heal from the radiation. The good news is that they do not see any mass growth. The other good news we got was that the chemotherapy test on the “live” tissue from Oncotech in CA and it showed no live cancer cells at all. That information does not mean that there are none left in the brain but not to find any in the sample is remarkable and encouraging. The doctors recommended that he consider using an angiogenesis drug for 3 cycles – 1 treatment every 2 weeks for 6 weeks. This drug is known to cut off the blood supply to any tumor cells that may remain. Jack has agreed to do this treatment.

I had intended to post this latest update last evening but I developed acute tendonitis in my right hand and could not move my fingers. After doing my home remedies and going to a neuromuscular massage therapist today, my hand is red, swollen, and sore but I do have mobility. One of the problems that I continue to have other than fatigue is foot and hand pain. I am convinced it is the marathon I am running with very little rest that is causing these issues which are new for me. It makes me think of a saying my grandfather had – “the pain he thought was going to be fatal yesterday had been replaced by a new one today”!!! Do I ever understand that saying! Getting old is not for sissies! I fully hope that my hand will be much better tomorrow.

On a Jack note, you may remember that Jack was keeping a detailed journal of this experience. Since he was first admitted to the hospital, the copious notes had stopped. This evening when I went to see him, he had written four pages of things he wanted to ask the doctor, me, as well as observations about events of the day. I was so encouraged since he has shown no interest in writing or reading anything for weeks now, especially since his brain surgery. I have been reading to him and he enjoys that activity but he hasn’t wanted to do it himself. He is getting stronger daily. The road ahead is uncertain, the road behind us has been challenging. Our hope and desire is to glorify our Lord throughout this experience. It makes me think of a verse in I Peter 4:12. “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you.” I Peter 1:7 – “That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perishes, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.” The question arises how can we glorify God in the midst of fiery trials? (This is copied from a pastor’s bulletin. I thought it worth sharing in a condensed form.)
By acknowledging His providence in all things. Nothing happens by chance. The purpose of the Lord is at work in all of our trials.
We glorify God in the midst of fiery trials by acknowledging his wisdom in all He does.
We glorify God in the midst of fiery trials by acknowledging all He brings to pass is for our benefit.
We glorify God in the midst of fiery trials by acknowledging His power to sustain us while passing through the fire.
We glorify God in the midst of fiery trials by trusting Him at all times. From Isaiah 12:2 – “Behold, God is my salvation: I will trust and not be afraid.”
The Lord continues to sustain us and bless us in the midst of this fiery trial.

One of the many blessings that we are experiencing is enjoying the other patients at the rehab facility. You may remember Frank. Last week Frank graduated from rehab to home successfully. We had a party. Since most residents are on a special diet, I could not bring food for anyone (I did bring Frank and Jack ice cream since they are not on a special diet.) I got Frank a purple and green sponge like crown for him to wear as well as 3 helium star balloons to tie on his wheel chair. Ann, another resident, who has a very flat affect in her voice intonation, suggested we needed to sing a song. I asked her if she could sing – she said only Happy Birthday. So I suggested we use the tune of Happy Birthday and change it to Happy Graduation Day. Everyone joined in. We had a great time. We called to make sure Frank had successfully gotten home and he had. On another note, Ann announced this evening that she is graduating on Thursday and then proceeded to inquire as to what we were going to do on Wednesday. As you can see, we have a very good time under these circumstances. My hope is that when I am sitting in one of these seats of these infirmed people someday that someone will come and brighten my day.

On Saturday, I leave for LA to attend a one day meeting and rest for 3 days. Hopefully, I can recharge my batteries which need replacing at the moment. The children are in charge. They are doing a great job at helping. Courtenay spent Saturday afternoon with Jack and took in a card game to play which I thought was a great idea. Other residents joined in. Jonathan and Megan and Tibit come when they can and make us laugh.

Tibit is a 3.5 pound daucsand/poodle mix who is black and curly like a poodle with a little body and tail like a daucsand. She is fun, funny, and cuddly. I am most happy to dog sit. She makes us laugh and she already knows she is loved. If you want to see pictures, you can visit Jonathan’s website at www.apelike.net/3000-mi.

Jack’s sister, Myra, sent the following to me that I think is also worth sharing.

WHAT CANCER CANNOT DO

Cancer cannot cripple love.

Cancer cannot shatter hope.

Cancer cannot corrode faith.

Cancer cannot destroy peace.

Cancer cannot kill friendships.

Cancer cannot suppress memories.

Cancer cannot silence courage.

Cancer cannot invade the soul.

Cancer cannot steal eternal life.

Cancer cannot conquer the spirit.

Thank you to all who call and visit. Knowing so many care so much is very appreciated.

Blessings,
Carolyn

UPDATE January 6, 2008

2008-01-06T18:26:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
January 6, 2007

We have begun the new year with Jack’s successful transfer to Lexington Healthcare Center at 178 Lowell St. in Lexington. He was successfully discharged from Lahey Clinic on December 27. He was placed in a private room immediately. One of the things that I have learned in this experience is that medical care has so many layers affiliated with it. One of these layers is the case manager role. It is a role that I would not want. So far I have not found one that really takes responsibility. I could write a book on these people. Here is a classic example of our experiences. Jack was to be discharged from Lahey Clinic on December 26, 2007. I was advised to get to Lahey as soon as possible for this event. I arrived. I notified the nurses, called the case manager, and waited patiently – remember that it was urgent that I get there. Two hours lapsed and finally the case manager showed up to say they were trying to find a place for Jack. Jack refused to return to Winchester. The Lexington Healthcare Center was on our short list prior to our 18 hour stay in Winchester. I decided to go visit it. Prior to my leaving, I had told the case manager that I wanted a private room for Jack. She informed me that Medicare does not pay for private rooms and that we would have to pay the difference. I told her no problem. I go visit the Center, I asked the admissions coordinator about the cost differential for a private room. She said there is none at their facility apparently because they have so many private rooms – this facility was bought out and significantly upgraded recently. Maybe someone is getting smarter about care giving! She did inform me that Jack would have to be approved. I told her to initiate that review. In the meantime, I return to Lahey Clinic to find that the case manager had left for the day and that Jack would not be discharged that day. I left a message with an on call case manager who never called back. The next day I finally contacted the case manager, she was not the same one from the previous day; had no idea what I was talking about in regard to Jack transferring to Lexington Healthcare Center, after all, she was not on the day before and knew nothing. I keep forgetting that people do not read!!! To make a long story shorter, he was approved for the facility and he was to be moved. The admission’s coordinator called to tell me. She said there is good news and bad news. “The good news is that Jack was approved for admission; the bad news is that they are not Blue Cross/Blue Schield (BC/BS) approved but are seeking approval”. The cost sharing after Day 20 (first 20 days are covered by Medicare) is $125/day; the next 80 days are shared with Medicare and patient unless the supplemental insurance is an approved insurance. I agreed to do this sharing of costs since we really like the environment and I did want Jack to move again. When I approached the case manager at Lahey and told her that this facility was not BC/BS approved, she had no idea along with no idea that a private room did not have a cost sharing with Medicare. When I asked her why she did not know this important information, she claimed too much to remember and too many facilities that she deals with daily. The bottom line is “they do not read”!!!! It is a very frustrating experience dealing with the layers and some of the people in the layers. I cannot imagine how difficult all of this must be for infirmed and especially the elderly. It is all in day’s work. I keep remembering the verse in Psalms 118:24 – “This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
Yes, even the days that are more demanding than others.

When Jack arrived at Lexington Healthcare Center, he was very weak, hardly able to get out of bed. Eleven days later, he is clearly 100% stronger than he was a week ago for which we are most thankful. Elizabeth, our private nurse’s aid, is staying from 7:00 AM – 2:00 PM. Jack’s engineering mind really does expect things to be done in a timely and efficient manner. I am certainly more comfortable knowing he has such good attention. One of the nice things about the facility is that meals are taken in a dining room instead of the patient’s room. A person has a choice but Jack chooses to go the dining room for lunch and dinner. We have met many wonderful caregivers and patients. One patient in particular is a 92 year old man named Frank. Frank grew up in Cambridge near Harvard Square. He is recovering from a broken hip. When we arrived, Frank seemed depressed and was barely eating. Jack and Frank have become big buddies. Jack has a farmer’s appetite. He amazes everyone who watches him eat, especially the amount. I told Frank that Jack grew up on a farm in Kentucky. I told him he left the farm but took his appetite with him.

I generally join Jack each evening while he is having his dinner. One evening, I was late due to an appointment. When I arrived, Frank had finished his dinner. I told him how impressed I was with his dinner being eaten. He got a big smile on his face and said I just learned that Jack was a MIT professor. We were having such a good conversation that I forgot what I was doing. Ever since that night, Frank has been finishing his dinner. He is very proud of this fete as are we. We have a nightly bet about how much he can eat. Also, after dinner each evening, I have been reading a book on the history of Winchester to Jack and Frank. Frank asks each evening, “Are we going to read tonight?” It is so amazing how little effort it takes to stimulate these minds in the dining room but mostly no one has the time due to do the other more important and demanding needs. You get to know things about these patients. One lady, Nancy, has severe shaking of her hands to the point she needs help eating. Nancy must have been a chain smoker since they keep her with a straw in her hand and she puffs away the days on the straw. Many of these people are elderly and spend most of their days sitting so it does not take a lot to make a little difference. I told Jack that he has gotten Frank eating better. Jack has also helped out some elderly ladies get help to take them to the bathroom. Then there is Jay, Mary, Maria and several others. We definitely have created a more interesting environment. The nursing staff are excellent and are very helpful. Everyone in an environment like this one are forgotten but the caregivers are amazingly. Tonight we had several others join us for our reading. It takes so little effort to make a difference. Jack said one of the good things about the experience of being in this environment is that he sees a side of the world he never knew much about. We are so grateful for the many helping hands.

Jack has learned he can ambulate with wheels. Early in the week, we discovered that his wheel chair only had one leg rest for his left, weak leg. We inquired and they told us they wanted Jack using his right leg to get around. I showed him how far he could go. He was ambivalent in the beginning but soon learned that he could have much more freedom. He can walk about 50 steps at a time assisted by someone standing near him. He is still very wobbly. He is generally in good spirits. He does seem irritable at times. We understand that some of the side effects of his antiseizure medication is irritability.

On January 4, Jack and I shared our 39th wedding anniversary. I took in special desserts to share with Frank, Jack, and myself. We spent the remainder of the evening talking about the many blessings we have shared over our 39 years. Everyone commented on how long we have been married. I told them my grandfather would have called us an endangered species. My only comment was that it is not long enough. Jack commented that it was a very special anniversary because we may not have more than about one more. We do not know, we continue to be thankful for each day, soak in the blessings, and leave the rest behind. One of Jack’s comments was that one of the Lord’s great gifts to us has been the gift of each other and our marriage. He also commented as great as that gift is the most important thing is recognizing the giver of the gift, our Lord. So we “give thanks to the Lord for he is good; his love endures forever.” Psalm 118:29

Our goal and hope is that as Jack gains strength and stamina that we may be able to bring him home in a few weeks. He will need care 7 days a week but overall we hope and pray that he will be able to achieve this goal. We go through each day recognizing that Jack is very vulnerable but hoping that he has many good months ahead without more setbacks. If anyone would like to call him, he can be reached at 781-778-3751. This number is his direct line. He may not talk long or he may tell you he doesn’t feel like talking but it would be a reminder that people are thinking of him. If he doesn’t answer, he may be with his therapists.

This Friday, he is scheduled for his routine MRI scan to determine if his brain is stable. We will be discussing his next course of treatment. We seek your prayers as we continue to travel this journey. Our prayer for all of you is the Lord will bless you with His abundance in the New Year.

Blessings,
Carolyn

Christmas Day 2007 UPDATE

2007-12-25T20:35:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
December 25, 2007

Last evening ‘twas the night before Christmas. Not a creature was stirring, not even Carolyn or Jack. I have not updated the report now for 2 weeks. Partly, because my schedule was/is so chaotic that I hardly had time to breathe much less sit down and write anything. There was no stirring last night because we were all exhausted and finally sleeping peacefully.

Not only have we been bombarded with 19.6 inches of snow this month but followed by sleet and ice. Coupled with managing the weather, I was visiting Jack 1-2 times each day between work and coping with many more people traveling happily about gathering their Christmas gifts. In the midst of that, I decided to fly to NC to help my siblings and parents celebrate my Dad’s 84th birthday. I told him that my presents were my presence. (Is it any wonder people struggle with English?). I might add that the Lord knew I needed that trip since it was the only day last week that it was either not snowing or Jack was not in crisis. I had called my Dad to wish him a happy birthday on the way from the airport while driving to see them. My Mother said, “I wish you could be here”. I said “me too”. It was a fun filled day most of which was the sheer shock of me showing up without my parents having a clue. I thought I was going to have to resuscitate my Mother. It was 12 well spent hours, the calm before a mighty storm that was to follow not only in the weather but with Jack as well.

Jack had been making steady progress for 18 days at NE Rehabilitation hospital that is an acute rehab environment. Since the medical team felt strongly that he was no longer medically acute, he was ready for the next phase that was sub-acute rehab environment in a skilled nursing facility in Winchester. The hope and plan was that he would spend 2-3 weeks there continuing to gain his strength in hope that home would be his next destination. Jack has not been home now since November 14 – 6 weeks to be exact.

In the event that some of you have never been a caregiver, the logistics alone are very exhausting. I am so thankful for the Lord’s daily supply of energy that is provided. It reminds me of the account in the Old Testament of the Lord supplying the manna to the Israelites when they were in the wilderness. Each day they were given just as much as they needed, except on the weekend, they were given a two days supply. I am learning to be so dependent on the daily supply of “manna”. It is a remarkable place to be. Trust me I have days, just as the Israelites did, when I remember having more than that amount of what is needed.

Jack was transferred to Winchester Nursing Center on Friday, December 21. I was with him for several hours. I was very impressed with the admission process and the apparent level of service and care that I was told he would receive. He was in the room with 2 other men with a transfer to private room promised in a couple of days. We were told that we were very fortunate to find a room so quickly because “male” beds are very difficult to obtain in these facilities.

Jack was in Winchester Nursing Center for about 18 hours. He had called me at 3:00 AM telling me that he was unable to sleep and again at 6:55 AM telling me that he needed some help and no one was attending to him. Jack seemed very agitated and hung up on me when I told him that he needed to contact the nurse that I couldn’t help him. I called the nurse’s station to let them know about his needs and I was advised that they would send someone to him. At 10:30 AM, I received a call from the attending physician, Dr. Kolb, at the Center telling me that he had called an ambulance for Jack because he did not look well at all and was very ill. He was throwing up, was nauseated, disoriented, and very pale. He was concerned that he was having a brain bleed. Needless to say, I headed to Lahey Clinic’s emergency room. Christmas traffic was horrific since the road to Lahey Clinic is the same road to the mall. I was moving at snail’s pace when I heard the ambulance. I was about ¾ the way to the hospital when the ambulance passed me. I put my flashing lights on, and followed in behind the ambulance. The ambulance drivers really scolded me when I arrived but I let them have their say. The good news was that I was there waiting for Jack when they opened the doors. Jack was very lethargic and responding poorly. They started running tests on him, x-raying him, and observing him. After he became nauseated several times, the Dr. decided to administer an anti-nausea medication. It made him feel better but also sleepier. A neurosurgery physician came in and ordered a CT scan. The good news was that his scan looked very good. However, what they did discover was 2 things: his sodium levels were dangerously low and he had pneumonia even though he did not have a temperature.

These events made for a very long night. Jack became delirious and incoherent. He was fighting everyone and trying to get out of the bed. I am very surprised that his entire right side is not sore from his struggles. He was extremely agitated which became much worse after a new anti-nausea medicine was given. This lasted for about 10 hours. He was so severely different that I decided to stay all night with him after they admitted him.
During all of these events, Viktor Vejins, Jack’s company CEO, called to say he was on the way to the emergency room. I think he must have GPS on Jack. No one knew we had gone to the emergency room except the children. Viktor had gone to NE Rehab to visit Jack to find out that he had been transferred to Winchester Nursing Center. When he arrived there, they told him that Jack had been sent to the emergency room. Thank you Viktor for “showing up” in our time of need. (Remember the “manna” analogy). It is one more example of our every need being provided.

Around 4:00 AM, Jack called out to me. He thought he was at Winchester Nursing Center. He had no idea where he was, how he got there, or why he was there.
During the night the nurses gave him an antibiotic drip via IV. Jack’s temperature increased over night but was normal in the morning. He slept most of Sunday and Sunday evening. I talked to him early Monday morning. He has absolutely no memory of the weekend. I was so thankful for that miracle.

Currently, Jack is improving. They determined that he was not dehydrated, so they have withheld liquids from him – he only has one quart/day of fluids – in hopes that the sodium would start binding so he would begin feeling much better. They determined that he was not dehydrated since hydration did not improve his sodium levels. The pneumonia has cleared and the sodium levels have increased for that we are most thankful. I stayed with him until mid-morning on Sunday prior to Megan and Jonathan coming to stay with him for a few hours. He has no memory of us being there. One of things they tried to put together was why his sodium levels dropped so low. Jack had begun taking Zoloft, a serotonin antidepressant, to counteract the post steroid depression symptoms. We were told on Monday, by a Lahey Clinic endocrinologist, that brain cancer or brain surgery patients should never take serotonin drugs. One of the side effects is reduced sodium. I think endocrinologists and psychiatrists should have a conversation. Also, pneumonia can cause reduced sodium levels. The combination almost killed Jack. I truly wonder how many people die each year from a drug reaction. Most of us probably do not want to know that much information.

As we wait on the Lord for our daily strength, we are now back to waiting on the medical team to decide when they are ready to discharge him. As most of you know by now, I try, by God’s grace, to find beauty in the moments that we are given. One of those moments came when Dr. Cosgrove, chief of neurosurgery who removed Jack’s tumor, came by to check on him on Christmas Eve. As he was examining Jack, he noticed that his sock was not straight. He stopped what he was doing and put Jack’s sock on so that he was comfortable. It is truly in the little things that you come to know so much about another human. My thoughts were that we truly have a great person for the medical head of Jack’s team.

We met Jack’s neuro-oncologist, Dr. Lloyd Alderson, on December 14. We immediately were impressed with him. We are somewhat biased but correctly we believe. He not only has his medical degree, he also has a PhD in neurochemistry from no less than MIT. He also is very impressive in his warmth and caring. His comment to us is that they are very enthusiastic about the surgery outcome. Dr. Alderson would like to resume the chemotherapy, Temadar. We discussed waiting until Jack is stronger and he agreed that it would be a good idea to give Jack several more weeks of surgery recovery. We are also still waiting for the outcome of the various chemotherapy tests being done in CA on Jack’s tumor.

As we traverse the roller coaster ride of Jack’s illness, I came across a verse that I have embraced. It is Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a pure heart O Lord, and renew a steadfast spirit within me”. The word steadfast has been a stronghold for me as I pondered the steadfast ways of the Lord’s provision to us, most of all the provision of His Son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Our prayer for all of you who continue to pray for us, uphold us, and lift us up to our Lord that you would be blessed in the coming year with a greater love for our Lord and for your friends and family.

The greatest gifts to us have been the steadfast spirit that all of you have toward us during this difficult challenge. We so appreciate your abiding love and care and the many expressions to us in your cards, letters, emails, flowers, and gifts. We can never thank you enough for the many ways you demonstrate your love.

We wish all of you blessings in the coming new year,
Carolyn

December 9, 2007 UPDATE

2007-12-09T19:27:00.000-08:00

December 9, 2007
UPDATE

“A difficult week ends peacefully” – this was the headline in the Boston Globe a week ago slightly edited by switching day in the Globe to week by Carolyn.

Jack was transferred back to New England Rehabilitation Hospital on Monday from Lahey Clinic where his surgery was performed. Thankfully, Jack’s sister Myra was able to oversee this transfer which allowed me to work. The transfer went well. He is in Room 102 which is the same area that he was in before. By being in the same area, he has the same therapists. Since they had a very good understanding of him prior to surgery, we believe that they will be better prepared to know what his regression is and where to begin again with him.

Keep in mind that Jack had two major surgeries last week. He was also on 16 mg/day of steroids to reduce brain swelling. He still has two blood clots in his groin and left leg. Now that the tumor is gone and the surgical procedure swelling diminished, the latest medication is a blood thinner to dissolve the clots coupled with a major reduction in the steroids. Steroids give people a false sense of energy and very bad side effects. One of the primary reasons for the surgery was to reduce the steroid use. He is now taking 6 mg/day. Reducing steroids has to be done with much precaution. If the reduction happens too quickly, the body can go into shock. We produce steroids but not enough to control the kind of swelling that Jack had. When extra steroids are given, the body stops producing its own. One of the good things about the steroid reduction, Jack no longer needs insulin to control his blood sugar.

Since Jack's biopsy on August 23, his left hand and arm have been swollen. Over the last several months, the swelling had increased coupled with the lack of mobility of any kind. Now that the pressure from the tumor has been removed, the swelling in his left hand and arm has completely disappeared. He is extremely weak on that side but he has bicep motion as well as lateral raises (elbow from side to extension upward). So far he does not have tricep function. He has also done some walking with a cane only. He walked 30 feet and 40 feet on two different occasions on Friday. Even though he has a long way to go, he is slowly regaining some strength.

Jack has always had what I have called a farmer’s appetite. One of the other side effects of steroids is a ravenous appetite. Jack called me at 3:00 AM on Saturday morning to tell me he could not get anyone to give him a snack and he felt like he needed one. He wanted me to call the nurse’s station since he could not get a quick response from them. Needless to say, I was back in the business of “playing Carolyn and nurses” at 3:00 AM no less. I must tell you that I am highly motivated to prepare his snack of peanut butter and graham crackers and buttermilk or yogurt. I place it on his right side near his bed so that he can eat it when he feels hungry. I also programmed his cell phone to call the nurse’s station instead of the “Central St.” station. I am totally excited about his removal from steroids!!

Jack has minimum energy at the moment. For those of you who have visited him this weekend, you probably were disappointed in his desire to talk. He is sleeping a lot. Everyone is very happy about his resting coupled with his food intake. Nothing could be better for him at this point.

This week was my 60th birthday and I must say the best present I could have had was to have Jack beyond the prior difficult week. Many of our friends, neighbors, and coworkers helped me ring in this milestone. Jack and Courtenay conspired with Courtenay doing Jack’s shopping and delivery for him. Thank you everyone for creating a fun few days.

Jack has a long road to recovery. He has his next appointment with his Lahey Clinic team next Friday. We are still waiting for the results from the CA oncology lab to see what chemotherapies might work on the tumor tissue that was extracted during surgery. The potential need for additional chemotherapy is due to the likely potential of not extracting all of the live tumor cells.
His radiologist was surprised by the amount of tumor death that Jack experienced. She said that very few people have had that kind of tumor response. We believe that our Lord has heard the legions of prayers that have been prayed all over the world.

We continue to need your prayers, encouragement, and comfort during this arduous recovery. Jack continues to proclaim the comfort of our Lord and sing his praises to all who listen. It makes me think of the verse in Psalm 71:8 – “My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long”. I will continue to update as our lives are adapting to all of the changes and challenges that we have faced over the last few months. We thank our Lord for each and every one of you.
Blessings,
Carolyn

Frank Rhodes - a former student

2007-12-09T18:49:00.000-08:00

Dear professor Howard

I was saddened to hear that you have been diagnosed with brain cancer.

I wish you the best as you struggle with this challenge.

I received a MS/BS thesis from your and worked in your lab in 1980 and 1981. You were head of the ChemE Dept at the time.

I did a bunch of coal pyrolysis experiments on your fancy dancy machine. I mostly took data, but you were generous enough to let that pass as a master’s thesis anyway.

Not only did I learn about coal, but became quite the beer sophisticate, as well. Your head lab technician taught me a lot in both arenas.

You were always kind, not too demanding and always friendly and available. I remember the whole experience fondly.

After about two years plying the Chemical Engineering trade, I ended up becoming and entrepreneur. Flipping houses and running/growing a family sign business.

Again, all the best as you deal with this challenge

Regards, Frank

Beautiful message from Tom Bowman, a colleague from Stanford University

2007-12-08T07:35:00.000-08:00

I would encourage all of you who follow the blog to take the time to open this absolutely beautiful electronic card and rejoice at the message it delivers.
Carolyn

Dear Carolyn and Jack,
Tom Bowman (ctbowman@stanford.edu) has sent you a Jacquie Lawson electronic greeting card.Please click on the following link to see your card. If your e-mail program has not displayed this as a link, then please copy the following into the Address or Location bar of your Internet browser.http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=1321785034171&source=jl999

Alternatively, please visit http://www.jacquielawson.com/ and select the Pick Up Card option in the menu. Then enter your card code, which is:1321785034171If you have any problem at all viewing your card, please click here:http://www.jacquielawson.com/help_1.asp

MORE GOOD NEWS DECEMBER 1, 2007

2007-12-01T04:55:00.000-08:00

MORE GOOD NEWS
UPDATE
DECEMBER 1, 2007

Myra and I were in the hospital parking lot last evening when I received a phone call from Jack’s nurse, Donna, in the recovery room. Only 2 hours after surgery, Jack had given her my cell phone number to call me. We arrived in the recovery room, where Jack was amazingly alert and talkative. I got to give him the most amazing news that Dr. Cosgrove had tremendous difficulty finding any live tumor tissue for the tissue testing that is being done in CA. Jack was astonished to say the least. We are most hopeful and so grateful that this mass has been debulked.

While we were chatting, 2 of the medical doctor team members came by to check on Jack. They asked him if he could move his left arm that has been completely immobile for 2 months now. He not only moved it but he raised it several times with complete control. Jonathan and Courtenay arrived shortly after us. Jonathan, our filmmaker, brought his video camera and captured Jack talking and moving his left arm. The joy of this movement is magnified by the fact that Dr. Cosgrove, Jack’s neurosurgeon and primary doctor for his care, had told us that Jack had less than a 5-10% chance of any mobility restoration. We praise God, the Great Physician, for his most gracious mercy.

Jack is still in ICU this morning but he somehow managed to get access to a phone and called me at 6:00 AM. He said he had not slept all night but decided that we should come in this morning instead of later today. I had told him last evening that we would be in later today since I was certain he would be exhausted and needed to rest today. He told me that since the picture had changed as the result of the surgery, that he wants to talk to us. Since my Dad calls each morning, Jack beat him to the call this morning. It was a most wonderful call.

The legions of prayers have been heard by our merciful Lord. His strength continues to be magnified in our weakness. My weakness, for sure, is the unbelief of the possibility of such a miracle as this one. “Lord, help thou my unbelief.”

As we all continue to rely on our Lord and His sovereign mercy, I am so reminded of
Habakkuk 3:19
“The sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer to enable me to go to the heights.”

As we continue to pray for mercy, strength, and hope, we embrace all of you have been such prayer warriors on our behalf. Please continue as the Lord leads.
Love and Happy December,
Carolyn and family

Surgery UPDATE

2007-11-30T15:43:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
November 30, 2007
6:30 PM

I want to let all of you know that are prayers have been answered beyond comprehension. Jack came through the surgery with flying colors. Not only did they remove the dead tissue, but 99.9% of the tumor tissue was also dead. The tumor, needless to say, had not progressed but had caused massive swelling due to the dead tissue.

Dr. Cosgrove said that he had a great deal of difficulty finding any live tumor tissue for the tissue test that I described this morning. He also said that it will be days to weeks before we know if any of the motor function will return. What he does feel confident about is that Jack will be able to come off of the steroids in several days. After Jack recovers from this part of his treatment, he will be moved back to NE Rehabilitation hospital for a few weeks.

Jack’s sister, Myra, a former student, Rich Shantross (surprised us by showing up at the hospital – he took a day off work to provide us with support), and I spent a couple of hours with Jack this morning and walked with him to surgery. The Lord has truly carried us to the heights today and we are most thankful. The legions of prayers have been answered. We will continue to wait on the Lord as the next phase of this journey unfolds. My birthday is next week and this gift is the best one that I could ever imagine.

We continue to desire your prayers, love, and support. We are all looking forward to a restful night’s sleep.
Carolyn

Update November 30, 2007

2007-11-30T05:11:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
November 30, 2007
This week has again challenged us with the unexpected. Jack’s left leg has been swelling over several days. Each evening both of his legs are encased in a mechanism that inflates and deflates to enhance the circulation is his legs. There is always a concern for the occurrence of blood clots when a person is less mobile than they had been previously coupled with chemotherapy side effects. As his leg began to remain swollen and even worsen, the Dr. decided to do an ultrasound test on him last Tuesday afternoon. What they discovered was that he has 2 large blood clots now – a likely side effect of the chemotherapy he was on during September and October. One of the clots is in his right groin while the other one is behind his left knee. The concern is that as the body tries to absorb these clots that pieces will break off and migrate to his lungs and heart. Unfortunately, Jack is not a candidate for blood thinners. Tumors are huge blood banks. If Jack was given blood thinners, he would potentially have a brain hemorrhage at the tumor site. Thanks to modern medicine, the Doctors went to plan B. Jack was taken back to Lahey Clinic emergency room on Tuesday evening for Plan B. Plan B is a filter that looks like an umbrella that was placed in the large groin vein. If the clots try to migrate, the filter prevents large pieces from going to the lungs and heart.

Here comes the fun part of the evening – we can always find humor and joy in the events. Picture Jack in this high tech emergency room with various people coming and going doing their jobs. The doctor comes in and describes in detail what the procedure is going to be and how it works. Jack is flat on his back, paralyzed on his left side, special stockings to improve the circulation, Jonathan and me at his side – as the doctor describes the filter, Jack wants to know the pore size of the filter. Only Jack!!!! That engineering mind has not stopped yet. The evening only gets more interesting. A young Dr. walks in the room and says – hello Professor Howard. MIT students always refer to faculty as Prof. We immediately have a clue. Apparently, this student thought Jack was a math professor at MIT (there used to be another Jack Howard in the math department at MIT). This Dr. decided to google Jack; consequently, Jack was discovered. The procedure finally occurred in the middle of the night since the team that specializes in this procedure had gone home for a quiet evening. Jack was conscious throughout the procedure. Apparently, there was much discussion about the world’s energy crisis with this team consulting with Jack during this surgery. Who would have guessed that maybe our energy crisis might be solved in an emergency surgery room! Thankfully, the procedure was successful and we all went home to sleep for a short winter’s night.

Jack was admitted that evening to Lahey Clinic since the doctors and Jack had decided that he would have the brain surgery. There are several hopes for the surgery. One of the big hopes is to maybe restore the use of Jack’s left leg, extend his life for some months, and remove the need for steroids that have many negative side effects. Initially, surgery was not an option due to the high risk for paralysis. We have the paralysis, so we do not have that as a concern. Jack has another brain image (MRI) this morning followed by surgery at 1:00 PM today.
Jack had a very comfortable day yesterday. Two more “southern” friends came in to visit him. Victor Vejins, Nano-C’s CEO – I think Viktor and his family must live in Southwest West Concord, MA, and Jack’s first office mate at MIT last century, Bill Dalzell, who definitely qualifies as a Southerner since he lives in Marshfield, MA on the deep south side of Boston. Jonathan spent time with him during his lunch. Jonathan called to say he was off to get Jack more coffee – Jack’s favorite drink of choice.

I spent time with Jack last evening. It was a time of reflection on our Lord and his tender mercies toward us over the many years that we have shared. We discussed our abundance in the ways that we have been blessed with our families and friends that are far and wide. We are truly resting in the shadow of the wings of our Lord, our only place of refuge from the journey of our lives and especially the storm of this disease.

Another amazing event that has happened is that Megan’s (Jonathan’s wife) family have some dear friends in Orange County, CA. This family escaped the Serbian war a few years ago. Megan’s Mom, Margaret met them on the plane as they were traveling to the US. Margaret is a flight attendant and befriended them. They knew no one. The two families have become very close friends. We have had the pleasure of meeting this wonderful family. The woman works in a lab that tests cancer tissues to determine the most effective treatment for the cancer. She has offered and is sending via overnight the kit that is used to collect cancer tissue. Jack’s tumor tissue will be exposed to many forms of chemotherapy in her lab for potential treatment after surgery. Thank you Megan for orchestrating all of this work.

When an experience such as the one we are going through happens, it is truly an awesome thing to see how the Lord has woven the fabric of our lives. It is also wonderful to see the far reach of so many people that desire to help in so many ways. We deeply express our gratitude to all of you. I told Viktor this week that I felt like I was training for a marathon. His response to me was that I am in the marathon. I agreed with him. Unfortunately, there is no training as we know training for this marathon. By God’s grace, our strength is supplied sufficiently moment by moment.

I will close with the verses that I shared with Jack last evening. Also, I will be updating the blog throughout the weekend. Jack's sister, Myra, is arriving this morning to be with us over the next several days. We continue to covet and need your prayers.

Excerpts from Psalm 16
V1. “Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.
V7. “I will praise the Lord, who counsels me: even at night my heart instructs me.
V8. “I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
V9. “Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure”
V11. “You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
Blessings,
Carolyn and family

Yiannis Levendis Letter - Northeastern Professor

2007-11-30T04:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Jack,
It has been sometimes that I have not seen you. In the meantime, I have been receiving news about your medical condition from Henning and from the internet blog.
I have not contacted you as I did not want to be intrusive and as I also faced family issues.
But having read a poem recently I thought about you a lot. So, on this Thanksgiving Day I decided to write you a note, to share this poem with you. You may already know of it; I didn’t until recently.
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
By Mary Stevenson, 1936
I can only hope that now that the first round of your treatments is over, that we will see positive changes and we will see again two sets of footprints in the sand.
Jack, you are a rare breed of a gentleman and it has always been a sheer pleasure dealing with you.
When we meet you brighten my days. I look forward to many more of those bright days.
Your friend,
Yiannis A. Levendis

November 26, 2007 UPDATW

2007-11-26T04:11:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
November 26, 2007

Psalm 19:1-4
“The heavens declare the glory of God,
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.”

Psalm 19 is a beautiful Psalm of David and expresses our experiences and opportunities during our difficult trial with Jack. One of Jack’s hopes has been that he would have the opportunity to express to others the glory of the Lord. He is getting more of this time than he had imagined.
He recently was visited by a psychiatrist who wanted to talk with him about how he was feeling about his situation. He had an amazing experience telling her how he is trusting the Lord in all aspects of this challenge. He explained to her that he is confident that the Lord has it all under his complete control and he rests with that. She inquired by asking “Isn’t unusual for scientists to believe like that?” He said not in his experience and he began to give her examples of well known scientists. Jack has always said that he has had a unique view of the majesty of God because of his work. He has observed intricate order and design in the smallest of ways (nano technology). We praise our mighty Lord for these discussions with others.
Jack remains at NE Rehabilitation Hospital where he is receiving 3 hours/day of therapies – speech, occupational, and physical. He enjoys the challenges of the sessions. He doesn’t think there is enough therapy. Sundays are days off where he rests. He told me last evening that when he was in the bathroom, he pulled himself up and down 60 times in order to workout. The staff would have had a heart attack if they had known he was doing this activity. He is so concerned about maintaining as much strength as possible. The staff is concerned about safety. You can obviously tell that safety is second on Jack’s list.
On the medical front, I have spoken with both his radiologist and neurosurgeon. His radiologist, Dr. Shih, told me that he could not have had a worse response to the treatment. The treatment did not arrest the tumor growth, it continues to grow, as I mentioned previously. Also, there is much necrotic (dead) tissue. Dr. Cosgrove has decided that surgery is the best option. He would debulk or resection the tumor (both of these terms are used interchangeably) and remove as much of the dead tissue as possible. The hope would be potentially to restore the use of Jack’s left leg. The original inoperable diagnosis was given due to the paralysis issue. We now have the paralysis, so we don’t have anything to lose in Jack’s function. Of course, there is always risk with surgery. Dr. Cosgrove explained that the biggest concern is the possibility of infection from the necrotic tissue. Jack and Dr. Cosgrove meet today to discuss surgery. If Jack opts for the surgery, it will likely occur this week. Jack has indicated to me that he will choose surgery.
Jack is much better overall than he was a week ago. The high doses of steroids have reduced the swelling so much that he is much more alert and engaged. He does continue to exhibit erratic blood sugar levels. If his blood sugar is elevated, they administer insulin. Medical issues become like a domino effect; one problem is helped only to create another one.
The children and I had a lovely Thanksgiving with Jack. The hospital had a catered meal for patients and families. It felt very festive. It was also comforting to be among so many others suffering in similar situations. The staff is wonderful at this hospital creating a place of hope and courage. We are thankful.
Courtenay, Jonathan, Megan, and I have spent time together over the weekend discussing our hopes, fears, concerns, and strategies. I told them that we have two primary jobs with Jack – comfort him and love him in all the ways we can.
If Jack has successful surgery, he would begin taking the Brazilian plant extracts that I previously have mentioned. He is willing to take them. The doctors have said whatever you want to try as long as it will not harm him. We believe we have nothing to lose with this option.
By God’s grace, we move through these events with hope, joy, and solitude. The Lord continues to provide for us in all ways for that we are most thankful.
I will update further when we have more information.
I will close with the quote from Psalm 19:14
“May the words of my mouth and the
meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”
Blessings to all of you who continue to send cards, emails, and prayers to us and for us,
Carolyn

UPDATW November 18, 2007

2007-11-18T12:45:00.000-08:00

UPDATE
November 18, 2007

Since I last updated the blog, Jack has continued to decline. He had become lethargic and lacked his usual robust appetite as of Tuesday and Wednesday. He also seemed somewhat more unbalanced when he walked. Stairs were becoming more and more difficult. On Wednesday as he was coming down the stairs with my assistance, he almost toppled over onto me. He also seemed to be more exhausted by each step. After giving him some orange juice, I had him come down the stairs on his bottom, one stair at a time. I became more concerned as I observed that he did not complete his breakfast. I stayed at home as long as possible until he decided he needed a rest. I left home to go to an appointment at work knowing that our daughter-in-law, Megan, and our homecare person would be coming in shortly.

When Megan arrived around noon, she found Jack on the floor struggling to get up. He told her that he wasn’t sure how he landed on the floor but that his body was shaking strongly. He said he thought this was the long awaited seizure. Megan called me and I had her call his doctor. His doctor decided that he needed to be admitted to Lahey Clinic, his new source of care. I must add that the entire Lahey Clinic experience has been amazing. The nurse advised that they wanted us to call an ambulance as soon as they had identified a room for him. They did not want him stranded in the emergency room. She called back in about 10 minutes with directions for the admittance process coupled with a room number. He was admitted around 1 PM on Wednesday.
After doing a CT scan on Jack, the doctor determined that he had significant brain swelling. They dramatically increased his steroids to reduce the swelling. Within a few hours, he was eating well again and seemed much more alert than he had for several days.
The MRI, to establish the first benchmark since his radiation ended, was still scheduled for Friday, as planned. I am copying the email onto this update that I sent to family and friends after that report.

Dear Family and beloved Friends:
Yesterday morning when I was meditating on the Psalms, I came across this verse from Psalm 112:7-8 which states:
"He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes."
I took these verses to Jack at noon. I told him that these were verses to prepare us for the day. He was much more alert than he had been on Wednesday. We had some good together time in the afternoon. We both had naps! You know you are getting old when you would rather sleep than talk!
He had his MRI Friday AM. The news is not good. The reason for the major decline that I observed this week was due to severe brain swelling which they observed on the CT scan given on Wednesday evening. It appears that the tumor did not respond to the radiation and chemotherapy now coupled with tissue death and severe swelling from the treatment. The initial fear was that the tumor was inoperable since it could lead to permanent paralysis. Since Jack is now paralyzed on his left side (even his walking is almost impossible now), the Dr. suggested that surgery might be a consideration to debulk the tumor and dead tissue with the hope of restoring his walking. If surgery is done, we also have another option. Jack has a MIT colleague, Bob Langer, who is world renown for his drug delivery systems. One of the systems he has developed with success is a chemo wafer put into the tumor if surgery is done. It not only kills the tumor cells but it has no side effects like systemic chemotherapy. We discussed alternative treatments such as rain forest extracts for which we also have access. Dr. Cosgrove said he has no problem with anything we want to try. Another interesting development is an electromagnetic helmet that prevents tumor cells from dividing and multiplying. The electromagnetic waves polarize the cells, stopping their development.
Presently, the plan is as follows: Jack goes to New England Rehabilitation hospital this morning (Saturday). This facility is an acute rehab environment. He will be there until he plateaus or the team decides he is unable to continue. Jack is on 12 mg/day of steroids, (dexadrone). The Dr. wants to see how he responds to this level of treatment. He will not proceed with the chemotherapy (Temodar) originally planned since he did not respond on Round 1. On Wednesday, I will speak with Dr. Cosgrove about my observations of Jack on the increased steroids. The high doses of steroids cause an increase in blood sugar. They are monitoring that very closely and are now giving him doses of insulin, as needed.We covet your prayers and support during this most challenging and breathtaking experience.
Love and blessings,Carolyn

Jack was transported successfully to NE Rehab hospital. The staff began evaluating him and helping him upon his arrival. They are teaching him strategies for helping himself as well as safety precautions.

We had a most pleasant surprise last evening. Our dear friends, Jim and Sunny Nichols, from the Cape Cod area surprised us with a wonderful visit. They visited Jack. Jim and Jack shared Nano-C war stories and had some good laughs. Jim graciously served as the Nano-C interim CEO while the company was doing a CEO search. Jim and Sunny are native Georgians. The children and I had gone to a nearby bistro café for supper. I turned around as Megan was waving at this couple, none other than the Nichols. I told Jim that you know the difference in friends and Southern friends. Friends call and ask when they can visit. Southern friends just show up. We were so blessed by their spiritual and physical embrace. Jim and Sunny’s church sends weekly get well cards through a lady named, Gloria. Jim has also been responsible for churches all over the country, especially churches South and West of here, sending us regular get well cards. We treasure all of the outreach to us.

I visited Jack briefly this morning where he was receiving occupational therapy (OT) and physical therapy (PT). I did not stay long since he was so busy. He has declared that his breakfast tasted like cardboard. He had a waffle and thick oatmeal – I may have to hire a personal chef for him. He must be better since he is complaining about the food.

I saw an encouraging sign while I was there. If the OT opened his left hand for him, he could partially close it. He has had no movement in his hand for weeks. Hopefully, as the swelling subsides, he will continue to see strength and activity in the left side. His spirit is strong We know that spiritual and physical strength is the strength our mighty Lord so mercifully supplies. We are so thankful for the multitude of blessings as we continue to revel in the marvelous mercy that is so richly provided to us.

The medical goal for Jack remains as follows: to provide him with the highest quality of life that he can have for as long as possible. The Dr. reassured us that based on the tumor location that Jack's cognitive abilities, personality, or the quality of his personhood would not be altered by this tumor. The tumor is located in the left side motor cortex of the right frontal lobe. The Psalmist David talks about that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are witnessing this amazing quote with Jack's experience.

As we are all preparing for our Thanksgiving feasts, let us all bow our heads with grateful praise to our God, who is the giver of all our abundance.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Carolyn and family

Letter from Mohammad Hajaligol, former student and colleague

2007-11-16T05:11:00.000-08:00

October 10, 2007

Dear Jack,

Hope you, Carolyn, and other family members are fine and are strongly coping with the current very tiring situation. Reading the information in your blog shows me once again your response to this situation is so admirable; representative of a great values in life something that you have been the symbol of throughout your life. You continue to be a model for me in my life, for which I shall be forever grateful.

I don’t know where to start and how to express my feelings as sometimes words are not sufficient. Though I have known you almost for 30 years and have seen you time and again, I don’t know why I’ve waited so long to express myself. Maybe, like so often, we take important parts of our lives for granted. You are a loving, caring, and wonderful human-being. You’ve touched and affected many individuals’ lives. You have been the source of inspiration and aspiration for many who have had the good fortune -- or perhaps even the wisdom -- to work with and learn from you, to have been taught and mentored by you. In fact you are all of these and more; you are more than one could ever hope for in a friend, teacher and colleague. With no doubt in my mind I can say that you’ve had the greatest impact in my life in this country.

My experience with my first PhD thesis was a disaster. So, I started to look for another research and another professor. I had learned that I needed to look for a thesis supervisor that not only is scientifically well recognized but had a strong personality and above all a caring human being. With these and many more in my mind, you were the only one that could meet all these and more, so I made an appointment with you and discuss my interest in your research area in the very early part of year 1978. Unlike many others, you were so generous and accepted me as one of you PhD student without giving me any hard time.

One year passed with not much progress. I was about 25 years old student, full of energy but my mind was in so many directions. During the spring of 1979 and knowing what’s happening with me, one day you asked me, when do I want to become serious in doing my research work to finish my degree. I thought for a few moments and replied I would like to take a trip to my home country this summer, if I come back I will finish it; and if I don’t come back, well, then I am done. You smiled and very patiently said that is fine; you knew me and you let me to freely choose my way. I have never forgotten this moment in my life.
I came back to Cambridge that summer and finished my degree by late 1980. Though you offered that I could stay for a postdoc program, instead I decided to go back to my home country right after my thesis defense; I didn’t even stay for graduation ceremonies.

I stayed in Iran for over four years and it was early 1985. I was feeling very tired in my life both personally and professionally and was looking for a change. I sent you a letter, explained my situation, and asked for an invitation. You graciously helped me in coming back to MIT for a short sabbatical. With a lot you did for me, I could get a visa and come back again to MIT. Two months passed and I decided to stay longer but didn’t feel comfortable to come to you and ask again for your help, so without letting you know started looking for a job even if it was a postdoc job, 5 years after my graduation. A few places contacted you and that was how you found out about my intention. You didn’t get upset, and instead one day, you told me that you know I am looking for a job and suggested I can stay and work with your group; though the pay is not big, but MIT has a big name! So, you helped me again to hang on to a professional life, to grow, to have space to mature, and then, to move on.

A few years passed, I was still working at MIT and looking for a permanent job and I was getting so desperate that I was ready to leave everything behind once again and go back to Iran. It was in the fall of 1987 when with your recommendation a good school decided to seriously look at my job application. I will never forget the day in early December 1987 that for some reason I was late; when I arrived in my office, there was a message from you. You had also asked so many if they see me ask me to come to your office. When I finally met you in your office on the 4th floor of building 66 at around 11:00AM, you said this company that is called Philip Morris is looking for a scientist that matches your qualifications. I didn’t know what type of company Philip Morris is and you explained me that though you know my aspiration is for academia but industry is another experience. With your recommendation and Adel's, in a few days I had a job offer from Philip Morris. This was shocking and didn’t know how to explain this in my life. This was another critical point in my life, especially for staying in this country and becoming successful and prosperous.

My life changed again, forever, for the positive.

I have been successful and happy with my career at Philip Morris; and of course there are many challenges when one starts a new career. And, it took about 10 years for the company to finally assign me to a position that you had taught me during my PhD program. I started the combustion research program at Philip Morris in 1998 and you again became a major source of inspiration, energy, and scientific initiative for me and my group.

It is now many years later. I am so happily married to a wonderful woman. I have so many wonderful friends whom I treasure. I have exceeded my own expectations in my profession.

This does not happen to every body so simply, for me it is very simple; my life and my successes in this country would not have been possible without you. You are my mentor and my hero, and while it may sound selfish but pray and like you stay around very long.

With many prayers and kindest regards,
Mohammad

2007-11-07T19:30:00.000-08:00

UPDATES
November 7, 2007

It is official. Jack has successfully graduated from 30 days of radiation and 42 days of chemotherapy. October 30 was his last day of treatment for which we are both most thankful. The radiation therapist cheered us on. He can accurately say that the whole city was excited. The Red Sox even had a grand parade to celebrate this momentous day. Some people actually think it was to celebrate something the Red Sox did but not us!

Jack tolerated treatment very well. The fallout from the treatment will continue to affect him for several months we were told. If treatment was successful, we could likely begin seeing some improvements in his paralysis in about 2-3 months. The doctors seem optimistic that he will regain the entire use of his arm, hand, leg, and foot. He may not regain his finger dexterity. His spirits are good. He keeps himself occupied by napping. I keep telling him that he is just catching up on years of sleep deprivation. When he is not napping, he is reading, doing Bible study, or writing. This week, I called home and asked Jennifer, his new homecare person, what he was doing and she said – “oh, he is writing his book.” Jack has copious journals on his work which is now focused on brain tumors and assorted other things. Thankfully, he is right handed since it is the left side that is so impaired.

The best part of our trips to the hospital each day was the sharing time that we had. We quickly developed a morning routine. I must confess that I am not missing the rigor of it. However, if anyone wants to know any back road to MGH from Winchester or the surrounding area, please call. We know them all including time differences during various hours to arrive from portal to portal. Jack has probably plotted them somewhere.

Megan and Jonathan have moved into their empty condo still anxious to get their furniture. Their furniture still has not arrived. It is 1.5 weeks overdue and now is not expected until next week. As Megan says, there must be a good reason for this event. If nothing else, their things will be most welcomed when they do arrive. We have some very good news on the job front for Jonathan. He has had multiple interviews and begins some freelance editing work for Boston Productions on Monday. He has been wanting to do freelance work, so here is his opportunity. Thank you Lord.

We had a very good visit from Ingo Wersborg on Sunday. Ingo has spent some time with us as his American family while he attended MIT one year ago. Ingo is the youngest son of our dear friends the Wersborgs that came from Germany for Jack’s birthday a few weeks ago. He surprised Jack with a CD of a beautiful opera and a fabulous Bose stereo system to play it on. Thank you Wersborgs for such a special gift from such special friends.

We continue to enjoy the vista of the Lord’s hand in our lives. My office bookkeeper, Maria Corso, had offered us a special recliner that had belonged to a family member. I told her we were interested in it. It turns out that after her family member had used it, that a dear friend of hers had borrowed it for the summer for his Mother who was visiting. The sister of this friend used to be Jack’s secretary at MIT. On an occasion, Jack had gone to the airport to pick up his secretary’s brother, this friend of Maria. The chair that Jack will receive is being delivered from its current home (Jack’s former secretary and her brother) to our home. It is so amazing to observe the beauty of such a small world. It makes me think of the verse in Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” We are truly blessed with such amazing loving-kindness.

The joy of the experience is the surprise around every corner. Even the shocking and difficult surprises have been surrounded by even more beautiful and unexpected surprises. Just when I think, I can go no more, someone appears, a call comes from someone with a pot of soup (like this evening from my beloved office manager, Karen Brown – no less than home grown by her Dad and made with love by her and her Mom, escarole soup), a gift arrives, an email of concern and care. It fills us with awe! These uplifting moments bring to mind Habakkuk 3:19 – “The sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer to enable me to go to the heights.” This verse is so uplifting since a disease like this one has great potential to bring us down to the depths but by the grace of our Lord we are being lifted to the heights. All of this experience is truly beyond our strength, so we leave it all at the feet of our Lord.

Jack is still thinking about combustion for all of you who may be concerned. This morning there was a front page article in the Boston Globe about hospital fires in operating rooms. Jack reminded me that he had done some consulting work for WR Grace on this problem many years ago. This article discussed putting rubbing alcohol on a patient’s abdomen to cauterize a mole after gallbladder surgery. Apparently, the abdomen ignited from the cautery tool and alcohol. The flame was described as blue. Jack immediately asked me if I knew why it was blue. Before I could respond, he said because it does not have soot in it. Oh, Jack’s beloved soot. When Courtenay and Jonathan were tiny, he would put a cutlery knife in a candle flame to collect soot and talk to them about it. Needless to say, I have never gotten as excited about flames or soot as Jack. Jack’s tumor may impair his motor function but it is not slowing much else down that is going on in the rest of his brain.

There are many things to learn from these events in our lives. I am sure this list will continue to grow with time. I will share the ones that I have penned thus far:

1. The only thing we have on earth, humanly speaking, is time.
2. The time we can spend with family is most valuable.
3. Considering each other more than our self is extremely important.
4. Communicating freely and openly prevents misunderstandings.
5. Participating in family gatherings even when it is the last thing one wants to do. It may be the last opportunity to see each other.
6. Focusing on each other’s needs more than personal fears.
7. Loving each other as Christ has loved us, unconditionally.
8. Trusting the Lord in all things and not lean on our own understanding.
9. Embracing the experience as an opportunity for growth in the knowledge of our Lord and love for each other.
10.Caring for others more than ourself.

Many heartfelt thanks to all of you who call, email, care, and walk with us during this journey.
I will update next time after the November 16th medical appointment at Lahey Clinic.

Have a wonderful Veteran’s Day weekend.
Carolyn

Lois Hottel Wood (daughter of Hoyt Hottel - Jack's MIT mentor)

2007-11-05T19:09:00.000-08:00

This letter is from Professor Hottel's daughter. Prof. Hottel mentored and worked with Jack for many years. They co-authored a book together named New Energy Technology. It is a "go to" book in solving our current energy problems. Jack held the Hoyt Hottel Chair in the Chemical Engineering Department for several years prior to his MIT retirement.

The Letter:
Dear Jack and Carolyn,The world of MIT has not heard much from me since my dad's death in 1998 -- almost 10 years ago. But -- you are all still and forever in my hearts. I grew up in Dept 10, first in Bldg 2 (!) and then Bldg 12 – and the memories are legion. I got to the age where I ogled the grad students and even the young faculty – shameless wench – and Hoyt’s daughter to boot! I made huge numbers of good friends, some of whom I still contact. I think just about everyone at my wedding was from that world – I loved you all well, and have nothing but precious memories of my life at Tech. I visited a lot in the wondrous new Bldg 66 -- Daddy was SO proud of the way they wedged that in! -- but by that time I was ensconced in my own busy life. Four children and ten grandchildren – keeps me busy
!And the carpools! Living where the Hottels did – last stop! -- anyone in the family riding to MIT had quite an experience with the carpool crowd. Who else ever knew that route through all those back corners of Medford and Somerville and Cambridge? – none of which is even recognizable today! I was very very young -- a teen -- when I had my first job at Tech, and I so well remember those mornings in the car with you and Fritz and I can't remember who else -- cars weren't so big then, so maybe there were only four of us.
For 20 years, I worked as the director of communications (fancy title for editor) at Dartmouth's Thayer School of Engineering. I looked down my nose when I was first there -- MIT snob -- who ever heard of Thayer School? -- and left a long time later with a huge respect for that tiny school which did a good job of educating young engineers and some impressive research as well -- at a college I had also disdained, but now admire. John Kemeny, the mathematician from Princeton who became Dartmouth's president around 1970 turned the school around, and its academic standards are now high. Daddy never accepted that -- he had his opinion of Dartmouth and that was that! He grudgingly allowed that maybe I did a good job, but just barely -- and he was sure he could have done it better! What a great dad I had!
Just as I was retiring in 2004, a new dean arrived at Thayer School -- and it was Joe Helble! Needless to say, it didn't take long for us to get together -- Adel kept the secret from me, so I had no idea that Joe had any direct connection to any part of my life, but of course, he did. And, sadly, it was he who told me last week about your illness.Jack, I am so sorry. What a nightmare for you all.
I lost my husband, Myric, to cancer in June 2006, after 45 wonderful years in family medicine here in Lebanon, NH -- and I know how hard it is, not only for you but for Carolyn. Both of your lives are suddenly turned around, and the challenges are huge. For you, to suddenly have to focus on yourself and your physical well-being when I'm sure they were of little concern to you during your very busy life in teaching and research -- it must be awful.
I'm so sad to think of you being so ill – I hope the treatments are tolerable and have the best possible measure of success. I have such good memories of you and Carolyn at 27 Cambridge Street – my daughter Sarah lives in Arlington now, so I go by our old house frequently. And if you still live on Everett Avenue (is that an accurate memory? at 76, many are not!!), I guess I go by your house as well!My heart and prayers are with you both – and I wish you both the best that can come to you ---With my love
,Lois Hottel Wood

Professor Bill Green comments

2007-11-05T04:13:00.000-08:00

Dear Jack,

Amanda and I have been following your progress on your blog; we are inspired by your resilience and are cherishing you in our thoughts and prayers.

I feel extremely lucky, both to have caught your eye when I first applied to work at MIT,and then to have had you as a mentor and collaborator as I started out as an assistant professor. After a long week dealing with the stresses that come with that job, it was such a relief to spend a few minutes in unhurried conversation with you, to feel your calm and thoughtful influence. And it was very reassuring to see in front of me someone who had dealt with the same stresses I was facing, both at work and at home, and had found a way to maintain a balance and a focus on what was really important. So I am very grateful for the moments I have been able to spend with you and for the example you set me.

I hope that, as you did for me, I may some day be able to help some new asst. prof. find his bearings.

If I may, I would like to stop by to visit. When would be a good time?

Peace and Love,
Bill

Prof. William H. Green
MIT Dept. of Chemical Engineering
(617)253-4580 Room 66-270

A poem from a friend

2007-11-05T04:06:00.000-08:00

There is a brokenness
Out of which comes the unbroken
a shatteredness
Out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is sorrow beyond all grief which leads to joy
and a fragility out of whose depth emerges strength.
There is a hollow space too vast for words
Through which we pass with each loss,
out of whose darkness we are sanctioned into being.
There is a cry deeper than all sound
Whose serrated edges cut the heart as we break open to the place inside
Which is unbreakable and whole,
while learning to sing.

A friend of mine sent me this beautiful poem. My thougths while reading this poem was to dwell on how our Lord heals the broken, becomes the light in our lives, and supplies all of our needs. Thanks be to Him, who alone is worthy to be praised. Let us all sing our praises to our Lord and our God.

Hello from Serakorn Gerjarusak, PhD 1993

2007-10-30T03:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Professor Howard and Carolyn,
First, a big thank you to Phillip Westmoreland for informing me (and other former students) of Professor Howard's illness.
Since I left MIT in 1993, I have not been in touch with Jack Howard and Bill Peters, my thesis advisors. I returned to Bangkok, Thailand, with the intention to join Esso's refinery (known as Exxon in USA). However, I was recruited by a course X alumnus, Chartsiri Sophonpanich, whose family was a big shareholder of Bangkok Bank (he is currently the bank's President). I worked at Bangkok Bank for a year as a foreign exchange trader. I then decided to put engineering on hold and took a plunge into investment banking. I travelled to Hong Kong in the summer of 1994 and have lived here ever since. I worked for Merrill Lynch, Barclays, Lehman Brothers, and HSBC. I am currently with Goldman Sachs, working as Managing Director and head of macro structuring for non-Japan Asia.
In case you are wondering what exactly is my job, I will try to explain it the best I can. I work for the largest securities firm in the world. Goldman Sachs is kinda like MIT of investment banking! Everyone in an investment bank aspire to be a manging director. About 6% of the employee at Goldman Sachs are managing directors (although there are different levels of seniority, Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Golmand Sach is also a Managing Director, but at least 10 levels above me). I am in charge of coming up with trade ideas in foreign exchange and interest rate, working with salespeople and traders to execute the idea with our cleints. It is nothing like the movie "Wall Street." I get to use some algebra and basic calculus plus some basic probability and statistics. I try to dress like a true banker, i.e. dark suits and tie, now that I am really one!
I have been married to Tiaranad for six years, we have two beautiful children Tara (5, girl) and Trin (3.5, boy). We all live in Hong Kong.
Like Dr. Peters, you rescued me from self imposed confusion. Like Dr Peters, I was at Yale before MIT. I absolutely disliked New Haven and wanted to move north to Boston. Although many said it could not be true, I was recruited to MIT because of my interest in combustion. Lucky me!! Supposedly there was a shortage of students in the field of combustion in the late 80's. After the first semester, I took the doctoral qualifying exam. I also registered for the Practice School as an insurance. If I didn't want to continue, I could graduate with a Master's degree in Chemical Engineering Practice and go straight to work. I passed the qualifier and you were so kind in assuring me that I really passed and that you really wanted me to work on coal combustion.
And I never looked back. My years at the Ralph Landau (Cheese Cake) Building were some of the best years of my life. I probably said it many times before, but I can't say it enough. Thank you, Professor Howard, for being there for me. My experience at MIT kicked started my career in, ahem, banking, and my banking friends and colleagues are still fascinated by the fact that I have a Ph.D. from MIT.
I am returning to Boston in 2 weeks for college recruiting. The secret is out, and investment banks are recruiting science and engineering students, especially Ph.D.'s. I hope that I can visit you at your home and please reply to my email if you think it is OK.
I have also been touched by the poem posted by Carolyn in the blog. Because of you, Dr. Peters, and many friends from MIT, my cup is over flowing. Let's be cheerful and keep drinking from the saucer.
Happy belated 70th birthday and get well soon.
Sarakorn Gerjarusak, Ph.D. '93 (Plasticity Kinetics of Different coal Types)Goldman Sachs (Asia) LLCFixed Income, Currency & Commodity Division(O) +852 2978 2977 (M) +852 9155 0555bobby.gerjarusak@gs.com

Gina and John Nenniger

2007-10-28T14:47:00.000-07:00

Hello Howards,

We are so sad to hear your news. We have been terrible about staying in touch. Last year my electronic daytimer and my hard drive packed it in within 24 hours, which made it even worse, because I lost what few phone numbers we had. We are well and still enjoying living in Calgary. Emily (20) is now at San Francisco Conservatory of Music studying violin. We are mystified as to where the interest in music came from. Maybe it is just her way of marking out her territory completely separate from John and me, but she has been very firm since she was four that this is what she wants to do. Beth (17) spent grade 11 attending a public school in Spain. It was the best thing we ever did for her. She came home completely fluent in Spanish and finished two years of high school in one year. She is now living in Vancouver and trying to decide what she wants to do for university. We had a lot of medical problems with Beth when she was little. We almost lost her twice and spent much of her first three years in Children's hospital. Those early years seem to have given her a fierce sense of independence, which is now serving her well, but made for some difficult times as a parent. Meghan (15) is still at home. I suspect that she will go pretty much the same route as Emily, as she is very committed to her viollin. Both she and Emily have had some wonderful opportunities to travel the world through their music. Because of the travelling and competitions Emily was and Meghan still is home-schooled. Beth also found she could accelerate through home-schooling, so she finished high school through a home-schooling program. Jason (11) is into hockey. I never thought I would become a hockey mom, but it does keep him motivated with respect to schoolwork and other commitments. He plays goalie, but is always the smallest on his team. There is not much going for him in his genes.

John and I started our own company 21 years ago when Petro-Canada shut down their research lab. It was a blessing in disguise. John is much happier and I have flexibility wrt to working hours. For many years we specialized in addressing plugging deposit problems in the upsteam oilfield -- wax, asphaltenes, scale, hydrates. In the lean times, John started following his passion, which is inventing things. We have a lab in a warehouse bay. I even got my Class 3 air brakes card, so I could drive the heavy trucks to field trials. We have always joked that we could drive 18 wheelers if the company doesn't work out. John is now deeply involved in a solvent process for the tar sands. Our consulting business has pretty much shut down. I don't know where we will be if this latest project does not pan out. I do all the administration for the company and chase kids. With John's heavy commitment to work, Beth's medical problems, and four kids, I have really cut back on my engineering hours, but maybe that will change in the future. John is thoroughly enjoying this latest project and will talk your ear off, if given the chance.

We would very much like to hear from you, if you feel up to it. Our thoughts are very much with you.

Wishing you all the best from your former students and fellow Kentuckian,

Gina and John Nenniger

Don Anthony Wishes

2007-10-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Carolyn and Jack,

Phil Westmoreland passed on the information about Jack’s diagnosis. I was very sorry to hear about it but in reading your web blog, it is apparent that you are handling the situation extremely well. Our prayers are with you both.

By the way, Happy Birthday, Jack. Phil mentioned that this would be number 70.

Darla and I are living in North Venice, Florida, on a golf course with tennis courts just down the street. The beach is 10 minutes away. Given these surroundings, you might surmise that I have retired and that was certainly the plan. However, the doctoral thesis that I did working for Jack intervened and it now looks like retirement is a few years away.

Three years I got a call from three young entrepreneurs who were actually reading my MIT dissertation. They were planning to start a business based on catalytic coal gasification to synthetic natural gas and were looking for advisors who knew something about it. I agreed to give them some free advice based on my technical and business background, fully anticipating when they realized the magnitude of the undertaking that they would give up and do something else. A year later, they secured their first venture capital funding and formally founded a new company called Great Point Energy. I was invited to join their board. This summer after securing a second round of venture capital funds and getting Citibank and Dow Chemical to lead a third round of funding, I agreed to join full time as their chief technology officer. The company has just raised another $100 million and is now proceeding to build a demonstration plant.

Jack, this company and its technology is, in essence, based on the observation that you and Hoyt Hottel made in your 1970 book, New Energy Technology, that the best way to make synthetic natural gas from coal would be to find a catalyst that allowed low temperature operation. By the way, my “dog-eared” copy of your book is still the most useful reference book on the subject.

I do get to Cambridge from time to time and would love to stop by and chat if you are up for it.

Again, our prayers are with you.

Don Anthony

Donald B. Anthony, Sc.D.
Chief Technology Officer
Great Point Energy, Inc.

Cell phone 1: 617-821-1097
Cell phone 2: 216-396-8664
Email: danthony@greatpointenergy.com

This e-mail may contain confidential and/or privileged information. If you are not the intended recipient (or have received this email in error) please notify the sender immediately and destroy this email. Any unauthorized copying, disclosure or distribution of the material in this email is strictly prohibited.

Brian Haynes - President of Combustion Institute

2007-10-28T14:42:00.000-07:00

The Combustion Institute
5001 Baum Boulevard, Suite 635
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 15213-1851 USA
Telephone: (412)687-1366 Fax: (412)687-0340
Email: office@combustioninstitute.org

October 16th, 2007

Professor Jack B. Howard
CI_logo_hires24 Central St
Winchester, MA 01890-2630
USA

Dear Jack,

I was very sorry to learn of your illness, but heartened to be able to follow your progress and the family’s exploits behind it on the blog. Having Caroline on the case must encourage the medical teams to perform at their very best, for which we are all thankful.

It has been my pleasure over the past few years as President of the Combustion Institute to be able to honour some of the most illustrious members of our community at the time of their significant birthdays. Now with your 70th, I am able to do that truly from the heart because I have known your work and you personally now for more than 30 years. You and Carolyn showed me and Gillian great hospitality when I was at MIT from 1979-1981, at a time when we were starting our own family. While you and I did not work directly together, I learned first-hand of your unfailingly gentlemanly nature and scholarly disposition.

Your work in coal and other carbons, ranging from soot to fullerene, stands out for its breadth and depth. You provided insights into the processing of coal to produce gases and liquids that were at the forefront in the 1970’s and 1980’s and still today have special significance as the world grapples with the problem of energy supply, in which coal will continue to play a major role. Similarly, your work on active sites in carbon reactions set the scene for much of the work that has followed.

As a senior member of the Combustion Institute, you have given your time and your wise counsel to promoting the interests of the Institute and the community it represents, including being a Board Member from 1994-2006. You have been accorded every scientific honour and responsibility that our Institute can bestow:
- Symposium Program Chair, 19th Symposium, Technion-Israel Institute of Technology, Haifa, Israel in 1982. - Silver Medal, at the 20th Symposium, University of Michigan (1984), for the paper with Jim Bittner entitled “Mechanisms of hydrocarbon decay in fuel-rich secondary reaction zones.” - Bernard Lewis Gold Medal, at the 24th Symposium, University of Sydney “for the kinetics of soot formation and coal pyrolysis”. - Symposium plenary lecture: 23rd Symposium, University of Orléans, France (1992) “Carbon additions and oxidation reactions in heterogeneous combustion and soot formation”.

You are one of the greats of modern combustion research. Your contributions have been immense and the legacy of your work will endure for many years. We are indebted to you.

I wish you all the best today on the occasion of your 70th birthday. While I am sure you will be spending the day quietly with your fantastic family, I know I speak for many in the combustion community when I
bsh signatureemphasise how much we have to celebrate on this occasion. Our thoughts are with you and Carolyn, Courtenay and Jonathon.

Yours sincerely

Brian S. Haynes
President

Phil Westmoreland Wishes

2007-10-28T14:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Jack,
Even in this difficult time, I hope you have a particularly happy birthday as we, your friends and family, draw closely around you in spirit - as we have long been. As the notes you've received surely remind you, we respect you, we honor you, and we send our deep abiding affection and love to you..Phil-- Prof. Phillip R. WestmorelandDept of Chemical Engineering, Univ of Massachusetts Amherst157A Goessmann; 686 N Pleasant; Amherst MA 01003-9303413-545-1750 (Sect'y at -2507), eFAX 775-254-2509http://www.ecs.umass.edu/che/faculty/westmoreland.html[July 06-June 08:Program Director for Combustion, Fire, and Plasma SystemsNational Science Foundation4201 Wilson Blvd, Arlington VA 22230703-292-8371; FAX 703-292-9054 ]

Bill Grieco Birthday wishesJack-

2007-10-28T14:37:00.000-07:00

Jack-Happy 70th Birthday! Know that we are thinking of you often these days and wishing you a speedy recovery. We've been keeping up with your treatment progress and with the family happenings on the blog that Carolyn is maintaining. Thanks for sharing the stories. The heartfelt wishes from friends, colleagues, and students are very well deserved.I'm glad to see that Jonathan and Megan will be returning to stay in Boston.Having all of your family close by will surely be a great help in your recovery.Thanks for your support and help over the years. You've been a great role model and positive influence for all of us who were fortunate to work with you. Happy Birthday!Take care,Bill, Tonya, and Sophia Grieco

2007-10-28T14:33:00.000-07:00

October 28, 2007
UPDATE

Here we are with 2 days and counting until we are coming to the completion of our daily treks into the radiation lab at MGH. When we were first told of the need for these trips, my mind couldn’t imagine the challenge of that daily experience. Now that it is coming to an end, I still cannot imagine the challenge of that daily experience. I knew it would be tiring; I just didn’t know how tiring. It is also amazing how long it takes to adjust to a different pattern in your life. We continue to be most thankful that Jack has tolerated the treatment so well. He never experienced nausea with the chemotherapy. He has experienced fatigue with the radiation but only a 1-2 on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the most fatigue. The Lord has so patiently and tenderly carried us through the first phase of treatment. It makes us so know that He is the potter and we are the clay. Isaiah 64:8 – “Yet O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” We are so indebted to His mercy.

We met with the radiologist, Dr. Shih, on Friday. She informed us that it is likely that Jack will continue to deteriorate over the next 2-3 months due to the radiation effects. As I mentioned in the last update, it is likely that his next scan will also look worse due to the inflammation to the blood vessels from the radiation. She also told us that it will likely be months before we know the true effect of the initial treatment. On November 16, he will have his first scan since his treatment began. We also meet with the Lahey Clinic medical team that day to outline the next phase of treatment. It will likely be 5 days/month of the chemotherapy that he is currently taking except it will be a much stronger dose. Generally, this regime will last for 6 months as long as he tolerates it and then another evaluation will be completed to determine Phase 3.

Since Jack has tolerated all of his medications so well and his treatment has progressed so smoothly, we have eliminated certain medications since early onset of treatment. We are now reducing the steroid that reduces the swelling. All of these medications have side effects. It is like a domino effect. One medication is prescribed to reduce swelling (steroid). Another treatment is prescribed to prevent bone erosion due to the steroid, etc. It takes 10 minutes each morning to organize all of these pills for the day. Amazing!

Jack continues to maintain his sense of humor. For those of you that don’t realize this about Jack, he loves coffee, especially espresso. I think we have tried the world’s espresso makers. When we have traveled in Europe, one of our many shopping experiences usually involves a trip to a coffee store that sells coffee makers. Since Jack became ill, I got him a machine that I just fill with water. He opens the handle, drops in the little cup that contains the coffee grounds, hits a button, and viola – coffee!!! One morning recently, I was adjusting his arm sling (prevents hand swelling due to the arm not moving) and he informed me that his coffee has gotten a little cooled off (Jack also likes extremely hot coffee). He requested that I heat his coffee for 20 seconds in the microwave. As I was doing this, I told him that if he did not survive this tumor that I was burying him with some coffee – he immediately responded by saying, “make it espresso”!!!
Thankfully and joyfully, Jonathan and Megan made it to Boston on Tuesday evening (they arrived home before I returned from CA). We are so happy to have them here. It is hard to believe that they are not leaving to return to LA. They are now homeowners in Somerville upon signing their names about 100 times on Friday. They are very excited about their new home. We are excited to have them nearby.

I had a safe and restful trip to CA last Sunday-Tuesday. I had a wonderful visit and dinner on Sunday evening with Megan’s parents, Jack and Margaret. We need to remember to pray for them as they adjust to their daughter and son both leaving CA this year. Margaret is a flight attendant with a base out of NJ and NY so, hopefully, she will be visiting us all soon. Jack’s brother, Keith and his wife, Paula did an excellent job at winterizing the house. I think I will go away more often. Jack can now relax that many of his chores prior to the snow flying are completed.

So many of you continue to send your thoughts and prayers for which we are so thankful. I attended an MIT dinner last evening celebrating the birthday of one of Jack’s colleagues, Ken Smith. Many people came to me wanting to know so many things about how we are doing. I can honestly say that we are doing all things by the grace of God. This experience illuminates our frailty and our dependence on the Lord moment by moment. We are all in the palm of His hands and I can think of no better place to be. The MIT group is a very special family for which we are happy to be part.

Early on, Jack described how he felt that his cup was overflowing. One of his high school classmates, Carolyn Campbell, recently sent him a card and poem that I think appropriately describes where we are at the moment. As a child in particular, growing up in the South, you are taught to cool your hot chocolate or coffee by pouring it into the saucer. Jack and I both have this childhood memory. Here is the poem.

Drinking From a Saucer (A farmer’s thoughts)
I’ve never made a fortune
And it’s probably too late now.
But I don’t worry about that much.
I’m happy anyhow.
As I go along life’s journey
I’m reaping better than I sowed.
I’m drinking from my saucer
Cause my cup has over flowed.

Ain’t got a lot of riches.
Sometimes the going is rough.
But I have children that love me.
That makes me rich enough.
I just thank God for His blessings,
And the mercy He has bestowed/
I’m drinking from my saucer
Cause my cup has over flowed.
And I remember times when things went wrong
And my faith got a little thin.
But then all at once the dark clouds broke
And the old sun broke through again.
So Lord, help me not to gripe
About the tough rows I have hoed.
I’m drinking from my saucer
Cause my cup has overflowed.

And if God gives me the strength and courage
When the way gets steep and rough.
I won’t ask for other blessings.
I’m already blessed enough.
And may I never be too busy
To help another bear his load.
Then I’ll be drinking from my saucer
Cause my cup has overflowed.

Our cup has overflowed daily by God’s grace,
Carolyn and Jack

2007-10-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

October 20, 2007
UPDATE

This is the first update in over a week. We have such a blog following that I thought I better update it so the emails and phone calls will be satisfied. We do appreciate all of you caring enough to follow our lives. I have lots of good news to share (that is what happens when it is spread out).

Last Sunday, Jack wanted to visit his office and pick up a couple of books that he wanted. This is the first time he has requested going anywhere since our events began. I was delighted to take him. Our dear friend, and Nano-C’s CEO, Viktor Veijins was there preparing for a meeting that evening. It was a delightful experience to see the smiles and embrace of two grown men. Jack did not stay long. After being in the car for some time in our short excursion, he had some balance difficulty after getting out of the car when we arrived home. It initially appeared that he was going to topple backwards somewhat. I was right behind him. I told him that I was at his back as I supported him with my hands. Jack immediately said, “the backing of a good wife is indispensable”. I replied that if it took all of this experience for him to understand that, we had made real progress. We both had a good laugh at his quick humor. He keeps me on my toes.

Jack’s treatments are drawing to a close. We have 7 more trips to MGH. His last treatment is October 30. We are both counting the days, me more than him, I think. I remarked recently about how we were almost finished and how much I was looking forward to that day, he said yes, but as long as we are doing this trek, we know we are doing something. I assured him that the treatment is not over, it just evolves into another phase. He continues to tolerate them very well. We have truly been blessed. His blood counts have remained unchanged so there has been no deterioration of platelets and white cells. He has no nausea just some mild fatigue. His paralysis has not worsened. On Wednesday of this week, he was able to move his left arm a few inches while the physical therapist was working with him. Needless to say, it was very emotional. Like Jack, he did not relate the story to me until the next morning. (He had tenure at MIT and an endowed chair for 2 weeks before he remembered to tell me.) He is greatly improving in this regard. It gives you an idea as to how momentous this event was. When he did tell me, he broke down and whispered to me that it was a flicker of hope. The overwhelming magnitude of this experience cannot be measured on any scale for any of us. The best part of all of this experience is that it brings to mind so clearly how the events of our lives are in the hands of our merciful Lord. It makes me think of Psalm 52:8-9:
“But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God:
I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever.
I will praise you forever for what you have done;
In your name I will hope for your name is good.
I will praise you in the presence of your saints.”

Jack had a wonderful 70th birthday. He had a multitude of well wishes from around the world. It began on Sunday with a wonderful time of fellowship and prayer with our Bible study group, the Howells and Domenicas. On his special day, October 16, he had balloons, birthday cakes, edible bouquets, cards, phone calls, flowers, books, letters, food, and visitors from Germany. I stayed home from work to enjoy this special day, his 70th birthday, with him. Our dear friends from Germany, the Wersborgs, arrived in time for a dinner in the early evening. Jack was overwhelmed by the many ways people showed him how loved he is. He was most grateful to have it concluded. He is never one to have so much “ado”. For me, it was a living testimony of his impact on those who have been blessed to have him in their lives, most of all me.

Our challenges with MGH continue. We finally got the remainder of the Chemo via FedEx on Tuesday just in time for his treatment on Wednesday. We met with the vacationing nurse on Wednesday. She had not received any blood work since September 24 (date she probably left). Remember, they only accept faxes. I assured her that multiples have been sent. I suggested that maybe MGH might want to come into the 21st Century. Microsoft and MIT, I challenge you to get a project going over there to bring this place up to the 20th Century (forget the 21st Century).

I let the nurse know that we were transferring our care to Lahey Clinic and that I would like all of Jack’s medical records sent to them. We had to go to another person to complete the paperwork for that request. After completing it, the lady asked me if I had a fax (I thought this was odd); I said yes. At this point, she said, then you can fax it to medical records. I explained that I was very busy and wasn’t this something she could handle. She reluctantly agreed to send the fax. When we got home, she had faxed the request to me!!!!!Ugh!!! Nothing should surprise me anymore. I guess I keep hoping for the unexpected! I AM DEFINITELY NOT THROUGH OVER THERE. I AM COLLECTING NAMES TO CONTACT ABOUT OUR EXPERIENCES AT THAT HOSPITAL. I would likely never consider care at MGH. I often wonder how many blunders are made there. I have a neighbor consulting for them. She describes the place as CHAOS. That is putting it mildly!

Jonathan and Megan are on “The Road”. They have described “The Road” as not for sissies, only the strong. They have encountered many beautiful scenes, blizzards, deer herds, mountains, plains, and stretches and stretches of “Road”. As of today, they were in Iowa. From this point on, they are staying with friends and relatives along the way. Their goal is to arrive here in the evening of October 24. They pass papers on their condo on October 25. We will soon be celebrating their arrival, the Lord willing.

This weekend, Jack’s brother and sister-in-law have returned. They wanted to know what they could do to help us out. I have a meeting in CA on Monday so I asked them if they could come and stay with Jack so I could attend the meeting. They agreed for which I am most grateful. I hope to relax and have a change of scenery. I plan to have dinner with Megan’s parents, Jack and Margaret Coleman, tomorrow evening. They live in Orange Co., not far from LA. I look forward to visiting with them. It will be very good for all of us. They have been so wonderful in their care, comfort, and prayers for us. I have suggested that I may have a one way ticket! Maybe someday, but not this trip.

We remain trusting that the Lord will continue to sustain us. Psalm 73 gives us much comfort. The best part of these events in our lives can be summarized in Psalm 73:28:
“But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of your wonderful deeds.”

I have many wonderful emails and letters to add to the blog upon my return but for now, this is the latest.
With deep gratitude,
Carolyn

Update

2007-10-11T21:23:00.000-07:00

We are settling into a routine, after 7 weeks of our new life. Each day we arrive at MGH at approximately 9:20 AM for his 9:30 AM treatment. Jack continues to tolerate the treatment very well. He has a couple of spots where he has lost his hair due to the radiation. It is like genetic balding at the back of his head and a bad haircut on one side in the front. I told him that he could get hair extensions and he would be all set. Actually, in the town next to us, there is a Hair Salon for Men that does exactly that work. I have seen men who have gone there and you could never guess. So you fellows out there that would like some extra hair, you have just been provided with a free advertisement. As you might guess, Jack has never been vain so he is choosing to sport a new Boston Red Sox hat over the hair weaves. Given that the Red Sox are thriving at the moment, he looks like he is just one of the millions of fans and I am certain that the Red Sox cap was much less expensive.

Jack has settled into receiving much help from me. He was laughing one morning as I was helping him put on his shoes that it took a brain tumor to get this much attention from me. I told him that he really didn’t have to go to this extreme. Laughing requires much less energy.

We had a wonderful visit with Jack’s sister, Myra who was my college roommate, over this last weekend. We went down many memory lanes. Myra and I have been like sisters since we met and over the decades since last century. Our lives have been intertwined with Jack as our common bond. We laughed, cried, and talked. We had a wonderful time. One of the many blessings of Jack’s illness has been the family visits, calls, and emails. It is truly a wonderful time for us.

Jack has spent years working in his basement office. It is a view of him that I have had hundreds of times as I come home from work and walk down the brick path to our back door. I cannot express how often I would become so aggravated at the incessant work. Today, I had an entirely different view of that scene. Surprisingly, as I made my evening walk to the back door, I observed a light on in Jack’s office, I looked, I saw his back, and I experienced great joy. Jack was at his computer working. It was the best sight that I have seen in weeks. It has literally been 7 weeks and 2 days since he sat in that chair and did anything. I almost forgot, for a second, that life has changed so dramatically. It seemed for a moment that the routine of our lives had returned.

We only have 13 more radiation treatments. I will not miss these daily treks into radiation at MGH. I did find out that medicare only allows 30 days of meds/month. However, no one bothered to inform us. When I questioned the nurse, she said it was due to the co-pays that medicare wants. I was told by another nurse that the medication is fully covered by medicare. Stay tuned. We are now almost out of the chemo but we haven’t expired the 30 days so with 1 day left we can order the drug and hope we receive it in time for the treatment. I must say that the medical process in this country is a MESS!!! October 30 is his last day for treatment.

I want to thank all of you who have been sending birthday wishes to Jack. He appreciates all of them. We have a wonderful birthday prize coming our way on Tuesday. Jack’s first PhD student and his wife are coming from Germany to help us celebrate. We have been very close to them for many, many years. Their names are Benno and Ursula Wersborg. Ursula was an exchange teacher in Quincy when I taught school there. I introduced them at a dinner party, and they are living happily ever after. We want to congratulate them. They have a new, first grandson, Theo delivered by our shared daughter, Maja and her husband, Phillipe. Benno has always said that I really have 5 children, our two and their three.

As we progress through our challenge, we continue to experience Phillipians 4 – “The Lord is at hand”. We find great comfort and solace knowing that He has felt all of our infirmities. Our prayer is truly that we continue to know His love and that His embrace is the balm of our hearts. He alone is worthy to be praised.

Jonathan and Megan leave Los Angeles on Monday, October 15. We still are in disbelief that they are almost here. They are ready to close on their condo mortgage on October 25. This event is just delightful. Jonathan informs me that the boxes are almost packed and the truckers are “almost ready to drag the stuff on board”. We pray that the Lord will provide them with traveling safety as they drive across the 3000 miles from sea to shining sea.

Thank you all for your continued care, thoughts, and prayers as well as the many expressions of love and compassion. The food is delicious and the outpouring of help from so many is beyond words of gratitude. We have been touched by the Lord through all of you.

Carolyn

Letter from Chris Pope

2007-10-11T00:47:00.001-07:00

Dear Jack,

Greetings from the "enfant terrible" ("problem child" in French) of the Jack Howard research family! For the sake of the blog audience -- I was your grad student from 1984 to 1993, then your post-doc until 1997. I know this is a little late (surprise, surprise!), but at least I have a good first draft for you to look at. (Something had been telling me since late August to get up with you. Now I know why.)

You and your whole family have been in my thoughts and prayers near-continuously since I found out late Wednesday night about the new health conditions besetting your brain, a combination of the cancer, a closed head injury (the subdural hematoma), and
intermittent inflammation. It's taken a few days for me to get past my sadness and shock at this turn of events for you, which is truly absurd, especially in the literal sense of not being able to be understood by reason alone. If ever there was somebody who didn't deserve it.... Fortunately, you and your family have been blessed with an astonishing amount of faith in Divine providence and justice.

You have made possible nearly all the success I have had as a professional. You stuck by me and believed in me and my potential through a long string of personal obstacles while I was there at MIT, especially during my first few years as a graduate student. You also kept me afloat for over four years as a post-doc, and wrote many orders of magnitude of letters of recommendation for me while I became the Harold Stassen of faculty candidates, applying year
after year with little luck. It was also through your connections that my next two post-doc positions were possible.

You were a sterling example of greatness, which I've heard defined as the combination of expertise and humanity, combined with humility, the true kind, that of being aware of who you were -- no more, no less. You neither hid your greatness nor flaunted it. What you expected of me was simple: the best I was capable of.

Your wise counsel also recently extended to your advice to apply for disability six years ago, when my health failed me, in large part due to Lyme disease. (You might be pleased to know that my recovery has progressed to the point where I am applying for professional positions again. I'll write more privately about that and ideas for you and Carolyn.) Accepting my limitations at that time was difficult indeed. I am distressed to find you in even more challenging condition than I was then, but heartened to hear that you are being attended to by such excellent medical practitioners. You also have the rare blessing of a loving family. And thanks to Jonathan for his awareness which led to your getting treatment.

It's disturbing but not surprising to hear of the medical blunders. I'm reminded of "The Hospital", a George C. Scott movie in which a hospital's executives are killed off by having them become patients at their own facility. Fortunately, Carolyn is a capable and determined advocate, so I'm not worried about such misfortunes befalling you. Also, I'm sure you'll get many more of those God-scheduled "coincidences" when needed.

I have more than a little confidence in your ability to overcome. I agree with Greg McRae: the world still needs your talents and insights... still needs you. When I first heard the news, I thought of the following from the New Testament (2 Timothy 4:7-8): "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing." But don't get fitted for your crown just yet. I'm sure you have a few more battles to win, laps to run, prayers to have answered... In'sh'allah (if it be God's will), and I personally hope that it is in the Divine plan.

Wishing you a complete recovery, and all the brightest blessings....

Chris Pope

Letter from Bill Peters

2007-10-11T00:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Jack,

I write to wish you a Happy Birthday and to share some thanks, memories and Scripture verses I hope will encourage you, Carolyn, Courtenay, Jonathan and Megan. Rosie and I are praying for God’s rich and mighty blessings upon each of you as He guides you through this difficult time.

Jack, the letters from your friends and colleagues posted on the Howard Family Update remind us that your grace, kindness and positive spirit, as well as your extraordinary contributions to research, mentoring, teaching and professional service, have made important lasting differences in the hearts and lives of people literally world-wide. I am fortunate indeed to be one of these people. It will soon be 34 years since I first visited you in your office in Building 12, seeking (arguably begging) for an “energy-related” position that would bring me back to MIT from Yale. I know at times I was oblivious to the many demands on your schedule. Yet you gave generously of your time, sharing your ideas on soot formation and explaining Don Anthony’s doctoral work. Although you led that research, you listened patiently and with genuine curiosity to my suggestion of a possible alternative interpretation for some of Don’s pressure effects data.

Jack, I cannot adequately express my thanks to you for bringing me into the MIT fuels and energy community. Although I had no training in fuels, you hired me just a few months after our first meeting, to assist you in developing new research programs in coal, for what was then the embryonic Energy Lab – a Lab you had strongly encouraged MIT to start. I had no publications and it clearly would have been perfectly reasonable for you to have selected another candidate. Instead you asked if I had some relevant unpublished material - which I did and gave to you. This shows your remarkable ability to see things in a positive light despite evidence of potentially serious negatives. In my case your saw potential, even though the glass was 98% empty. Because you became my boss, mentor, colleague and friend, that potential bore fruit.

Jack you have taught me to speak carefully and write clearly (works transparently still in progress). You are the gold standard in how to achieve professional excellence while always being a true gentleman. You are wise and fair minded, a man of strength, honor and integrity, steadfastly considerate of others. You understand human frailties and are a gifted encourager. After I began working for you, we were speaking one day in your office when your phone rang. You told the caller you would call back because you were “--in a meeting with a colleague.” I was astonished, but deeply honored and affirmed that you viewed me as a colleague rather than the very junior newcomer I saw myself as. My astonishment has grown with time as I have observed first hand your amazing ability to dissolve complexity and make meaningful headway on difficult problems, technical and non-technical. I know that when I work with you Jack, I am with someone truly special.

I deeply appreciate how you have mentored me in research. Very early in my career you invited me to be a co-author on Phil Lewellen’s screen heater study of cellulose pyrolysis kinetics for the 16th Symposium. This was my first fuels paper and our first paper together. I still recall your feedback when I showed you a draft manuscript: “Well Bill, it’s not bad - but there are opportunities for improvement.”!!! Again this was you Jack, kindly helping me to improve my writing. We have written many publications together since then, but I will always remember the door you opened to me in Lewellen, Peters and Howard.

At your 2002 “retirement” dinner I alluded to an acknowledgement Pablo Debenedetti wrote in his 1995 book Metastable Liquids Concepts and Principles. The exact quote is: “My father taught me the importance of working hard, having clear goals, and thinking rationally. It is a lesson that guides me to this day.” Jack, in this sense you have been a father to me, not only because you have taught me the importance of these very same qualities, but because of how you have taught me, by working together one-on-one and by bringing me into the “home” of your research group. There you extended me the privileges of learning from, and collaborating with you in research, in developing new research initiatives, and in supervising students and post docs.

I hope the following assurances of God’s love and faithfulness will encourage you:

“Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant.” Psalm 119: 76.

“For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you.’” Isaiah 41: 13.

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4: 6, 7.

“But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.” 2 Thessalonians 3: 3.

Jack, John 14 is one of my favorite Bible chapters. In verse 27 The Lord Jesus says:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

Jack, thank you for all of you have done for me professionally and personally for the past third of a century. I know you have always been there to provide fair and wise counsel. If Rosie or I can do anything at all to assist you, Carolyn, Courtenay, Jonathan and Megan, please let us know.

God bless you,

Bill

Letter from Yaw Akoto

2007-10-07T23:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Prof. Howard:

As one of your former Grad students this comes as a surprise to me. I am Yaw Akoto and completed my Sc.D. dissertation 30 years ago under your supervision. I know it has been a while since I left MIT and have had the opportunity to visit the Chem Eng Dept only a few more times. I am currently based in Ghana, West Africa and still practicing in the energy field. When I heard of your illness, I immediately called a fellow Grad Student - Dr. Yaw Yeboah who also did his dissertation under your supervision. We could say only VERY GOOD things about you and how you helped us through our student days at MIT.

Sometimes it is difficult to understand this complex world of ours. Every event or moment has its purpose and the Lord knows best. May the Good Lord bless you.

I wish you a speedy recovery.

A Happy "Three Scores and Ten" birthday. All the best...

Yaw Akoto Sc.D. 77.

Letter from Salim Senkan

2007-10-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Jack:

It has been a week or so that I learned of your health ordeals and have accumulated enough courage to write now. I am terribly saddened by the situation and really do not know what to say, except to remind myself how lucky I have been to have a friend like you. I still remember the times when you were there for me at MIT when I started my career in combustion, then helping me at various stages in my academic career with your supportive letters and words. I also vividly remember the colloquia we had on your retirement, when I still felt like a graduate student. Your youthful appearance, which hardly changed over the years, made many of the colloquia attendees jealous. The current situation reminds me again how lucky we all are to have lived meaningful and productive lives with our friends and loving families. Nevertheless, time is unstoppable. I started looking at the mirror and ask: Who is this old man? What happened to the young Selim I used to know? There is an old saying in Turkish "Getting old is the price we pay for living". To this I add a corollary "Our lives are made by the choices and friends we make during this journey". In my case, I had the fortune to have your friendship. I am not sure when we will meet again, but my thoughts are with you and with your family. My best wishes and warmest regards.

Your friend Selim Senkan

PS: Happy 70th birthday soon.

Letter from Howard Palmer

2007-10-05T10:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Jack,

I heard from Yaw Yeboah about your brain tumor and then shortly after that I received a copy of Phil Westmoreland’s helpful email, after which I accessed your blog, with all its information and wonderful messages from your students and colleagues, including a number of prayers and many words of encouragement for you and Carolyn and your children. I am enormously impressed and moved by what I have been reading, and I just want to add my bit.

The main thing I want to say is that one of the prouder and happier moments in my professional life was when I learned from Hoyt Hottel that you were getting tenure at MIT and that my input had quite a bit to do with it. Probably not nearly as much as Hoyt’s, but still…..I’m proud of that. And of course enormously proud of your career as a Penn State Fuel Science PhD (even though I wasn’t your advisor).

You are a gifted teacher, mentor, researcher, writer, and I am sure that you are one of the most admired and affectionately regarded members of the MIT faculty. I think that also applies to the fuels/energy/combustion/materials community at large. I don’t know much about your entrepeneurship, but I have no doubt that it also is outstanding. And I happen to know that personally you are one of the finest people around. And, I judge, one of the most courageous.

God bless you, Carolyn, and your family. I have you in my own prayers.

Howard Palmer

Update

2007-10-04T10:30:00.001-07:00

If anyone knows someone that adds more hard drive to the human brain let me know. Mine is certainly getting slower and is on overload most of the time these days. However, 3 weeks later, I am usually on the correct page. This morning as I was preparing Jack’s daily drug cocktail, I started remembering that the chemotherapy, Temodar, will be taken for 42 continuous days. Even though Jack does not have radiation on the weekends, he is required to take the Temodar. I looked in the daily prepackaged bag that we were given. On each daily dose package, it clearly states that he is to take 1 tablet/day for 42 days. I then take out the remainder of the doses. Surprise, Surprise!!!! There are only 30 doses in the bag. We are in such a serious and precarious medical situation that it is most distressing that there is such sloppiness at one of the world’s great hospitals. It looks like we are going to have to play Carolyn and Doctors again. The biggest lesson to be learned here is that if anyone gets sick, you need an advocate that can digest and process what is going on; otherwise, the patient is most vulnerable. The other lesson to be learned is that we are all humans and even when there are teams of people involved, mistakes are made. We are truly a broken lot in need of divine healing more than anything which includes not only love but forgiveness to others as we have been forgiven.

We desire your prayers in the quagmire of medicine.

Letter from Sergio Trindade

2007-10-03T18:28:00.001-07:00

Dear Carolyn,

Helena and I learned today about Jack's illness.

Jack was my PhD thesis advisor during 1970-73! I enjoyed and benefited a lot from interacting with Jack during those years. I returned to Brazil in 1973 and then responding to an invitation from the United Nations came back to the US in 1986 to be the Assistant Secretary-General lfor Science and Technology. Even though I was based in New York, I have had limited opportunities to visit Boston. After leaving the UN I remained in New York, where I still reside.

But, when time came for the farewell event for Jack, Helena and I decided we would not miss the opportunity to visit with you and Jack. The Fine Arts party was awsome. The following day we took advantage of your generous hospitality and joined others to celebrate Jack at your home for lunch.

Helena and I have Jack, you and the Family in our prayers wishing Jack the best outcome.

Love,

Helena and Sergio C. Trindade

Letter from Rich Shandross

2007-10-03T16:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Jack, Carolyn, Courtenay, Jonathan, and Megan,

You can bet that I'm offering to God all the prayers you are asking for, plus the ones you forgot to ask for - and then some!

I wish you all healing, strength, love, courage, and laughter.

It's in times like these that one feels so frustrated to be unable to write that equation, create that model, design that experiment, brainstorm that invention, find those words, or channel all the wishes and love and energy so that they can 'fix' the physical ailments - and right now! That is why your blog is so meaningful and inspirational and helpful: among all the things that it means to be human, it also means to accept that we are limited, and when we can that we are open to seeing the other wonderful and oh-so-important things that can happen - and are clearly happening for you.

Jack,

You are my mentor, "big brother," caring and wise "uncle," and a true and forever friend. Every time we sat down in your office at MIT and touched base with each other was for me a trip to the proverbial front porch, where time was often suspended and we could share our love of science and engineering, our families, how nutty the world seems at times, and a variety of challenges, big and small, that came our way. Maybe I stayed for nine years because subconciously I didn't want to stop having those great times together. :-) What sanity! I really enjoyed and appreciate how you lent your time and yourself to me, despite the pressures and demands of being no less than a senior, prodigious, and in-demand MIT professor.

People tell me that I'm a great technical and business writer. Well, that's because of you. Working with you on papers and reports, and getting your feedback on my thesis writing, was an eye-opening education in how to express myself clearly, unambiguously, and in a way that the reader can appreciate and enjoy. It's a ticket to excellence and to standing out in the greater world, and I can't thank you enough for that.

Equally, you have taught me so much about how to frame and solve problems, and how to pierce through confusion to the essence of a matter. You showed me what it truly means to be an engineer and a scientist.

Whether you realize it or not, you've also taught me what it means to be gracious and honorable and generous (...would that I always followed your example...;-) ), in what I can only imagine - being a Northerner - to be the "Southern gentlemanly" way. I remember the first days of your Kinetics class, first year of graduate school, and how "quirky" I found your humility, openness, and honesty. I quickly came to appreciate that what was happening is that you were showing respect for us students - imagine that! - and later saw how much respect you show everyone, always, and what an empowering thing that is for the people receiving that respect - not the least including me. You showed me by example how powerful, meaningful, and important it is to live as a beloved child of a loving and generous God.

If there is anything at all that I can do to help you and your family in this trying and challenging time, please do not hesitate to ask. It would be my joy and my honor to be able to do so, to share in your challenge as you have always shared in mine.

With lots of love and respect,

Rich

P.S. May I offer some Jewish prayers for health and strength that have helped me in times of need? -

A Prayer
May the Source of strength
Who blessed the ones before us
Help us find the courage
To make our lives a blessing,
And let us say: Amen.

Bless those in need of healing
With refuah shleima:
The renewal of body,
The renewal of spirit,
And let us say: Amen

I gratefully thank You, O living and eternal King, for You have returned my soul within me with compassion—abundant is Your faithfulness!
Prayer for the body
Blessed are You, our Eternal God, Creator of the Universe, who has made our bodies in wisdom, creating openings, arteries, glands, and organs marvelous in structure, intricate in design. Wondrous Fashioner and Sustainer of life, Source of our health and our strength, we give you thanks and praise.

Prayer for the soul
My God, the soul which You have placed within me is pure. You have created it, You will one day take it from me and restore it to me in time to come. So long as my soul is within me, I make acknowledgment before You, my God and God of all generations. Blessed are you, God who restores my soul each day that I may once again awaken.

Mi Sheberach
May the One who blessed our ancestors, Sarah and Abraham, Rebecca and Isaac, Leah, Rachel and Jacob bless Jack Howard, along with all of the ill among us. Grant insight to those who bring healing, courage and faith to those who are sick, love and strength to us and to all who love them. God, let your spirit rest upon all who are ill and comfort them. May they and we soon know a time of complete healing, a healing of the body and a healing of the spirit and let us say: Amen.

Letter from Adel Sarofim

2007-09-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Caroline and Jack,

The Howard family is quite exceptional. Your collective response to Jack's brain tumor is truly inspirational. Under circumstances that would have driven most into despair you have instead shown a joyous celebration of life, love, and faith in God.

I have followed your and Jonathan’s blogs. I have printed these out for Leticia and Marion Longwell. Leticia has just received a printed a copy of your blog (through Sept 5) that I mailed her since she has yet to connect to the internet in Peru. I have also just sent her the update through September 25. Marion called a few days ago looking for Leticia and we chatted. I learned that she is suffering from macular degeneration. She can no longer read but relies on books on tapes. When I informed her of Jack’s condition she asked me to send her a copy of the blog which she will have some one read to her. She is in a retirement community in Silverdale, WA close to her daughter Ann.

I remember how I naively in a previous email to Caroline said that she would undoubtedly research the alternative treatments available to select the best for Jack. I did not appreciate at the time that the MGH capabilities are truly exceptional, with the large experienced faculty, and the long history in the use of LINAC for radiotherapy. But the Web descriptions do not tell the whole story. The miscues and negligent behavior by their staff would be farcical if they did not involve such serious health issues. It sounds, however, that they have learned who they are dealing with and that Caroline has taught them to toe the line.

It was heartening to follow Jack’s recovery from his biopsy through his discipline, hard work, and good humor. I trust that these same qualities will help him face the challenges of the radiation therapy that he is undergoing. His intellectual curiosity about his treatment reminds me of a visit to Prof. Hottel in a hospital outside York where he was recovering from a concussion resulting from his being hit by a taxi when he crossed the road looking the wrong way at the Tuesday outing at the Leeds Combustion Institute symposium. When I walked into his room, I found him studying X-Rays of his cranium trying to identify the point of contact from the crack propagation lines. Jack and Hoyt are from the same mold, given their technical brilliance, hard work, and intellectual curiosity even when directed at their own well being. It is knowing this that I am forwarding separately a description of Boron Neutron Capture Therapy that might stimulate Jack. There were clinical trials at MIT under the direction of Otto Harling whom Jack undoubtedly knew. I contacted Otto who informed me that although the trials at the MIT Nuclear Reactor have ended there were active programs in Finland and Japan. He forwarded reports on the Finnish trials that I am passing on to you in a separate email.

All your friends and colleagues are praying for Jack’s recovery. As Greg McRae said so articulately the world needs Jack to get well soon.

Adel

Letter from Bill Grieco

2007-09-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

Carolyn—

You may recall that I was one of Jack’s graduate students in the mid- to late-90s. I just heard about Jack’s health situation from an MIT faculty member yesterday. Please know that all of you are in our thoughts. If there is anything that I can do, please let me know.

You should also know (and I hope that he does as well!) that Jack had a profound impact on me as a student and as an engineer. I can’t count the times when I’ve asked myself the question “What would JBH do in this situation?” to help guide me in facing technical, professional, and ethical issues. He has always been an excellent role model for his students and colleagues. As Jack commented in an email after a phone chat that he and I had in late June, we easily fell back into our old habits of long conversations and that it seemed like old times. My grad school memories will always be of my late day (and often early night…to the chagrin of my wife, Tonya) discussions with Jack when it seemed like we were trying to solve all the world’s problems. Really good times and great memories…

Know that we are with you.

Take care,
Bill

Update

2007-09-25T09:07:00.000-07:00

There are so many firsts in our lives right now that I have quit counting and just keep saying “it’s a first”.

Thankfully, we found a condo for Megan and Jonathan. Jonathan decided when we saw 5 Evergreen St. in Somerville that this place was going to be the gold standard by which to measure all other places. It was fairly priced; we made an offer, a counter offer came back, we came back and met them with a slightly increased offer that was accepted. It is a beautiful renovated town home in a 1900’s building with 2 other condos. They have a full basement that is immaculate with new hot water heater; furnace, etc with large windows that open. The first floor has a lovely living room; a large new kitchen and dining area and ½ bath with a new washer and dryer in the bathroom. The second floor has 3 bedrooms and 1 full bath. The third floor is a walkup attic that has huge refinishing potential. Jonathan can already see a work space for himself and Megan on that level. The ceilings are high; moldings intact; beautiful oak, newly finished hardwood floors; bay windows in dining room and one bedroom; and a beautiful staircase to the second floor. The living space is about 1600 sq. ft that does not include the basement and attic. For those of you in Boston, it looks like a townhouse on Beacon Hill in the inside layout. Their first choice was Somerville. It is in the Winter Hill area between Broadway and Highland Ave, near the Somerville Hospital. We are most thankful for the Lord opening this door for them and us. They had been thinking that it would be Thanksgiving before they would have a place to live.

Jack is experiencing the side effects of treatment. He has deteriorated in terms of his ability to be as independent as he would like. He is less stable on his feet. The Drs. had warned us that this would likely occur. I think it is discouraging to Jack. He had a very busy day today after his treatment. His physical therapist came as well as an occupational therapist for an evaluation. We also began have a person here at the house for a few hours to make sure he doesn’t fall while I am at work. We are so pleased with this lady. Her name is Simone. Jack told her he would let her know if he needed her. He will likely adjust to having someone nearby in spite of the fact that he would prefer to be alone. After his Saturday fall, I don’t trust him alone at this time. He is satisfied with my need in this regard. He also had our wonderful Tom Chacko come to the house for his weekly neuro-muscular massage.

By God’s grace we have come safe thus far. Jonathan’s visit was too short and the end of October is so far away it seems when he and Megan arrive in Boston, God willing. We have so much abundance in our lives that there is not enough time in the day to appreciate it all.

Jack’s 70th birthday is October 16. He will be 70. If any of you would like to send him a birthday card, I am sure he would enjoy it. I had hoped to celebrate this milestone in a different kind of way but instead I am thankful that we can have another birthday, God willing. Our lives are in His hands always.

Update

2007-09-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

We have now completed the first week (Tues-Friday) of the chemo and radiation therapy. I am most thankful to report that we have had a huge prayer answered. Jack has shown no signs of nausea with either treatment. He did not even take his anti-nausea pill on Friday or Saturday. He takes his chemo everyday (7 days/week) and radiation on Monday-Friday.

The Dr. predicted that the first week or two that Jack’s symptoms would likely get worse due to the swelling in the brain from the radiation. I would say that his walk has become more difficult the last couple of days. He actually walked on a non-paved path today and tripped and fell. He got some scratches and called Courtenay to come get him. This event is another first. Jack is so determined mentally but has not adjusted to his new body that doesn’t work so well. He does continue to be in good spirits but seems quieter than usual. Most of you know that Jack only speaks when he has something important to say. You can imagine how “quiet” must be! Thankfully, he still has no pain. I pray that he will not.

Jonathan arrived safely this morning to spend the weekend with us. A friend of mine who is in real estate picked us up and showed us several properties to buy. There are some very hopeful prospects that are close to Boston and are reasonably priced. Please pray that housing and jobs would be easy for Jonathan and Megan. Jonathan has had some good job opportunities already. I am sure Megan will also when she begins to look. They are busily packing, selling what they do not want to bring with them and trying to mentally make this transition.

Please pray that Megan will be blessed with peace as she experiences the pain of leaving all that she has ever known. I made this kind of transition in 1969. It is not easy. I must admit that my move to New England under the love and care of Jack gave me an opportunity to explore, develop, and mature in ways that I would never imagined if I had never left the South. The Lord certainly provides in so many ways even when we are unaware. It brings to mind the verse from Psalm 117:2 “For His merciful kindness is great toward us; and the truth of the Lord endures forever. Praise you the Lord.”

Jack prayed this evening before dinner that the Lord would prepare our hearts and minds for whatever that He has in store for us. He also prayed that God’s grace would be sufficient for these things as He has promised and that we would experience the peace that passes all understanding.

This experience has its joys, pain, and amazing love. We feel so embraced by the love and care and compassion shown to us by so many. I feel that I will never be able to say thank you enough for the calls, emails, gifts, flowers, cards, meals (especially from Wings at Park St.), genuine care, and legions of prayers being said for us. Yesterday, we received a beautiful card from a Bible study at Cape Cod. We did not know a single person that signed that card. We would like to embrace each one of you. The majesty of this outpouring of the kindness and love is bringing us much joy and awe. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. May the Lord bless each of you abundantly.

Carolyn

Letter from Carolin Hahn

2007-09-20T18:58:00.000-07:00

The following letter and photo came all the way Munich from the girlfriend of our good friend Ingo Wersborg, Caroline Hahn.

••••

Dear Carolyn,

Ingo sent me the link to your blog last week and ever since that I've been following very compassionately what is going on in your lives. Thank you so much for allowing us all to take part and to be so close to you in these difficult times. I am writing to tell you and Jack that you are always on my mind and that I would do anything to make things go easier for you.

Tomorrow I'll be taking my hopefully last written exam and if that works out (please keep your fingers crossed and wish me the best of luck - I'm so nervous), I can start my diploma thesis at the beginning of 2008... I'll try and see if I can find a research group at either Harvard or MIT for my thesis, so that I can come by from time to time and support you with some real hugs. It would mean a lot to me to be there for you.

I've a photo attached from that wonderful evening we spent with you more than to years ago shortly after we'd first met. It still makes me smile to remember how you and Ingo were in the kitchen while Jack and I sat on the porch, talking about carbon nanotubes and laser cooling. Courtenay tried to jump in but finally gave up an returned to you: "They're talking about science."

Please give my best regards to Jack, Courtenay, Jonathan and Megan.
I really hope to see you again soon and wish you all the best and all the strength you need for the time being.

Love,

Carolin

Update

2007-09-19T09:38:00.000-07:00

Our weekend was cool and it's definitely early Fall in New England. Keith and Paula, Jack’s brother and sister-in-law were here from Tennessee. We thoroughly enjoyed their visit. Jack had Keith out pruning a wisteria and assorted other tasks he normally does. I had Paula helping me keep up with laundry, paperwork (volumes of the stuff), and laughing and crying our way through a warm and wonderful weekend.

I received a call from MGH (MA General Hospital) on Sunday afternoon to let me know that we should not come in on Monday. The radiation machine needed a part that was being flown in from CA. Tuesday would be the start date. The woman that called was Linda Mario, manager of “the machine”. I told her about the Friday disaster. She assured me with her in charge of his treatments things would go VERY smoothly. She said when you arrive on Tuesday, have me paged (believe me, I did).

On Saturday, I called a neurosurgeon that I have known for several years that lives in Winchester. His name is Rees Cosgrove. Dr. Cosgrove used to be at MGH and is now chairman of neurosurgery at Lahey Clinic, a well known and excellent private health care facility in the next town, Burlington. They have a similar model to Mayo Clinic. When I told Dr. Cosgrove of our MGH experience, he was horrified. He told me to call his nurse and he would see us on Wednesday. We have our appointment at 5 PM.

Dr. Cosgrove has a very warm, caring manner about himself, which has been missing at MGH for the most part. He wanted me to get Jack’s MRI and CT scans. He told me to get the receptionist to help me with this task when we went for education. He also said Jack should begin the treatment at MGH (radiation and first round of chemo) and then transfer to him if we choose. We don’t want to interrupt treatment now. By the way, when I called his nurse, she said, I have been waiting for your call. You will need to call registration – I did – she said I have been waiting for your call. She said I will need to call to confirm the appointment – I did – I have been waiting for your call. I almost dropped the phone each time.

On Monday, we went to the oncology center at MGH to receive the education on the chemo we needed. When we checked in, I asked the receptionist about getting Jack’s MRI, CT records. She didn’t know how to do this request but told me to ask the nurse’s assistant (you know what is coming at this point). In the interim, the lab tech calls back for his blood draw. She puts on latex gloves. Jack has latex sensitivity. There was a big sign on his hospital room when he was hospitalized. I tell this woman about his sensitivity, she changes gloves. I go to the desk and tell them they need to add this to his record. The woman says, it is there, and it was in large capital letters at the top of the record. I keep forgetting people don’t know how to read anymore.

Moving along, the nurse’s assistant comes to get us to transfer us to an exam room. I asked him about the scans and the need of copies. He has no idea but I should ask the nurse. The nurse comes in – she is the research nurse. Jack had agreed to participate in demographic and biomarker studies. Since it had been more than 2 weeks since we signed the last set, we had to sign everything again. Also, we would need to come in by 7:30 AM on Tuesday for a blood draw for the biomarker study. I said he just had his blood drawn. Oh, she said, they weren’t the correct test tubes for this study. I asked, couldn’t he do it today? The paperwork could never get processed that quickly (this one I believed). I then asked her about the copies of scans. She didn’t know how to do that but we could ask the nurse who would be educating us on the chemo. Her name is Michele.

In the interim, Dr. Plotkin and Nurse Michele came. I voiced my concerns about how disorganized and disconcerting everything has been. I suggested that someone might produce a page of what to expect from this ordeal in terms of treatment, who does what, when, and where. Dr. Plotkin said that I should send a letter to their executive director with that suggestion. I probably will. Oh later, we were informed that Jack could indeed have his blood drawn now for the study – a small miracle for which I was thankful.

During the education on the chemo that we now know we take each day, Michele informed us about how important it is that we see her after the 3rd week of treatment. We needed to schedule it before we left. The education was well done, except for the time she told us to take the medication (2 hours prior to the radiation). We were moved to a cubicle with another person to schedule the 3 week out appointment. The woman says, Michele is on vacation that week. I asked, what about the Friday before? Oh, neither nurse is here that day. Surprise, surprise!!! Michele comes by to see if we are getting scheduled; we inform her she is on vacation; oh, I forgot!!!! So, 4.5 weeks after treatment, we have our appointment.

I did ask Michele about the scans. She told us we needed to go to a sub-basement in the main building to order these. MGH is a huge campus. The good news is that Jack and I like to walk so we got some walking in. We were told it would take 3-4 days to retrieve this info. We got to the sub-basement and met this fabulous lady who had a million dollar smile, a wonderful sense of humor, and loved her job. She said it would be 1-2 days, but she would see what she could do. She was most pleasant, probably underpaid but sees her job as a ministry. She loved quoting scripture. How the Lord provides in the most amazing places. We are so blessed with His presence. This lady calls 3 hours later to inform us it is in the mail. I told her if I had a million dollars, I would give it to her. I told her she was the sunshine in our day.

Update

2007-09-18T09:46:00.000-07:00

Today we declared World War III on the tumor (now known as the “t”). We arrived at MGH at 9 AM. We had dutifully taken the anti-nausea drug at 7:00 AM following by the first dose of Temodar (chemo) at 7:30 AM like we had been instructed to do.

I did have Linda Mario paged. She came out. She asked if we had gotten the temodar (forgot to mention that MGH did get it in on Monday – couriered to them, no less - and I went into MGH and picked it up in the afternoon). She asked when Jack took it, I told her. She said oh, this is time sensitive and he should have taken it at 8:45 AM. Optimal effects are within the hour of radiation we are now told. I honestly believe her. She assured us that we would have no more problems now that we are under her care. I feel confident she is right. I was able to go with Jack and watch the buckling down. He is asking about the machine and how it works. The technicians tell him it is a proton machine but don’t know much else. I let them know that he is an engineer and has a very inquisitive mind.

The great news is that Jack felt no nausea from the drugs or treatments. We were told that only 11% of patients experience nausea. Generally, there can be some fatigue as treatment progresses. We were most thankful for the little gifts. Jack continues to walk and do strength exercises. His left side is somewhat less functional but that is likely from reducing the steroids which we have now increased. His spirits are strong, his smile is dynamic, and his trust in His Lord is unwavering. I am so thankful that our hope is not of things of this world but in wonderful counselor, prince of peace, the Lord God Almighty.

We are so grateful for the multitude of emails, cards, letters, books, food, hugs, and truly comfort and care during this journey. We feel totally embraced by the love that all of you have shown. If any of us wishes for change in the world, let it begin with each of us as we pour out the balm of love for each other and those around us.

I will update again over the weekend. Jonathan is coming home this weekend. We are hoping to look at some places for them to live. We desire your prayers that the Lord will open this door as He has all of the rest of the doors we are going through these days.

Blessings!
Carolyn

Update from 9/14/07

2007-09-16T22:22:00.001-07:00

It was another beautiful day in the neighborhood. We all got up early and prepared for the “dress rehearsal” of R-DAY (radiation day). We arrived at 9:25 AM. We were supposed to be there at 9:30 AM. We check in via a computer and a scanner (just like the grocery checkout). Jack has an official barcode that IDs him.

We were told to take a seat in the waiting room that has many people coming and going with hair; without hair; young; old; male; female; no discrimination of age, gender, or ethnic genetics. It is a real eye-opener. It is a world that exists right off the street with the world passing by. It is a world of hope, frustration, and reality. Thankfully, Jack’s brother and his wife, Keith and Paula, were with us. They arrived yesterday. They live in Cookeville, TN. Our time together was joyful during our waiting period.

After about 1 hour, I went to the receptionist desk. I found out that we would be called in 15 minutes. Another hour passed by, no word from anyone. I went back to the desk and was once again was told we were next. Still nothing happened. Finally, after 2.5 hours, a technician comes out and informs us the machine has been broken since yesterday. They were not sure if we should wait around or come back Monday. The technician began speaking about Jack’s regime of chemo and radiation as the protocol. You have to know that the traditional chemo and radiation is called standard of care and any experimental drugs are referred to as protocol. She also kept referring to the standard chemo along with one of the protocol drugs as both being protocols. I stopped her and explained no one had referred the Temodar (standard treatment) as a protocol. She said it was their protocol. It turns out that her definition of protocol is the process of treatment in general. At this point, I asked to speak to the radiologist, Dr. Shih. We were able to see her in about 30 minutes.

Dr. Shih starts asking if we have the prescription of the chemo. I told her no one told us that we had to deal with getting it. It turns out that MGH (MA General Hospital) has to order it; they are not sure when they will get it; hopefully, early next week. We suddenly need to go back to oncology and meet with a nurse to educate us on this drug. We also begin discussing eating before treatment.

Jack has to take the drug and anti-nausea medication on an empty stomach. He cannot eat until after his radiation. I then say can he eat when he is only doing radiation since he is taking chemotherapy only 5 days/every 28 days. The radiologist then says, oh, he is taking chemo everyday for the first 6 weeks. This news is the first time we have heard this from anyone including reading the literature on the drug. The radiologist now tells us that we cannot begin radiation without the chemo and they are not quiet sure when it will all start. I am astounded at the lack of coordination as well as the time we spent today doing nothing.

The good of this day is that we are going for a second opinion at Lahey Clinic somehow. I know the head of neurosurgery at Lahey Clinic. I met him and his wife several years ago and occasionally encounter them in the grocery, movies, etc. He lives near us. I will be calling him tomorrow.

I know that the Lord works all things for the good of His children who are called according to His purposes. For this comfort, I am most grateful. Today brought me out of my own shock and grief of dealing with a most difficult challenge.

As I mentioned, we have been consulting with a Dr. from Brazil. He was reviewing all of Jack’s medical records. We found out that he believes he can help Jack. All is well that ends well. We still have each other.

Blessings,

Carolyn